Forum

I just don't know w...
 
Notifications
Clear all

I just don't know where to go from here... help..  

Page 1 / 2
  RSS
Twolf
(@twolf)
Active Member

I'm not sure how to start this, so I'm just going to blurt it out and hope it makes sense.
I have a VERY dear friend, she is truly a wonderful person. We both do volunteer work at the same place and it's how we initially met.   We have become very close, we share our joys , our pains, our problems.. she is the best friend I have ever had.   I trust her. So much so that I even confessed my fascination with Chastity to her one night while on the topic of various related things.
I won't go into how all that came about unless someone thinks it's important...
The thing is... she is married.   And NO .. neither of us entertain the idea of an affair even though he ignores her and we are quite certain he has someone on the side. All of our friends have brought this up. Anyway, I just want to make it clear that I'm not looking for permission to go that route with her.
And maybe it is wrong that we chat like we do and about what we do...  
Sorry if I am blabbing, this is pretty emotional and I don't know what else to do other than just blurt it all out as best as I can.
The thing:  I bought a cellmate chastity device, got it yesterday.  During the days while shipping in transit we'd sometimes talk about how it differed from the usual ones and that led to WHY I bought that kind... WHY the remote function.. it was fairly expensive.
So, I told her... I fantasized about someone holding the key because I really just sucked at self discipline in this regard. One thing led to another, lots of Q&A .. and she flat out said that she wanted to be the one to do it.    Honestly... I would LOVE for her to be the one... I really really would even though she scares me a little.. I KNOW her too well, she's a Mary Poppins with a little wicked streak.
I digress... I took her offer with a grain of salt, after all we do tease each other a bit as friends will do.
But as the days went on, she has commented and asked about it every day, often asking for more detailed information about what I secretly like.. So I know she really wants to do this.. I'm convinced.
I have tried spinning things a little... I do want her to be happy and have talked to her about maybe getting her husband to try it. She has zero interest in that, she has tried for years and he doesn't want to have anything to do with her in that way whatsoever.
So....  I'm having a very hard time deciding where to go from here...  I have to say or so something very soon or I'll just be doing what he does basically... 
If anyone has any advice on this.. maybe sees something I haven't... please help.
My priority , THE priority is what is best for her. 

Quote
Posted : 15/08/2020 8:59 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

That's interesting. The challenging thing about chastity is the requirement of teasing. I do have an understanding of chastity as it relates to a committed relationship but I don't have a grasp on having a keyholder that you aren't sexually connected to. That's why I don't really understand the long distance key holding services (although I probably get a request per week). If she locked you, it would either become quite boring for you or it would develop into something that you aren't looking for based upon what you said. I don't think you should entertain this unless you both understand that your body will go through some hormonal changes that might make you want things from her that may not be best for your relationship. Does that help?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/08/2020 12:49 pm
Twolf
(@twolf)
Active Member

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j
Yes, it gives an angle of perspective that I hadn't considered. I just think I felt  instinctively that I was missing something.. .
I'm going to talk to her, explain what I've been worried about, and also tell her about going to this forum seeking advice from people that have actually have experience in this.
It is enough for me that we retain our friendship and cause no damage to her life.
Although, if she occasionally shakes her car keys at me, that would be a great little inside joke.
O.k.  I'm actually a lot less stressed now, even laughing a little at myself.

THANK YOU for taking the time to help a stranger
Sincerely
T. Wolf

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/08/2020 3:26 pm
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

@twolf Of course. Nobody is a stranger here.

Perhaps there is an opportunity for her to be intimate with you without jeopardizing her primary relationship. This would require that you have a heart to heart with her and it would require her to be fully open with her primary partner. That wasn't brought up but full transparency with the third partner might be an option to allow you all to get your needs met. Then again, maybe she is just fine where she is at - teasing you. I do respect your position of keeping her as the priority.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/08/2020 5:55 pm
Phenious liked
 Anonymous

Again you have given me food for thought.  And, it has caused me to ask myself does her primary know anything already...  It's possible that they are open to that sort of thing or have an arrangement with limits. I do know of people that are totally fine with their partner doing pretty heavy online stuff.
ok, wow..  if nothing else this will be a hell of a conversation starter tonight!

