Just a bit
of an intro...
Emma: love the site and the info from a realistic woman's POV. Very helpful, I think. Thanks for all the effort you put into the site.
My wife and I are both mid-50's. Only one kid around (away at college most of the time). We've been experimenting with chastity and T&D for a couple of years now. I "discovered it" and suggested it, and have helped educate her initially, so to speak. It was not something she was familiar with, but she appreciates the control and benefits, though she is not normally a dominant personality. But, she has generally embraced T&D, and keeping me locked (I am as I write this). As for me, I appreciate the focus it gives me on her desires and needs, and softens some of my naturally strong personality. I like her being in control.
I am generally the one who has the free time to search out useful info like your blog, and it's helpful to see what others' views, likes, etc are. I try to gently encourage her to be more assertive, while being mindful that I don't top from the bottom (hopefully). I really appreciate when she acts or makes decisions on her own, or suggestions that I "run with"...as in this year, she's decided I'm allowed only one requested release per month. Anything else is purely at her discretion. In the past, she's kept me denied for as long as 6 weeks, and often 1-2 weeks, and caged as long as a week. I find the cage to be magical in how it effects me. And she likes how I stay horny, and she gets lots of attention in many ways. I think it opens up communication and brings us closer. She also appreciates the torment she causes to me!
Lately, I'm also trying be more motivated in other ways, to show her know how much I care about her, through pampering and spoiling her when I can. It's not always easy, as she's a pretty self-sufficient, and highly competent professional and mother and wife, the way it is. And she sees her role as somewhat traditional for a female in a household. But she is at least starting to hopefully see the benefits of this approach. Here's hoping for continued progress and mutual benefit!
Thanks again for hosing this site and the effort. I look forward to more.
Very well written and sums up the exact reason why I put this site together. The goal here is to bring couples closer together and ensure that the man listens to the woman's needs without the sole focus being on his selfish needs. You said one thing that I especially liked "It softens my naturally strong personality". I really like the way you illustrate that it doesn't change who you are but it takes the edge off and helps to level the playing field between the two of you. How often do the two of you have sex?
I'd love to hear more from her and get her perspective on your personality and relationship changes. Thank you very much for posting!
Thanks for the response and kind words. Most appreciated. Glad you liked the post.
I think you captured what I meant even better than I did. I think her control does level the playing field, and when I focus more on her needs, whatever they may be, it makes me a better husband, and improves our relationship. I focus on pleasing her in all the ways I can - not just in the bedroom. So, I think it brings out my core feelings and beliefs, to be the best guy I can be (hopefully, or at least more often). Certainly, I also wish to earn attention and affection from her in sexual ways, but I'm perfectly aware that it's entirely up to her. And I prefer it that way. She has complete control of my uncaging and releases.
I'm not sure she is as analytical about the cause & effect relationship between the cage and my personality. What she usually says is she likes having control over me, she likes keeping me frustrated & tormented (denied), and she likes that it keeps me horny. But she also notices that I am more attentive, helpful, and gentler in various other ways. There have been periods where we've not been able to use the cage, and while I noticed a distinct change, I have not heard her vocalize the differences in the same way I am describing here. I can feel it inside, though, and when we do talk, she says she appreciates how I am.
Also, I should say that I am far more comfortable talking (or posting) about this type of subject. We have different levels of willingness to be "in public" about this subject.
You asked about sex. Well, sex takes various forms, of course. When I am not caged and denied, I'd say we have sex with my full release a couple times a week. Oral or PIV. And I always reciprocate. Always. But when I am caged, which is more often than not these days, she gets daily oral from me (or at least the offer), and PIV sex whenever she wants (which is usually me asking!). But I am not allowed orgasm unless she approves. And, of course, I always clean up my spill for her. She loves this. The only time I don't is when she goes down on me. She doesn't even have to tell me - I just do it for her, as it's what she expects.
Generally, I'd say a typical evening is something like this: laying in bed watching TV, me naked & caged, her in a nightgown, she teases my nipples (they're very sensitive) and me through the cage while I return the stroking/affection. If she says I'm not getting out tonight, then I'll ask to lick her (which I ask her all the time - I love doing this for her). If she lets me out, she will edge me for a while until precum or a tiny spill is happening, and then she will lock me back up (and I'll then lick her). Sometimes she will ruin my orgasm, but not too often. Or, while edging, I'll ask to make love, and if she says yes, then we do...though usually she says no release for me before we start. And lock up again after. As I said, if I do release into her, I lick her to another orgasm after. But as mentioned in the prior post, our plan this year is only one full release a month for me unless she "grants" extras. Probably the only nights I sleep "free" is after a full release.
I could probably go into more detail, but perhaps that's enough for now. Thanks for your interest, and again, thanks for hosting this site. I look forward to more discussion.