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The Journey
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Topic starter
Dave didn’t want to read some of Emma’s old blogs with me last night. It seems Dave is taking a break from the site and hasn’t visited it for a few days now. He is having a problem because he feels Emma does not show Kevin any love when he gets to masturbate to his orgasm. He feels she doesn’t understand that the male orgasm can be as much about loving and bonding as the female orgasm and he is letting this color his interpretation of her blogs. He said he messaged her about his feelings but she chose not to answer his question so he is in a bit of a funk. I think this is his loss but whatever. I do wish he would come back to reading her blogs with me and I think we both have opened up some on this site.
I do completely agree with Dave on male orgasms however. I know Emma comes across as believing the male orgasm is nothing more than an intense, animal instinct release and needs to be totally separate from any love making whereas the female orgasm is an emotionally bonding experience. I and Dave strongly disagree.
I would like to relate our typical every other Saturday night when Dave gets his orgasm to show her and everyone here what a male orgasm can and should be. (Just my opinion so please don’t get your panties in a bunch.) Mind you, it took me a long time, years ago, to teach Dave the difference between having sex and making love and a little longer to teach him to be patient and to trust it was going to be wonderful if he let me control the love making. You might recall, I said in my first post here that FLR is not a free ride for the woman but the results are worth the effort. He now does little or no thrusting during intercourse and the orgasm becomes a side-effect of making love. A beautiful side-effect but a side-effect none the less.
We try to relax, maybe with a glass of wine and light conversation, before bedtime and just enjoy each other’s company. This is important because it helps us realize how much we like each other as well as love each other. As we get undressed I give him the key. We kiss and hold each other for a minute or so before we climb in bed. We might even play a bit such as he’ll swat my butt lightly or I’ll squeeze his testicles and we giggle almost as if we have never done this before. As if it is going to be our first time. Then he will lay me on the bed and climb in next to me. We will have foreplay for a half hour or more which starts out as sensual touching and gentle kissing and eventually turns into raw passion. Usually, all on his own, he will give me an oral “O.” Then he resumes the very sexy foreplay.
At some point I will roll him on his back and mount him. It works best for us this way because I have total control and it keeps his weight off of me so I am more comfortable and can last longer. His limited motion is sideways and longways sliding against my body which puts some pressure on my clit and mons area. I do all the thrusting. He concentrates on caressing my body. His hands will rub my breasts and butt including running a finger along my butt crack and inside my thighs. I love that he has such long arms. He will kiss me passionately. I will take us both to the edge two or three times and then slow the pace until he almost goes limp. When I do this his attention turns to kissing my neck and shoulders because he knows how much I love that feeling. As I pick up the pace he returns to passionate kissing and sexual touching. It is the beginning of an amazing rollercoaster ride.
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This can go on for close to a half hour (I’ve never actually timed it and time is elusive in the height of passion) and then I decide it is the moment. He never knows when it will happen until a second or so before I pull the trigger. He will be ready to explode and I am past my point of no return and I thrust two or three times and we both have a fantastic orgasm. Mine usually starts first and as soon as my vaginal muscles start to contract his whole body just convulses.
Then we just lie there together for a couple of minutes while we come down from our high. When he is calmed down he will kiss my shoulder and neck and gently caress my back. I enjoy that for a moment and then I touch his face and shoulders so softly and his breathing changes to almost a sigh. This is not the end of the love making. This is the beginning of a whole new love making that is purely sensual. We touch each other so softly. Touching is the most sensual and most fulfilling way of communicating. A single touch can say more than a paragraph of words. His orgasm and mine are more than a sexual release. He calls his an amazing gift I give him that tells him how much I love him.
In the early years after we had our orgasms we held each other for a minute or so and kissed and went to sleep. The orgasm ended the love making. It was the culmination for him. I taught him, well actually I taught us because I had to learn this too, that the orgasm was just a rest stop along the way in making love.
