Our FLR results in a different take on “Date Night.” Our focus goes beyond simply making sure we time for each other. We agree that it is important to be intentional in tending our relationship. But, we actually do several different things, each with a separate purpose. Three out of four are directly for us and the fourth is indirectly for us.
1. Tending to our relationship.
2. Tending to our souls.
3. Tending to our romance.
4. Tending to family.
We are in our early sixties. The youngest of our four kids is 27. Three out of four are married. So the nest is long empty. this definitely makes things easier.
Tending to our relationship. My wife chooses one weekend morning in advance for our FLR check in. She stays in bed while I bring a tray with coffee, Baileys Irish Cream, and often a Mimosa (if she is inclined) to the bedroom. We snuggle and have a talk our the status of our FLR. The conversation is free flowing, but always has two consistent agenda items; first, review the previous week by both of us, specifically from the perspective of our FLR, and second, what can I do to in the future to make my wife’s life more extraordinary or improve the FLR.
‘Tending to our souls. We set aside one night each work week where we leave the office by five and spend the evening together where we focus on my service to her. I remain naked from the waist down (she often joins me by doing the same). So, we call it “no-pants Wednesday.” Kids, friends, work, are not allowed to interfere. This is not a “date night.” It is a night of complete focus on her and her leisure. The night rarely ends with us having sex, but often ends with me “sending her off to sleep” with an orgasm or two. After she has come, I will pull her into a full embrace, with her head on my shoulder, and she will drift off to sleep.
‘Tending to our romance. This happens pretty organically and may even happen more than once a week. We might go see my son, the opera/jazz singer perform, hit a local brewery or winery, or go out for dinner to a restaurant that my wife likes. Most people would call this “date night.”
‘tending to Family. I have a 30 year old son with Autism. My wife has a quadriplegic brother who lives with her 91 year old mother. We coordinate a single time that we both use to check in with these special people. Doing this at the same time avoids us taking more time away from each other.
The first two are events that are formally established in our FLR contract. The second two just happen in the natural flow.
She sent a zing through my body.
Those who have been following my journey, as I have shared it here, know that prior to our relationship my girlfriend/fiancé/now-wife was very much operating under the conditioning and inhibitions imposed upon her by her Catholic mother and very traditional ex-husband. Our journey is, at its core, the story of her confrontation of that unnatural conditioning and those destructive, and self-diminishing, inhibitions and me embracing the fact that submitting to her dominance has allowed my liberation from the overwhelming stress of my life, by day, as an “alpha male.”
Our evolution has been exciting and remarkable. At a pace that has been comfortable to her, we have progressed to the point that we have an FLR that is formal and openly acknowledged. We hide in plain sight, answering direct questions from friends and strangers with complete, but non-graphic, honesty. If asked, we honestly answer that I am in charge at work (where I am the lawyer and the owner of the law firm) and she is in charge everywhere else. We never involuntarily subject third parties to our dynamic, and even when asked, we use accurate, gut non-sexual language to describe our relationship. We even publicly hint at the nature of our relationship with the license plates on our cars. And we have signed a written FLR contract.
But, no doubt, resisting 60 years of destructive conditioning, is always the biggest challenge for my wife. As a consequence, for the last couple of years, her New Year’s resolution for each year has been to “lean into” her dominance in our FLR.
In truth, I cannot deny that she has entirely accepted her dominance and her role in our FLR. But she is very compassionate and loving in the way she implements her FLR. Her blossoming has really been the realization of a fantasy to me. But sometimes, I cannot believe that it is actually true.
Any doubt is purely in my own mind and clearly reflects my own insecurities that I could truly have found a naturally dominant woman who actually thrives on having a submissive man as her husband. It is actually pretty funny that even though I am the one who showed her the way to an FLR, she has truly and fully accepted it before me.
I am truly committed to our FLR and I live it 24/7/365. I just saying that I am living such a fantasy life that there is still 1% that thinks it must be a dream.
