I went on a date yesterday. No, I’m not monogamous to Kev and/or Erik. Yes, I am polyamorous. And yes, I still go on a date from time to time. I’m partly addicted to swiping left and right. I’m a little bit addicted to the dopamine hit of matching with someone. I keep returning to the app holding out hope for chemistry, conversation, and at least a hint of fascinating masculinity.
Let’s just say… this one didn’t quite deliver. He was cute enough in photos. His profile didn’t scream “red flag,” but it didn’t exactly shout “emotional intelligence” either. There were words but not enough. I do want to read a novel about you before making the decision to swipe right on you.
I haven’t been on a date in months, and sometimes you just crave the sparkle of a stranger. The little flutter. The unknown. That possibility that something—or someone—might surprise you. I had a spare afternoon and this guy and I had been chatting for almost a week so I thought, what the heck!
Instead, what I got was a dud wrapped in overconfidence and half-baked charm. A man who talked at me, not to me. Who mistook proximity for connection. Who clearly hadn’t had a real conversation with a self-possessed woman in quite some time.
But hey, I’m not mad. I’m a blogger. He gave me material.
This isn’t a “bash men” post. I love men. It’s a wake-up call. A little tough love from a woman who expects more and isn’t afraid to communicate those expectations.
If You Don’t Have a Vibe, Don’t Fake It
Let me say this clearly: flirting is mutual. If you’re working this hard to keep the convo alive and I’m giving you polite laughs and nods, it’s probably not happening. Flirting should feel light, fun, responsive. If she’s lobbing you conversational softballs and you’re swinging and missing, it’s time to sit this one out.
My date? He monologued. About himself. Favorite bands, favorite concert. Every film he loves. Every city he’s visited. I was basically a live audience for his personal podcast. Wanna flirt? Make it about us, not just you. You aren’t trying to sell yourself to me, that was the purpose of your dating profile. You sold yourself to me online, now let’s vibe or gracefully exit.
A Date is Not a Ted Talk
You know what’s sexy? Curiosity. Genuine interest in my human condition. Ask questions. Real ones. Not just “what do you do” and “what are you looking for?” Dig a little. “What lights you up?” “What’s the last thing that made you laugh uncontrollably?” “What’s your idea of the perfect Saturday morning?” Listen when she answers. Build on it. Don’t pivot back to your favorite sci-fi theory. If she tells you something interesting, challenge yourself by asking “how did you feel when that happened” rather than asking for more pedantic details.
Men, if you leave a date and couldn’t name five things about her life, you didn’t go on a date. You performed. And no, she’s not coming back for an encore.
You Can Touch Without Grabbing
I know the urge to escalate. To turn that flirty energy into something physical. But please—read the room. Light touches on the hand. A touch on the small of the back? Maybe. A grabby paw on my thigh? Hard pass.
Consent isn’t a buzzword—it’s the baseline. Let her mirror you. Let her initiate too. Stop assuming your desire is enough to override hers. If you touch her hand, and she touches yours, that’s mirroring.
My date touched me more than he asked about me. And none of it felt invited. Want to make a woman feel safe and sexy? Show her you know the difference.
Compliment Something Other Than Her Face or Tits
I love hearing that I’m pretty. Compliments are lovely. But when every single one centers on how I look, I start to feel like a sparkly object and not a full woman.
Try: “You have this energy that makes me want to lean in and learn more.”
Or: “I love how passionate you got just now about that topic, you must really love that topic.”
Or honestly, even: “You challenge me. In a good way.”
Don’t just make her feel seen—make her feel understood. Show her that you see a value in her presence besides a trophy.
Say What You Want Like a Grown-Up
This guy? He danced around what he wanted. Asked vague, flirty questions. Was he looking for sex? Dating? A sidekick? Who knows.
Men, don’t be scared to name your intentions. Say:
- “I’m exploring open relationships and craving genuine connection.”
- “I’m mostly looking for fun, flirty company with good conversation.”
- “I’d love to see if there’s chemistry and see where it leads.”
Ambiguity isn’t mysterious—it’s cowardly. And we see through it instantly.
Respond To Texts Like You Respect Her Time
I shouldn’t have to say this, but… text back. If I reach out and you wait twelve hours to reply “lol,” you’ve communicated clearly: I’m not a priority. And honestly? That’s fine. But own it.
Stop ghosting. Stop breadcrumbing. Stop using delay tactics as if they’ll make us want you more. They won’t. They make us put you in the “meh” pile.
Want to stand out? Be reliable. It’s sexier than you think.
No Means No. Still. Forever. Always.
I shouldn’t even have to write this section. But here we are.
When she says “no” to something—whether it’s a kiss, a touch, or a sexual act—that’s not a negotiation starter. That’s the finish line.
And by the way, there’s nothing sexier than a man who knows how to listen. Like, really listen. Because when a woman feels safe with you, she opens. Emotionally. Physically. Fully.
Push past her boundary? She closes. Fast.
Sex is Collaborative. Not Competitive.
If it does lead to sex, remember that your job is not to impress her with how fast you can jackhammer or how hard you can spank.
Ask what she likes. Listen to what she says. Adjust. Adapt. Make her orgasm the goal, not just the gravy.
And seriously… if you’re not going down on her, go home and rethink everything.
Want to Stand Out? Be Kind. Be Present. Be Real.
Women are done with the old script. We’re not seduced by swagger. We’re drawn to presence, depth, and a man who can both lead and yield. Who notices little things. Who gives as much as he takes.
Dating isn’t about conquest. It’s about chemistry, compatibility, connection. You don’t have to be flashy. You have to be real. Authenticity is incredibly sexy.
Yes, This Was a Date
And yes, it flopped. Not because he was rude or cruel, but because he was generic. Checked out. Going through the motions. He didn’t care to know me—he cared to impress me. And trust me, those are not the same.
I’m not monogamous. I have a beautiful husband and an incredible connection with my boyfriend, and yes, I still swipe because I am a woman who craves intimacy, presence, polarity. I went on this date open-hearted. And I left with a blog post.
Sometimes the lesson is just that clear: you can do better.
Evolving the Conversation
- What’s the most memorable compliment you’ve ever received—and what made it land so deeply?
- When you’re dating, how often do you ask genuine questions vs. performing to impress?
- How do you read signals of attraction or disinterest—and how can you improve?
- Have you ever been unclear about your intentions on a date? What held you back?
- What do you think women really want when they agree to meet you in person?
