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I finaly told her.
 
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I finaly told her.

sah80
(@sah80)
Active Member

I finally did it.

The past several months I spend much time to write a letter to my beautifull wife. Everytime I read it over myself there were little things that need to be changed slightly. In all those months I could not find the courage to hand over te letter. And sometimes the time was not right, due to her period. In that time of the month her head is no tinto it.

In this letter, after a short introduction, In which I stated that I would bet he best possible husband and father for her and the kids, I started to sum up the female bennefits of male chastity like:

Would you love to be courted again? More cuddling and kissing  without having sex? , a man who is eager to please you? One who is emontionaly more connected?  Etc, you get the idea.

I also summed up some books, blogs (this one of course) and articles, written by and for women. The red line in all those stories is the same: you could have all those bennefits when you can say no to  the male orgasms (and our biological urges).

I wrote her if she would like to know more about it, and of course how much I love her.

 

She was shocked when I gave her the letter when we had just finished having great sex. She was affraid I would have anal sex with her, or even worse: BDSM stuff.  In the light of the two other things, this wasn;t so bad, she sort off said. After that her response was: Wow, if this is so important to you, of course I want to know more about it!

The following days she had many questions. She did not understand why. I tried to explain things to her, but  wanted her to read some articles.

For the next two weeks we discussed it several times but briefly, because I really wanted her to read some things. I was affraid that when I told het to much, that she would not read the articles about it, so I kind off hold the conversation off. Last week she was a day off from work and stated that she would read some about it. I told her I had already something to read ready for her, and gave her the book: male chastity by Lucy Fairbourne and one of Yogagirls 101 blogs: the retaining male (here on Evolving Your Man). This blog was the most non-kinky article to read without directly locking a mans penis up.

When I came home later she was at the dining table reading the printed yogagirl blog with a marker in her hand. So I guess she takes it very serious. Now I patiently wait for her to finish her readings and bringing it up at her pace.

The last times when being intimate with eachother, she did not know if I wanted to finish myself. I did not know it either. I focused on her and  tried to forgot my own orgasm. We had sex for a long time, slowly, sometimes a break for me. In the end I came of course. (so yes, I need her help with that to just say no to me over time) She definitley  enjoyed it and was aware of the difference.

I think we made a good start with this.

 

Thanks for reading this long story!

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Topic starter Posted : 27/11/2020 6:48 am
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soundsofdelight
(@soundsofdelight)
Eminent Member

Hi sah80,

It was lovely to read your story. I can wholly empathise with you as I have been going through the same process as you. I 'came out' to wife only recently and she has struggled a bit to understand my "kink" but so far has not embraced it to any degree. She knows I wear a chastity device at night and even asks each evening whether or not I'm locking myself up. For me, apart from liking the physical feeling of being locked, it controls my masturbation urges so I am always ready (and very willing) to pleasure MsWife. However, for the moment at least, it remains a solitary experience of which MsWife is aware and accepting but not necessarily willing to participate in. I am my own key holder so have to make sure the key is not easily available to myself during the 10 hours or so I'm locked up. Patience is definitely order of the day and you, like me must let your partner reach her own acceptance of the idea in her own time. By broaching the subject with your partner you have dealt with a major hurdle but don't keep bringing the subject up, let her talk about it as and when she wants to.

Good luck.

 

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Posted : 27/11/2020 9:17 am
sah80
(@sah80)
Active Member

@soundsofdelight

Thank you for your reply! It looks like we are the typical males in this process. I truly hope for you that your wife will one day jump at it.

No I dont pester her about it. It is difficult because she had not finished reading the printed blog.

In the meantime her period arrived, and I know that she is not into it that time.

Somewere this week I'll ask if she finnished the blog. It will be the first time I bring it up. 

And like you, I'm self locking also, but she does not know. I wear it during daytime to work and especially when home alone, so I dont get lost in waching porn and all the bad that comes with it. The key is within reach, but the cage is a reminder to my loyalty towards her. I prommissed myself to save my energy for her and our family, and I intend to keep that promise.

Hopefully with her help over time.

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Topic starter Posted : 13/12/2020 7:25 am
Jafo987
(@jafo987)
Active Member

I enjoyed reading your story.  I have been where you are at and am a bit further along in my journey.  One of the books I gave my wife to read was Locked in Love by Key Barrett.  It helped my wife in understanding male chastity.  Although I am not locked all the time, my focus is on her sexual pleasure and not mine.  Unless we are having PIV sex, I don’t get to cum.  I’m fine with that and gives me a lot of pleasure in just pleasing her.  
Hope this helps.  

