For many couples, there is something deliciously empowering about knowing exactly what you want, how you want it, and choosing yourself over anyone else. It’s no secret that many women have discovered the pure joy of self-love, but what happens when that self-satisfaction takes priority over sexual attention from your husband? Even better, what if you let him know?
Imagine this: You walk confidently into the bedroom, and tell your husband, “I’m going to go masturbate now, please leave for a little while, okay, love?” Then you lock the door. No, he can’t come in. No, he can’t watch. He’s left outside, knowing you are taking care of yourself in the most intimate way without a single thought for his involvement.
This isn’t just masturbation. This is a declaration, a statement of empowerment that your pleasure belongs to you and that his presence is neither necessary nor wanted. And that, my dear, is the essence of a finger-led relationship where your hands are the lovers you choose, and he remains on the sidelines. Humiliation isn't for everyone and it certainly isn't necessary but it sure can be fun.
For many women, masturbation isn’t just a solo act of pleasure, it’s an intentional, preferred alternative to their husband’s attention. Maybe he tries, but his feeble attempts just don’t compare. Maybe you’re not in the mood for him but still very much in the mood for yourself. Or perhaps you simply enjoy the control the power of choosing your own fingers over his touch.
Many women can't wait for their husband to leave, they hear the door close when he is out to run errands and she rushes to the bedroom excitedly grabbing her vibrator to pleasure herself. Why keep this lustful desire in the shadows, don't just hide it but actively flaunt your sexuality in front of him as a proud flag flying high.
This isn’t about neglecting intimacy it’s about rewriting the script, prioritizing and empowering your own sexuality. Instead of giving in to the expectation that marital sex means redundant penetration or that your husband is the gatekeeper to your pleasure, you’re flipping the narrative. You’re making it known that your pleasure is self-contained, self-controlled, and, most importantly, self-sufficient.…
Hello Emma, i am lurking this blog for some weeks now and have a question after reading so many of your articles. Please note that i may list up things you said or did in your relationship, but my question is more about how that would look like for someone else in such a relationship and not exclusively in your own relationship. But if you want to add examples from your own relationship, go for it !
Now to the question:
How do you keep a man engaged in such a dynamic where he is constantly faced with the fact that he is seemingly useless / inadequate for you ?
Its not just about this article, but in many other articles you stated that for your empowerment you tell him how inadequate he is. Your fingers are betters then him, your toys, your lovers.
I am not opposed that you make yourself clear who is in charge, where the priorities are and don’t need to cuddle his ego. Confidence in yourself is important.
But i when I put myself in the shoes of that man I have to ask: If I am such a inadequate/ useless man why do you even bother with me ? What is my part in this relationship if in terms of sexual satisfaction I can’t to anything right as you claim so often ? Is my part only to provide a nice home and be someone to be humbled so you can feel empowered ?
I just cant imagine how that works with all the emotional damage such a scene causes if it repeats over and over again.
You say that though denying him what he wants he would want it more and be engaged. And I can see that work for some time but in my experiences it leads to people losing interest pretty quickly, if there is only constant disappointment.
Personally, as someone who has to struggle with mild depressions from time to time, in such situations you described here in this article, I would emotionally disengage rather quickly for self preservation. After some months or even weeks I would stop anything sexually because it seemingly only leads to me being denied so what is the point in even trying ?.
Even if you tell me afterwards of such a situation as in this article or after a date with your lovers, how much you value me, love me and are happy that I allow all of this and make it all possible…. I don’t know if i could trust these words. Are these words genuine or just a manipulation trick to keep me around ?
I don’t like the emotional roller-coaster and prefer stability, safety, and genuine connection, so i don’t get any joy like Kev seem to get when you put him on that roller-coaster.
So i am at a loss here what i should or would do when i am constantly told i am not enough.
I am aware that maybe I am the problem but i am interested in hearing how such a relationship plays out outside these scenes where you establish dominance
As I’m denied and reminded I’m not enough for her sexually, it’s not cruelty to me, it’s freedom. It frees me from my selfish desires. I know from experience, if I received sex and orgasms, I’d try and go back to the way things were. Being locked and pussy free invites me to step into a deeper role to better support her pleasure, her power, and her joy with her bull, and in return I feel profoundly loved… not in a coddling way, but through whey works best for me: structure, rules, and clarity of my role in her life.
Seeking momentary satisfaction is overrated. It’s about finding my true purpose in surrendering to her maximum satisfaction. And yes, my wife’s love for me is genuine. We have an amazing connection. And ultimately, being pussy free is what’s best for both of us to stay deeply connected. And that’s what keeps me very engaged and happy.
My Comment was not about “Hey I want satisfaction too”, I am aware that is not the priority in such a relationship and I agree. What I was asking about is how such a relationship works where you are constantly told “You don’t satisfy me” or “I don’t need you”. Because if i don’t bring any satisfaction for my partner…what is my purpose in all of this? Why am i here and why didn’t you already settle with someone who can satisfy you?
That’s what’s plants seeds of doubt in my head, if this relationship can work. Not if I myself get any orgasm. But if I am not at least one of the sources of her sexual satisfaction then there must be something else that I provide. That’s what eludes my mind , what this is. I am not experienced in such relationship that’s why i ask.
And Personally if I am just there for what ever resources i contribute to her and not because i make her happy, I should find a relationship where i make someone happy
I don’t think her boyfriend can stimulate her psychologically or emotionally like me. I am funny, wise, kind in a way I don’t think her bull can touch. I am her irreplaceable business partner. know how to be her cheerleader. I am good with her family and friends. I fulfill her in so many more than bedroom stuff.
We have this dynamic. It works as i can’t do penetration as I have had an orchiectomy. Plus been on mtf hrt since 2012. We wouldn’t have it any other way!
My wife’s bull wanted exclusivity and I’ve been pussy free ever since.