And then she does, or says, something that gives me a bracing reality check. And when it happens it is exhilarating.
Last Saturday, we were in the car on the way to our club to hit the gym and go shooting. We were talking about the things that wanted to get done over the weekend. She was sharing her plan for what we were going to do on Saturday and what we would do on Sunday.
She explained that we needed to get a number of things accomplished on Saturday, because “you’ll be servicing me most of tomorrow.”
She was referring to decisions she had made in our weekly FLR meeting that we had that morning. After we reviewed the FLR week that had just ended, we discussed, as we always do, how I can make her FLR better the next week. She listed the things that she would like.
When she referenced that I would be “servicing” her, here is what she told me she would like me to do for her on Sunday: I would start that day by serving her Mimosas and coffee in bed, then I would worship her pussy (and make love to her in any other way she would like) until she was satisfied, then I would be trimming her pussy hair before giving her a pedicure. In the evening, I would then be making her dinner (it was unnecessary to say that I would be cleaning up afterward) and we would be watching “Lioness,” a TV show she is currently enjoying.
I guess that point is that when we have our weekly FLR meetings, I am always in sub-space. Once we get back into our routine, I shift into a more “normal” mode. But, when she so matter-of-factly referred to the simple fact that I would be spending most of the next day “servicing” her, I was transported back to sub-space instantly. I think that is the fastest I have ever gone from “real world” to “sub-space.” The best word I can think of to describe it is “delicious.”
We have decided to add chastity to our FLR. But it was my request, not her insistence.
I surrendered my orgasms to my wife more than three year ago (when she was my girlfriend) at the time we were just beginning to formalize our FLR. I have been on the honor system since then and have had no problem keeping my promise. She allows me about one orgasm per week, along with several tease and denial sessions. I love the constant feeling of heightened arousal from what is effectively extended foreplay. Compersion is a big motivator for me, and I simply love enjoying the feeling of power she gets from having me serve her without reciprocation or teasing and denying me.
When we started this journey, my then-girlfriend was intrigued by the idea of having my bits and pieces under lock and key, but she simply wouldn’t believe that it wasn’t terribly uncomfortable. Since the honor system worked for us, I would only occasionally wear my Mature Metal “Rings of Commitment” to remind me of my submission and her dominance if one of us is traveling without the other.
In the past two months, work has become insanely busy for me with increased time away from home and very long hours. At the same time, my wife’s mother and brother are both facing terrible health issues. One consequence of all this tress is that we have less time together to be intimate. We still do everything we can to make sure that we keep our weekly Tuesday night of service submission by me. During these evenings, we end our day at 5:00 and come home regardless of what else is going on. I pamper my wife and wait on her hand and foot. It is about giving her an evening of maximum indulgence and rarely involves any sexual activity. Her sexual dominance is on display, however - I am always naked when I serve her. She does let me wear a t-shirt in the winter if it is cold, and most of the time she wears nothing from the waist down. We don’t do this for titillation, we do this to reinforce the dynamic of her sexual dominance.
A few weeks ago, when we were having one of our weekly FLR check-ins, we talked (as usual) about what we could do to improve our FLR. After she spoke, she could tell there was something on my mind. She told me to speak up. I shared with her that I understood she was very busy, and I did not want to seem needy (because the purpose of our FLR is to focus on her desires and give her an extra-ordinary life), but that I was missing the frequent intimacy and subspace that I feel when she teases and denies me. She replied that she loves having sex whenever she wants it without feeling like she has to reciprocate. She said that she also really enjoys teasing and denying me. But, because she is under so much stress, her desire to those things is greatly reduced, at least for the time being. And she does not want to feel obligated to tease me when she just wants to relax.