Thank you again for your insights, I'm really glad I found this blog, you have no idea.
T. Wolf

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17/08/2020 3:06 am
Twolf
(@twolf)
Active Member
Posted by: @shawn

Again you have given me food for thought.  And, it has caused me to ask myself does her primary know anything already...  It's possible that they are open to that sort of thing or have an arrangement with limits. I do know of people that are totally fine with their partner doing pretty heavy online stuff.
ok, wow..  if nothing else this will be a hell of a conversation starter tonight!

Thank you again for your insights, I'm really glad I found this blog, you have no idea.
T. Wolf

Yes this is the same person, I have no idea how I got into this account tonight.  
I wasn't sure that I had even actually made an account here before frankly. 
It had been a long long time since I'd been here ( wasn't 100% sure I even actually had ).
The lack of coming back in NO way reflects upon this site, it was just real life, not bookmarking, using a *cough cough* 'porn e-mail' and working my butt off  (well, until Covid anyway ).
I'm going to try and figure out how to delete this, but first I want to triple check that I can get into the one I'm actually using with my primary e-mail.   I created this one for all those sites you have to give an e-mail to but probably will regret it.  
Sorry for any confusion I may have caused.

I trust this place and feel safe here.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17/08/2020 3:32 am
Ruined-Julie
(@ruined-julie)
Trusted Member

Hi @twolf

I'm gonna come up with an answer that's close to Emma's.
First of all, I'd like to point out that I've never been the guardian of anyone's key other than my husband's. However, the primary objective of chastity in our relationship is to play with the power of the key.
What good is it for a man to be locked up if the guardian cannot stimulate him both physically and mentally.
Won't you soon get tired of being locked up without stimulating games?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17/08/2020 3:52 am
Headtrip
(@headtrip)
Active Member

Hi,

The ladies are probably right (as usual, lol) but let me offer an opposing view:  I see plenty of guys on fetlife, cm and others who have a kh/dom that they are not allowed sex with.  In this case the kh makes demands and checks performance (on things from making the bed to exercise to whatever), frequently w picture proof and rewards him with some unlocked time.  The Cellmate makes this easier.  I have chatted w several guys whos wife outsourced the keyholding accordingly.  So it IS possible.

But it is a sex based game, at least for you.  Can you really keep it that way?  Even when you two are that close?  You would have to agree on firm rules upfront and stick to them regardless of hormones (which is what got you into this predicament in the firstplace ;-).  Transparency would be ideal but also a challenge.  On the plus side she might also get a sense of empowerment and purpose that is sadly missing from her life now.

NOT an expert, just sayin...

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17/08/2020 9:06 am
Twolf
(@twolf)
Active Member

Ok, it's been a few weeks since I followed up. First off, I want to thank everyone who gave advice. All of them had very relevant and helpful view points.

I do apologize for taking so long to update this.. I can only offer that it's been a very complex and often uncertain time for us.   
There has been so much talking between us, there is simply no way I can put it all down on paper.
As we talked , we also learned.. And we both had many realizations as our ongoing conversations evolved. 

We talked so much .. for days and days.. She knows I adore her and see her as the very best of friends.

We both agree that neither of us actually want sex with each other and will certainly never engage in it regardless of chastity 'games' or anything else , ever.   It's SUCH a rare thing to have someone you can talk to about anything and it be o.k.  We do not ever want to tarnish that.
We decided to not go through with the keyholding and such and just continue as we have always been.
But...  that changed too after time.  She had a talk with her husband , told him that we'd gotten closer than he maybe imagined. (yes we know each other)  He, of course, asked if actual sex was involved. 
Things got a little delicate... her wanting to lay all the cards on the table but without exposing me to real life and job threatening details. 
 
She explained to him that I often confided in her about 'unconventional' sexual lifestyles.  She had to assure him it wasn't anything way out there or immoral.  The fact that she , we actually, have a gay friend that she has chatted with for years helped.  He wanted a bit more info, but was very understanding about privacy.  So she gave him some examples.. One in particular was really brilliant in my opinion.
She reminded him how she had wanted him to use the life 360 app on his phone so she could see where he was. (its a GPS thing for phones)  He had said "no way" and that he didn't feel comfortable being watched and controlled like that, it creeped him out.  She went on to explain that I would actually like that and that she would too.  