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Posted : 19/12/2020 6:34 am
goldilocks
(@goldilocks)
Eminent Member

@sah80 The hard part is over and you took the big step. It takes a lot of courage to open up about our deepest and most misunderstood desires. And only couples who trust each other and do not take advantage of these confessions can work through this and add even more strength to their relationship.

I can empathize with you because when I was dating my wife, I brought up my bisexuality and serious male relationships that I had had prior to meeting her pretty early on. I remember how heavy my heart pounded at the time but looking back it made all the difference as it made it easier for both of us to share our sexual insecurities and desires with each other.

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Posted : 19/01/2021 2:39 pm
sah80
(@sah80)
Active Member

@jafo987

Thank you for the recomendation on the book.

I will order it some day. I dont want to buy her all kind of books and overwhelm her with this.

When she is on board and want to read more Iwill order it for sure!

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Topic starter Posted : 21/01/2021 6:32 am
Jafo987 liked
sah80
(@sah80)
Active Member

@goldilocks

I can only guess about how you must have felt that day!

I think the main thing is with coming out (chastity/sexual desires or attraction to other/same genders) is the taboo that is on it. if those matters were more socially accepted, it was not so hard to talk about it with the one you love.

 

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Topic starter Posted : 21/01/2021 6:37 am
sah80
(@sah80)
Active Member

Well she finished the reading on the yogablog about the retaining male. some weeks ago. Just before I would have asked her about it.

It took her so long because she hates to read in english, and asked me many times about material in our own language, which I have not found, or which I classified as bullsh*t.

She stated that she is not confident in a controling role. I understand that  and should be surprised as she was. 

I told her to keep being herself and that I dont want her to change. 

The next few times when having sex she was a bit confused because she did not know of I would like to cum or not. The BIG difference was however that I fully focused on her and tried to forgot my own orgasm. we had sex much longer, with breaks for me, massages for her. She noticed the difference. In the end I came of course, but in a different way. Slowly, not in a hurry. It was intense.

The latest time when we had sex were different again. Two times in a row I did not cum. After she had enough and I could not hold it much longer she watched it twiching while cuddeling. She asked me if I could sleep this way. Of course I stated, but it took awile when she was asleep...

another time she was not feeling IT like other times and quited our intimate time together. This has never happend before, But I was glad she did, and not be silent and continue to pleasure me.

So over the last 4 weeks  I came 3 times (out of 8 or 9 romantic evenings) In between I am on the self chosen honour system. 

So I think something shifted in her brain, the acceptance that the male orgasm is not always needed.

I am curious If she will read the book I gave her after I told her (male chastity by lucy fairbourne) and this wonderfull site of course with many interesting articles.

Above all I am curious how this journy will evolve.

 

 

 

 

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Topic starter Posted : 21/01/2021 7:14 am
goldilocks
(@goldilocks)
Eminent Member
Posted by: @sah80

@goldilocks

I can only guess about how you must have felt that day!

I think the main thing is with coming out (chastity/sexual desires or attraction to other/same genders) is the taboo that is on it. if those matters were more socially accepted, it was not so hard to talk about it with the one you love.

 

Social acceptance and acceptance by your partner are slightly different things. For example, thankfully in UK, homosexuality and transgender rights are much better protected in law and celebrated (as opposed to just tolerated) well within the society itself. I am at a senior position where I work for a large firm and am openly bi-sexual. No one considers that abnormal --it's just another thing. We do get harassed sometimes (esp. I think the toxic males are mean towards the trans and cross dressing community) but it has been getting better.

However, when I dated people, some men as well as women objected to my bi-sexuality. Both feel threatened by the other gender and feel they won't be able to compete with the other. Lemmings to this date only pegs me so that I don't get crazy ideas of sleeping with a guy.

So that day, I was clear I had to bring it up before matters became serious between us. I was nervous because I really liked her but not hesitant because I knew I had to be honest. When she gave me a "I don't care" answer and a shrug I knew I had started dating someone with an open mind. It was whom I was currently dating not whom I had dated in the past that was important to her.

 

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Posted : 21/01/2021 10:42 am
sah80
(@sah80)
Active Member

I agree that: Social acceptance and acceptance by your partner are slightly different things.

I think I was trying to say that It is harder to bring things up with your partner that are socially not (yet) accepted. 

I'm happy for you for being yourself in your working life. 

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Topic starter Posted : 28/01/2021 6:18 am
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