I agreed that to make her feel obligated to cater to my sexual kink would be totally contrary to fundamentals of our FLR, but I told her I had been thinking about an alternative that would give me a more constant reminder of my submission without her having to take any action at all. I told her that I thought we should reconsider chastity; not because she needed it to ensure that I don’t have orgasms without her explicit permission, but if she was willing I would see it as a gift from her to me to allow me to wear the device and have a constant reminder of my submission to her.
She agreed that we could try it so long I could convince her it was not uncomfortable and her “goods” will not get damaged. She told me to find a device that emphasized comfort over security (since she knows there is no chance that I would dare to give myself and orgasm without her permission). The device arrived quickly. My first full day in the cage just happened to be one my weekly evenings of service. We call it “No Pants Tuesday.” Of course, I was naked. As I brought her a glass of champagne she told me to stand close to her so she could inspect the cage. After checking it over and looking for any signs of pinching she waived me over to my chair. We sat in front of the fire and she enjoyed her champagne as I enjoyed some red wine. She said, “It really looks uncomfortable.”
I replied, “Well, I have never worn a bra. But I would venture to guess that it is no more uncomfortable than wearing a bra all day.”
“I hate wearing a bra,” she said.
“I know,” I replied. “But a bra doesn’t put you in sub-space the way this cage does to me.”
She nodded, “I get it. I do like seeing that your submission is on constant display.”
Last week, during our weekly check in, after I had asked what I could do to make her next week more extraordinary, she asked me if I was getting what I wanted with the cage. I told her that not only was is comfortable, but it was also instilling me with a sense of pride.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Well, for example on No Pant Tuesday I got a palpable sexual charge when I bent over the dishwasher to load some plates. I could see myself naked except for my chastity cage and at the same time I could see you snoozing on the couch in the family room. It was like putting my tongue on a 9-volt battery. In got a zing and I immediately went into sub-space. I took a moment to reflect on how happy I am in our FLR and it gave me a sense of pride that I was enjoying working to please you and you were so content that you had fallen to sleep.”
Her only reaction was to smile and instruct me to lick her pussy. When she had cum enough to please her, she told me I was a “good boy” and rewarded me with a ruined orgasm.
I am excited about this next chapter in our journey. We may have to revise our FLR contract.
Welcome to the world of wearing a chastity cage, my friend. Welcome to the party.
As I explained in my previous post about adding chastity to our FLR, my Mistress and I began seriously discussing it because she has been so stressed due to work, her mother’s increasing dementia, and her brother’s worsening disability, that she feels much less like playing than usual. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel guilty or obligated to satisfy my kink to be sexually dominated, but I can’t say that I don’t miss our “normal” frequency of unreciprocated sexual service (by me for her) and her teasing and denial sessions (which have been an important tool of domination for her).
We decided that as a gift to me, she would give me permission to lock up (assuming she could be convinced that it is not too uncomfortable) so that I would have a constant reminder of my submission to her. We made the decision about 3 weeks or a month ago, and after a few adjustments, I have dialed in on the proper and completely comfortable arrangement of cage and ring. My wife is now assured that her goods won’t be damaged and that I can wear the device comfortably.
This morning, we had our weekly FLR status meeting. We had another fantastic and open discussion (they usually are). We both find that it warms our hearts that we have found each other and that both of us get so much out of a relationship where she can unapologetically and comfortably assert her dominance and desire for control and where I can unashamedly live in submission to her.
Today’s conversation covered a lot of serious, and highly private ground. My wife is going through a TON of very personal stuff right now that readers here don’t need to know about and, frankly would be of no interest to them. So, I will skip to the outcome of the meeting.
The upshot is that we both came to understand that we have created a solution to her most pressing problem. Lots of people feel overwhelming stress because of situations at work, with parents, and with ailing family members that are totally beyond their control. No one likes being in that situation, but it is especially stressful for my wife because she is used to having things under control. Controlling things for the betterment of everyone involved is her thing.
But how many people have a person, better yet the love of their life, who is not just supportive, but who openly loves her exercising as much control as she likes?