There is a lot more to that conversation, but I'm sure you can see where it's going.
There ARE things they talked about that she won't share , which is of course totally fine and understandable.
Fast forward a few days, and the air has been cleared , consciences clean , all is well and our long intimate talks resumed. 
It is out in the open and OK with all concerned that we chat as we do and that there is some level of interaction , but nothing even close to actual sex and never will be. And that she wants to explore a little in the control department with a safe and willing person.
Fast forward again... At this point in time I've taken on a "don't ask" kinda profile and am content and grateful just to have someone I can be open with. 
I'm pretty bold in here, typing , being anonymous... but in real life , talking about this sort of thing, I'm quite shy.  She enjoys pulling secrets out of me , particularly the embarrassing ones. I tell her things I've never told anyone else and never will.
And it was during "one of those" chats when I had confessed to her that I wanted to be a better person, a better friend , and to make her smile more that she said "then submit to me"

I think it was a bit of a threshold crossing for her, and it certainly took me by surprise.
I won't go into all the details that took place after those words were spoken.  I'm not writing this for Literotica or some such. (although there's nothing wrong with that of course)

I have learned so much about myself and her during all this... it's almost too much to wrap my head around.   
I will answer the question that is begging to be asked...  Yes, I am now locked by her.

Again I want to thank everyone who gave the advice that really helped with all this. 
You have my sincere gratitude.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14/09/2020 3:02 pm
Phenious liked
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

You are very welcome. Glad we could be of service. If you have trouble opening up to her, try sharing your thoughts in written form via email or on this blog and sending the link to her. Seeing the feedback from our incredibly supportive group might help her digest things a little more easily.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14/09/2020 4:43 pm
Vikter liked
Brian
(@brian)
Active Member

Hi TWolf,

Lopsided power dynamics. Such a lovely rabbit hole you've entered. Truly my favorite. 

Best wishes to you both.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14/09/2020 11:16 pm
Twolf
(@twolf)
Active Member

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j
That's a good idea, and I do indeed clam up sometimes. I think mostly because it's what us guys have learned to do , or maybe biological.. and sometimes it's because I'm not sure on how I feel , or haven't processed a certain thing yet.
I did mention this blog to her though.  I do not know if she has looked at it.  If she does, she will certainly know which post is mine , zero doubt on that!!

side note; we were talking this morning through text. off and on , doing the usual morning stuff like making coffee etc.. 
She likes to take little 'teasing snipes' at me , today was no different and she asked what took me so long, that I had disappeared.  Well , I had , but it was for a shower and then I was hit with work phone call.   Her underlying concern was that she knew I was a bit cranked up and was wondering if maybe I was cheating.
I wasn't , and I can't. This thing really won't come off.  I plead the 5th on whether I tried around midnight on day 5 ...   Moving right along...  She seemed a little unconvinced , so I covered up all skin and sent her a picture of the cage poking out.  We don't do nude stuff at all in anyway. 
She was satisfied with the answer but still doesn't trust the device 100% . Several times she has mentioned me getting a piercing. At first i thought she was just being 'bratty' ( our word )
But I now know she actually means it.   I'm very undecided about this honestly.   On one hand I want to do that for her, really do...  but on the other ... well... I think I'd have to get circumcised first , never seen a picture that wasn't and I can't even imagine how to go about that. Then there's the pain and healing bit... I do have to work... ugh.. it's a lot to think about.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/09/2020 10:59 am
Twolf
(@twolf)
Active Member

Real time update
She just called and asked what I was doing... I do not lie to her and answered that I was posting on the forum that I'd mentioned quite some time back.
A minute later I was pasting the link into Messenger and waiting...  would she be pissed....
She isn't...  ( exhale)
She has read the whole section here up to where I mentioned the piercing stuff... That started a whole 'nother conversation. And I asked her point blank if it was something that would make her happy and if she'd like me to go through with it.
She didn't answer...   she will be answering in here once she is home and settled in.
So... now I wait , I'm glad she's joining because there is so much insight to be gained in this forum.
I'm a bit scared; because there is so much insight to be gained in this forum!!

oh, and lol... she now knows I'm uncut and self conscious about it. The site rips away another layer...

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/09/2020 12:10 pm
KeeperoftheKeys
(@keeperofthekeys)
New Member

And so much you can't hide.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/09/2020 3:30 pm
Twolf
(@twolf)
Active Member
Posted by: @keeperofthekeys

And so much you can't hide.

uh oh..... I think I'm in trouble... 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15/09/2020 3:34 pm
Page 1 / 2
Share: