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Taking a third!

Janell
(@janell)
Active Member

Hi Everyone!

Ever since we got together, my husband and I communicate to each other when we find someone attractive or feel possible chemistry with someone that we know. Once we started playing with chastity, my husband communicated his desire for me to be with another guy. We've talked about this multiple times and we are abundently clear that it isn't just heightened hormones talking when he is locked. and I have joked about possible boyfriends for me. I tell him about guys that I find cute and we both are on board with cautiously trying it at some point. Where would we find a guy who would be interested in this sort of situation. Since covid we don't go out much so that limits the possibilities and neither of us have any single guy friends that I find interesting in that particular way.

Orgasm denial is amazing for our relationship. We started earlier this year right after Valentines day and we've never looked back. Our communication and connection have never been stronger. We are looking to take the next step together and see where it takes us. The biggest learning curve was teasing which we find to be an amazing way to be emotionally and hormonally connected!

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Topic starter Posted : 08/09/2021 1:39 pm
lil c, HappyCuckold, nevertoolate and 2 people liked
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

Don't move faster than you feel comfortable. It is OK for this to be a fantasy forever and it is perfectly fine for it to go to reality tomorrow. Just take things at the pace that makes you feel comfortable. Don't look for the traits that you love in your husband, look for the traits that you find frustrating but strangely arousing. Your husband is your partner in this, talk through the pros and cons traits list with him. The more you include him, the more fulfilling this will be for you both.

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Posted : 08/09/2021 9:04 pm
lil c, HappyCuckold, nevertoolate and 2 people liked
Janell
(@janell)
Active Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Don't move faster than you feel comfortable. It is OK for this to be a fantasy forever and it is perfectly fine for it to go to reality tomorrow. Just take things at the pace that makes you feel comfortable. Don't look for the traits that you love in your husband, look for the traits that you find frustrating but strangely arousing. Your husband is your partner in this, talk through the pros and cons traits list with him. The more you include him, the more fulfilling this will be for you both.

That sounds right. I want to find someone who is willing to move at a snails pace with me. I am very excited about making out, possibly more than anything else! I don't know about my husband watching, however. Would you say it is necessary that he watches?

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Topic starter Posted : 08/09/2021 10:28 pm
Janell
(@janell)
Active Member

I think my husband is more interested in the physical side of things and I am more interested in the way the experience will make me feel! It seems so exciting that I can almost describe it as scary!

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Topic starter Posted : 08/09/2021 10:48 pm
winstonmacgregor
(@winstonmacgregor)
Active Member

Are you looking for a relationship with a third person or will it be more like an open ended third spot for dating others in general?

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Posted : 09/09/2021 5:33 am
Janell
(@janell)
Active Member
Posted by: @winstonmacgregor

Are you looking for a relationship with a third person or will it be more like an open ended third spot for dating others in general?

Just to explore with a third person. I like what Emma said about taking it slow and kindof seeing where it all goes.

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Topic starter Posted : 09/09/2021 7:26 am
HappyCuckold
(@happycuckold)
Trusted Member

@janell You remind me of my wife back when I told her I had cuckold fantasies.  Like you, she was really turned on by the idea of being free to experience sex with other men.  We had fun playing with the fantasy for quite a long time before moving from fantasy to reality.  When the opportunity finally arose to do it for real, she had been turned on by the fantasy for so long that she seized the opportunity, after sending me a text to ask if I was sure it was okay.  I told her it was.  After doing it once, there was no turning back.  My wife didn’t have a lot of sexual experience before we got married because she was, by her own account, rather straight laced back then. She regretted not having more sexual experience when she was young, so she was happy to be able to make up for those past regrets, and I was happy for her. Happy and incredibly turned on.

You said you aren’t sure how you would feel about your husband watching you make out with another man, and you asked whether it is necessary for your husband to watch.  I don’t think there is any one answer that would be satisfying to every couple.  But I can tell you that my wife has never allowed me into the bedroom when she is with another man, and I am fine with that.  I want her to do things in whatever way gives her the most pleasure.  But she tells me about her extramarital adventures, and we both get pleasure from that.

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Posted : 11/09/2021 9:34 pm
lil c
(@lil-c)
Eminent Member

So far, all you and your husband have agreed upon is the idea of you "being with" another guy.  That's way too general.  As you together modify the "forsaking all others" commitment you made to each other, you have to be very specific about ground rules, about what you are both agreeing to.

You mention him being more interested in the physical side, and you asked here for thoughts about having him watch.  If you are going to do this, once you and your husband have agreed to the new parameters of your no-longer-monogamous-and-exclusive relationship, you, not your husband, have to take control of what happens with the additional guy.  Consensual non-monogamous relationships in which the husband controls (even manipulates) the wife's relationship with her new beau are often doomed to damage the marriage.  

You decide if you husband watches, not your husband.  Of course the other guy has a say, but guys are horny creatures and the new beau is likely to defer to your choice on that.  You decide whether it's just a make-out session or goes all the way, not your husband.  If you are just pleasing your husband and breaking your own personal code of ethics and your own hard limits, you will eventually feel used/abused, and what was once a perfectly good marriage may be over.

As to finding a guy, I'd say that if you want to keep it out of your current friend circle, any public place with alcohol and unattached guys is a goldmine.  You can make-out in a bar or grind against a guy on a dancefloor, and as long as he doesn't have a wife or girlfriend present and you have at least one friend present, it's pretty safe.  If you find a guy you really like and want to go farther with him, you can give him your contact info or ask for his and meet again.

This post was modified 1 week ago by lil c
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Posted : 12/09/2021 3:37 pm
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