She explained to me that she is going to do her best to live more in accordance with the Serenity Prayer: "Oh, God, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what can not be helped, and insight to know the one from the other."
She is going to use the power of our FLR to take the negative feelings of lack of control that are overwhelming her and channel them into the positive, enjoyable feelings of control that she gets from dominating me. Instead of simply permitting me to passively wear a chastity device as a substitute for her active domination (totally me-focused), she is going to lean into her FLR and my willingness, better stated - my longing, to be dominated by her. She is going to actively embrace requiring me to be locked for her to emphasize how much control he does have over the most important thing in her life (her relationship with me), and get the pleasure she derives from dominating me. She sees the fact that it will turn me on as an added bonus.
It was a long talk this morning with both of us shedding tears. It ended with her teasing me to the edge with her hand, denying me release, and ordering me to lock up. We then kissed, professed our undying love for one another, and set off to tackle her list of to dos.
Oh, oh. I am wondering if I have created a monster!
I was very wound up all day yesterday what with the morning tease and denial session and being ordered into my chastity cage. I was very loving and attentive all day. When we returned home from doing my wife's errands, I stripped down so that I was naked below the waist and only wearing a t-shirt (well a t-shirt and my chastity cage). My wife watched me work as I unpacked and assembled a new gas grill. I was surprised how the extra activity, while locked in a cage, gave my bits and pieces an extra workout. It was impossible to do the work without being very conscious of my submissive locked condition. I was in a delicious subspace while I worked hard for her, locked and naked, while she relaxed on the couch sipping her champagne.
I think that leaning into her dominance had a very positive effect on her. When we retired to the bedroom at the end of the day, she announced without fan fair, that I was to remove the cage (so that she could inspect her "property" to make sure it hadn't been damaged) and "send her off" to sleep with a big orgasm. After her orgasm, she nestled next to me with her head on my shoulder for about 25 minutes. At which point she pronounced that I had been a "good boy" and she wanted to reward me with an orgasm. When I said that I thought she had said she wanted me to send her off and let first off to sleep in her "state of bliss," as she calls it, she said she could do what she wanted and, right then, she wanted to feel the power of making me cum with her hand.
So, she did. It had been 8 days since my last release, so it was extremely powerful when it came. She did not tell me to put the cage back on, so I was able to sleep unrestricted. As I drifted off to sleep last night, I wondered how my wife would move forward from her decision that morning.
Well, it didn't take long to find out.
As always, before I went to bed, I set up the coffee machine so that when she gets up earlier than me, all she has to do is push the button. She did get up before me today and was finishing getting dressed when my alarm went off. She immediately came and sat down next to me on the bed. She said, "Good morning."
"Good morning, Mistress," I replied. "Thank you for allowing me to send you off last night and for granting me an orgasm."
She smiled and nodded her head. Then she went on. "You made a second pot of coffee yesterday and forgot to empty the pot before you set up the coffee for today. When I started the machine this morning, it overflowed the pot and ran all over the counter."
"Oh, no," I said. "I am so sorry, Mistress. I hope you left the mess for me to clean up."
"No. I did it myself because it was running everywhere." Then without a pause, "You have to be punished."
An electric shock went through my body. She has never indicated a desire to discipline me before.
"You are to put on your cage right away," she instructed.
"Of course, Mistress," I answered.
She nodded her head acknowledging that I understood her instruction. She gave me a kiss and left me to my thoughts.
The first thing I did when I saw her at the office today was to reiterate my apology for screwing up the coffee and making a mess. I also thanked her for holding me accountable.
"Its all right. I've done it before, myself," she said. "Just don't let it happen again."
My wife and I have come very far in our FLR and she has become very comfortable with, and enjoys, many acts of dominance and she positively revels in my submission. While she has grown as a Domme her inhibitions have gradually, and almost completely, faded away. But, I concluded a long time ago that she was never going to be open to two things: physically disciplining me and cuckolding me. I still can't imagine her wanting to take a lover, but I guess I have to strike the domestic discipline off the list.
