Psychologists have created a new tool to measure the phenomenon called compersion
In my marriage my husband can’t satisfy me in sex, he can orally. He is satisfied when I am sexually satisfied in sex and orally. His role is to give me oral.
That is an interesting article. I like the way it breaks down the mix of feelings that make up the overall sense of “compersion”. It says that a limitation of the study was that the participants were mainly “white, polyamorous, and women.” It seems obvious that the participants would be polyamorous because monogamous people would not likely have experienced compersion. But I find it curious that the participants were mainly women responding to questions about male partners having sex with other women. I wonder why there were fewer male respondents?
It is unclear how relevant this study is to cuckolding. Were the women who responded to the survey in open relationships that allowed both partners to have sex with other people? I can imagine some people who enjoy having sex with multiple partners wanting their primary partner to enjoy similar experiences. I wonder whether the kind of “compersion” a cuckold or cucqean feels is identical to compersion in a fully open relationship? The article says that one can think of compersion as the opposite of jealousy. I don’t entirely agree with that. I definitely experience compersion when my wife has exciting sex with another man. But it would be inaccurate to say I don’t experience jealousy. I do. But I get masochistic pleasure from jealousy in addition to compersion.
I jam curious whether the women here, like Emma and Suzanna, who have enjoyed sex with men other than their partners would feel compersion if their partners were free to have sex with other women. @Steph put that question to Emma in a different thread, but I haven’t seen an answer from Emma. I think my own wife likes the fact that she can have sex with other men while expecting me to be faithful to her. In fact, when I raised the idea of her being free to have extramarital sex, she was initially suspicious that cuckolding was a ploy to create an ethical justification for me to have sex with other women. She only pursued her freedom to have extramarital sex on the explicit understanding that I would not expect to have that freedom myself.
@suzzana My wife could say the same thing about me. I like it that way. But I’m curious whether you could imagine getting pleasure from allowing HIM to have sex with another woman. Do you ever feel it is unfair for you to have a sexual freedom that is denied to him?
Interesting article but left me confused. Does Compersion necessitate a 3rd partner? This article certainly reads that way but I have read other definitions that define compersion as feeling joy or satisfaction at your partners satisfaction without receiving benefit yourself. I certainly feel that, and MUCH more so now due to chastity, but we are not ready for polyamory, at least not yet.
It is also interesting that they studied purely FMF relationships. I wonder how guys would score in/out of chastity (with or without a 3rd considering the broader definition above)?
@headtrip My understanding is that the term “compersion” was coined by people studying the psychology of polyamorous relationships. But I could see how it could logically be extended to cover the analogous feeling of joy a man in chastity gets from giving his partner unreciprocated sexual pleasure.