So back to our love making journey. Now we will snuggle and cuddle and talk quietly for a long time. Then I start to encourage him to get a little sexy with the touching. I might even have him spoon me with his penis at half-mast against my butt and his hands rubbing my breasts until I am fully aroused again and I have him go down on me. He will go way down and kiss his way up my legs till he reaches my vagina. While he gives me oral I will wrap my legs around his head and touch his face while he caresses my beasts and mons and I soon have one more fantastic orgasm. He kisses his way up my body till we have one passionate kiss. We snuggle for a few more minutes and then he wraps those arms around me and I just melt in them and I’m asleep in no time.
Sunday morning we don’t have to get up at any special time (This is why Saturday night works so well for his orgasm.) and when I wake up I gently touch his face and shoulder. He pulls me so tight against him. He jokingly says he doesn’t want any air gaps between us. We will snuggle and cuddle and talk about anything. Even what we want to do for the day. Once in a while I will get playful or sometimes I’ll get frisky and we end up with me getting another oral or manual orgasm. The point is, Sunday morning starts on a high note and Dave never has Post Orgasm Depression. By continuing the loving after the orgasm and again the next morning we override the effects of all those chemicals he releases with his orgasm. His attention will be on me all day. Since we got our chores done on Saturday, Sunday is a day we just do whatever we feel like. I get up and take my shower and Dave takes the sheets off the bed and puts them in the washer and we make the bed when I get out of the shower. Dave takes his shower and puts on his cage and we start our day. If I just want to do my needlepoint or the like he will sit near me and do his KenKen puzzles or watch a game on TV and we talk. If it is a nice spring or fall day we may go out and do some gardening. Not his thing but I love it and he will help with the weeding or planting. Or we may go for a picnic. Whatever. It is always something I want to do and he enjoys it no matter what.
What does this all say? It says when he has his orgasm it is not nearly as much about the big “O” as it is about the feeling of being loved more than he could imagine. It makes him want to show me how much he loves me. And what do I get out of his orgasm as part of our love making? I get the rollercoaster ride of emotions that would rival any ride at a Great Adventure Park.
The foreplay is the climb up that first hill and it creates the anticipation. That half hour we are coupled is sitting at the top looking down at the first drop. And the feeling that comes with that simultaneous orgasm is when your man holds you so tight as you plunge down that first free fall. Then as I come down from my high I get a narcissistic feeling. A feeling that says, “you still have it girl. You just knocked his socks off.” And then he kisses my shoulder and I am still a little narcissistic as I feel, “This man really loves me.” Then I touch his face and I know that I love him more than anything in the world and we just snuggle together and there is an amazing feeling of peace and everything in my life is perfect. Then he takes me up that last hill on the coaster ride and one last thrill as I get the last orgasm. After that last big kiss I curl up in those arms of his and I think, “We are as much in love after all these years as the day this journey began. And I am the reason.” It is no wonder I can fall asleep in an instant. I feel so fantastic about myself. Am I a narcissist? At least a little bit. It has been in my blood since birth. LOL
Three or four times a year instead of having intercourse we will do mutual masturbation of each other or even sixty nine just for a change. But we do it almost exactly the same way we have intercourse and we both experience those same feelings. So if you are not into PIV for reasons of pain or just don’t like it that way, as Emma says there are lots of ways to do it.
Would we have all this if it weren’t for my FLR, gentle as it may be? What about the chastity? I think both of those things are what make it possible. My leadership is how he evolved from having sex to making love and I taught him to let his orgasm just happen. The chastity schedule is what makes his orgasms so powerful and if we had this experience every day or so I believe it would be diminished and not nearly as special. In fact our love making might be better now than when he had orgasms every five days. On top of that we would not have all those nights in between that are strictly about him making love to me. Without his orgasm the feel is different. It is more sensual, even my orgasm, than sexual and since I touch him in that soft loving way through out he feels as much love as I do on those nights.
Do I equate my value and worth to my talents in the bedroom? No way. I take a lot of pride in what I do outside of the bedroom. My volunteer work is very rewarding and I have a beautiful garden and I even won a red ribbon for one of my needlepoint pieces at the county fair one year. But what I have created in our love life makes me feel like a woman because no man could have created such a powerful, loving experience.