"We both find that it warms our hearts that we have found each other and that both of us get so much out of a relationship where she can unapologetically and comfortably assert her dominance and desire for control and where I can unashamedly live in submission to her."
This is so wonderfully said!
"Instead of simply permitting me to passively wear a chastity device as a substitute for her active domination (totally me-focused), she is going to lean into her FLR and my willingness, better stated - my longing, to be dominated by her. She is going to actively embrace requiring me to be locked for her to emphasize how much control he does have over the most important thing in her life (her relationship with me), and get the pleasure she derives from dominating me. She sees the fact that it will turn me on as an added bonus."
Again, so wonderfully. You darn lawyers are cunning linguists, along with being master debaters. * 😉
"My wife and I have come very far in our FLR and she has become very comfortable with, and enjoys, many acts of dominance and she positively revels in my submission. While she has grown as a Domme her inhibitions have gradually, and almost completely, faded away. But, I concluded a long time ago that she was never going to be open to two things: physically disciplining me and cuckolding me. I still can't imagine her wanting to take a lover, but I guess I have to strike the domestic discipline off the list. "
I'm so happy for you guys to be at this point in your journey. I think I've told you in the past that your journey is very similar to ours for various reasons, like no cuckolding, committing to your respective roles, discovering the unmitigated joy in each role, and so on. Of course, there are some slight variations, but otherwise, they are pretty similar. Physical discipline and punishment difference for example. My Wife has always used spanking and other physical disciplines from the beginning. When we bought our first chastity cage, it was a cheap Chinese knockoff of the plastic CB6000. I was uncomfortable and almost impossible to clean while it was on me. Then, it never stayed on for longer than a day, day and a half, tops. As a result, Mistress K. relegated it to a device to be used for punishment purposes. That was then. Once we discovered the custom-made Jail Bird (model) from Mature Metal (manufacturer), all that changed. It is made so well (stainless steel) that it is comfortable and can be cleaned without having to remove it. Game Changer!
My Wife had the same concerns as yours: comfort and whether or not wearing it would damage or harm anything. We very quickly discovered that neither was even a whisper of a problem ... which led us on the path to where we are now. I'm required to be caged at all times unless there is a compelling reason not to, like travel, discretion, activities not conducive to it being safe, or just her whim. Our path took us here for all the good reasons you pointed out for wearing, check that, being required to wear a cage. The always-on cage requirement, coupled with the requirement to always be naked in her presence in our home when we are alone, makes each new day in service to her, something to look forward to.
It's great to see you back here writing, too, btw.
Yesterday, I had two, not just one, new firsts in my FLR.
While both my wife’s best friend and my best friend know, explicitly about our formal female led relationship, nobody else knows anything except that respect my wife very much, dote on her, and defer to her in public. Even our best friends don’t know about our recent venture into male chastity.
Last night was my first night to sleep in my cage. It was very comfortable and maybe it was because of my age (62), but my sleep was not disturbed by any painful morning erections. When my wife kissed me goodbye this morning, I was still in my cage from yesterday when she told me I needed to be punished.
Not long after I left home, I realized that the first thing on my agenda for the day was my annual check up by my dermatologist to scan my body for anything that looks suspicious. Almost immediately it dawned on me that I was going to be fully exposed and there would be no hiding my chastity device. I have an emergency key on my keychain (neither of us are worried about cheating), but it was my place to remove the cage without my wife’s permission. So, I immediately sent my wife a text.
I wrote, “Mistress, I have a question for you.
“My appointment with the dermatologist is so that the PA can give my body a look over to see if anything looks questionable. The routine is she makes me get naked except for my undies and then pulls them down briefly to give a check from the front and back sides.
“I am quite sure it will not be a big shock to her as I would be surprised if she has not seen a patient with one before, but it’s your choice whether I should remove my cage before the visit.
