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More than just about the fucking

subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Honorable Member Supporter

Came across this when looking at Tumblr.  It made me pause.  I know that some are different and to those of you, God Bless you.  I mean that.  For me?  Truth be told, it would not turn me on but rather it would be at the very core of my worst fear because it's a bell that can't be un-rung.  Living in an evolving, loving WLM, it will always exist as a distinct possibility, even though we currently don't find ourselves on that razor's edge.  Other than the "to each their own" aspect, what are your thoughts.  

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Topic starter Posted : 29/04/2021 8:52 am
Brian
(@brian)
Trusted Member

My comment is based on no education, only what i've read or heard so apply lots of salt.

Its my understanding that people didn't evolve monogamous. That monogamy is a fairly recent thing.
Men evolved to spread their seed as widely as possible and women evolved to provide the best chance of survival for the child. In practice, from a certain view, this could explain why men are less likely to form emotional bonds with multiple sexual partners where women are more likely.

I've also read that the cause of this is in part the different chemicals involved in male and female orgasm, i.e. male orgasm tends to have a drop after it where female orgasm is often followed by a sense of closeness and intimacy.

So, your photo, I can see the potential for literal truth in it.

 

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Posted : 29/04/2021 3:05 pm
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Honorable Member Supporter

@brian,  Yup, that's my understanding as well.  Your words do a good job explaining why one's wife/gf would/could literally begin an irreversible process of genuine emotional feelings/falling in love with/something more than just fucking, with another man. 

I'm no scientist nor do I have a BS in psychology like our friend Stan, but, for me anyway, it seems like once that fire is lit, it would burn enough to cause damage to what we have.  Is that damage fatal?  Is that damage irreparable?  Is it the kind of damage that might clear away some of the weeds and let some new grass grow?  Who knows.

Even if there was deep, meaningful communication, and even if there was never an initial intention for love between her and her caged and restricted husband to wane and be replaced, in whole or in part, by another man, it seems inevitable that the foundation of our marriage, and the type and depth of love would evolve and dramatically change to require room for another in that love.  It's different in a Femdom relationship than say a polyamorous or open relationship, because in a D/s relationship, one person has expanding horizons and the other's closing.  

Again, these are MY fears and in no way do I look down my nose or intend to apply my thoughts and fears to anyone else.  It's a quandary.  I blame compersion.  *smile   Damn you compersion!  *another smile

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Topic starter Posted : 29/04/2021 3:36 pm
nevertoolate
(@nevertoolate)
Active Member

It is less fear filled when you learn that women are very capable of loving more than one man. My role as a husband of a wife that takes lovers is to be the rock, the safe harbor she can return to. Reliable and supportive. A partner in life and the "crime" of extramarital relations. It fails when you withdraw your love and support out of fear of loss. Keeping the flame alive requires more stocking the flames with fuel. If she loves someone more, passionately, love her more in kind. Relish her joy. Make sure she sees your approval and support. She is taking a huge risk doing this. The last thing she needs is a testy husband. 

I would say your horizons are expanding when she takes a lover. Your sex life is improved with the quality of her experiences. You two are having more sex and romance, through her experiences. If you derive pleasure from her pleasure with others, it is a gain.

There is a special feeling being supportive of your wife dating. You share her excitement in preparation. You allay her reluctance and fears, you are there for her when things don't work out, and witness the joy and change in her when she feels extra loved and satisfied.  

Being alone while she is with another would normally be felt as a loss of her attention and time. Long term relations need quality time together but they also need time away to break routines and sameness. Her absence and your knowledge and imagination of what she is doing with others is a high octane experience. It should give you a feeling of loss which in turn is the engine of excitement and anticipation of return. It is the time to take that energy and focus it into productive behavior for her benefit and yours. That stress you feel is you evolving.

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Posted : 28/11/2021 9:25 pm
bestwhencaged
(@bestwhencaged)
Active Member

My Wife and i have discussed threesomes.  The main concern W/we have is testing/safety.  As both of U/us do not have any STIs, and wish to keep it that way, they are extremely common and many people (including friends of mine) live with them.  If my Wife were to take another man (or men) as Her lover(s), how can W/we guarantee one of them doesn't infect Her?  Let's be honest, condoms are not 100%.  And there is always risk in transmission with oral.

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Posted : 03/12/2021 9:30 am
HanaMae
(@hanamae)
Active Member

To lie with two men is beautiful. Feelings are impossible to be gone completely but strong love for husband plus chemistry with other man! @subhubphx

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Posted : 03/12/2021 10:21 am

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