“It seems to me that she’s going to find out one way or the other. Either she’s going to see the cage outright, or she’s going to see that bruise on my dinky from where I pinches myself and ask where it came from. So that just means I’ll have to tell her about the cage. If you want me to keep it on, obviously I’ll give her a warning before she goes there.
“The choic is 100% up to you because this is your space. I’m completely comfortable with whatever you choose, but it is your decision to make.
“You make me happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”
As I was pulling into the parking lot at the doctor’s office, I received her reply. She said, “Take it off. . . I don’t have the bandwidth to think about the consequences right now.”
Before entering the doctor’s office, I slipped into the men’s room and used my emergency key to remove the device. I thought about what I would say if the physician’s assistant asked me about the bruise on my penis. I decided that I would tell the truth but be as dry and clinical about it as possible.
After being shown to an exam room, I was given a very skimpy paper gown and told to strip down to my boxer briefs by the medical assistant. Shortly thereafter the PA entered the examining room. She was a very attractive young woman (not that that has much to do with it) who was probably a less than 30 years old. She had a wedding ring on her finger.
She asked to remove the paper gown and checked my arms (where he found a mole that she didn’t like), chest and back. She asked me to recline and put up my feet so she could inspect my legs. As she finished, she said, “OK, just a quick look under your shorts” and reached for the waist band of my underpants. The moment of truth. I was surprised that I was not nervous.
Sure enough, she quickly spotted the obvious bruise on the top of my penis. “Ouch. How did that happen?” she asked.
I took a deep breath and answered, “My wife and I have what they call a ‘power exchange’ relationship and sometimes I wear a chastity cage for her. A few days ago, I pinched myself while putting it on when I wasn’t being careful.”
Without missing a beat, she said, “Oh, is that an FLR kind of thing?”
I was really surprised but tried not to show it. “Exactly,” I said.
“She must be quite a woman,” she said.
“That she is,” I replied.
“I get it,” she said, then asked “You’re keeping things clean?”
“Absolutely,” I replied.
“Good,” she said. “Just keep an eye out for chaffing and be careful not to break the skin.” Her tone was absolutely matter of fact and professional. Then she moved up my body to check my neck and scalp.
I couldn’t help wondering whether her familiarity was because of personal experience or professional training. I am sure she sees tattoos and piercings everywhere that she was trained to deal with, so who knows. All I can say is she handled it like a real pro.
She recommended that she take a biopsy of the mole on my right forearm and had the med tech come into prep things. I was told I could put all my clothes back on except my button-down shirt. After I was dressed (I went ahead and put the cage back on) the PA came back into the room a few minutes later.
She gave me a shot of anesthetic, and while she was waiting for it to take effect she noticed my bracelet. My wife and I have matching leather bracelets. The bracelets have a metal buckle with our names and the letters “FLR” engraved on then. We wear them every day, but nobody has looked closely enough to read the engraving.
The PA read the names aloud and said, “Are those your kids?”
“No, those are my wife’s and my names,” I said.
By then she had read the rest of the engraving, “Oh, FLR. I see,” she said. Then, “That’s really sweet.” And conversation ended as she took out her razor blade and took the biopsy.
When I got to work, my wife came into my office to ask me how the appointment went. I told her about the biopsy. Then she asked, “Did she see your bruise?”
I shared the story, and all my wife did was smile and give me a kiss.
The whole experience was definitely a first. But I had another one at the end of the day.
Once my wife and climbed into bed, my wife told me that she wanted me to send her off (where I give her an orgasm or two with my fingers and then she falls asleep on my shoulder). Of course, I was happy to oblige. She did not offer, and I did not ask, to remove my chastity cage. I was so turned on while I was I was bringing her off (with her leg pressed against the cage) that I thought the device was going to tear my balls clean off.
What a wonderful feeling of blissful submission to hold my wife in my arms as she drifted off to sleep and I concentrated on my breathing to calm myself down and accept the tease and denial.