For those of you who endured this I appreciate your indulgence. With luck, maybe I even gave some keyholder some ideas about making love to her man.
Posted : 27/09/2021 4:54 am
One size doesn't fit all (oo-er Missus), so keep doing what works for you. But you are, at the end of the day, on a site that caters for a range of kinks and what works for you and Dave wouldn't work for me and my wife.
I'm submissive and get the most reward in a situation I feel that my body is being used by Her solely for Her pleasure with no thought for mine, where She cums lots and I don't, though I might get close. Cuddling together while She recovers and I'm horny as hell is bliss to me.
So I think you're right - for you, and Emma is right as well, though I lean towards Emma's view.
Topic starter
I realize we are a much more vanilla than most here and I don’t fully understand the more extreme roles of domination and submission. Maybe you can help me here. I really believe that everyone needs to feel loved. I hope I can ask you a couple questions regarding this without upsetting you. I am just trying to understand the dynamic as it seems so one-sided to me.
Do you get any feeling of being loved while you are having sex? If so is it just when you cuddle or does she do things like a special touch or special words that show you she loves you while you are providing her with her orgasms?
Does she do things during non-sex times that make you feel her love and if so what sort of interaction is there that makes you feel loved?
Do you get to orgasm at all and if so how? Does she do anything to make you feel loved while you do it or after you do it?
Posted : 05/10/2021 3:57 pm
I realize we are a much more vanilla than most here and I don’t fully understand the more extreme roles of domination and submission. Maybe you can help me here. I really believe that everyone needs to feel loved. I hope I can ask you a couple questions regarding this without upsetting you. I am just trying to understand the dynamic as it seems so one-sided to me.
Do you get any feeling of being loved while you are having sex? If so is it just when you cuddle or does she do things like a special touch or special words that show you she loves you while you are providing her with her orgasms?
Does she do things during non-sex times that make you feel her love and if so what sort of interaction is there that makes you feel loved?
Do you get to orgasm at all and if so how? Does she do anything to make you feel loved while you do it or after you do it?
Not speaking for Stevesub, but his/their situation is very similar to that of Ms. K. and I. We have long consciously separated an orgasm for me as any determining factor in our sex. As Emma as said often, the act of sex that always (or usually, or sometimes) culminates in an orgasm for the man tends end up as being the deciding factor, and thus makes sex centered around the man's orgasm.
When we entered into our WLM years ago, we consciously and openly talked about how instead, we would cherish my Wife's orgasm and that it would always be the determining factor in "successful" sex and love making. In other words, the mutual goal for us during sex is her sole pleasure, whether or not that culminates in an orgasm for her. It almost always does. Having her be in complete control of my orgasms/ejaculations for many years has essentially allowed me to be able to actually prefer (hold onto your hat here) to be denied an my own orgasm in favor of the constant state of arousal I feel for her immediately after sex. In fact, every time she orgasms, I genuinely feel grateful for "our" orgasm. The overwhelming feeling of joy and bliss I experience by witnessing her orgasm is now my favorite way to cum. So much so in fact that I have literally been able to orgasm without any physical stimulation and by merely watching her orgasm. She likes to call it "fucking the air" and will tell me I am allowed to orgasm by "fucking the air" while her orgasm builds and finally reveals itself.
I am allowed 3-4 orgasms per year. One usually on my birthday, one usually on our anniversary and one (or two) that is at her total whim. Sometimes she is just so aroused, and so much into her Domme-space that she will require me to orgasm, ignoring my pleading with her to deny me. In addition to those, I am give 4-5 ruined orgasms per year, which amazingly allows the near sensation of an orgasm but also has the benefit of there being zero drop-off that men normally experience immediately after a full orgasm. I know it all sounds crazy, but orgasm control has been the single most beneficial aspect of our lifestyle, and I can honestly say that I have never felt more loved, adored, cherished as a husband in my entire life. Moreover, my sex life has never been better.
My answers, if you are interested, to the questions you posed to Stevesub are:
- Do you get any feeling of being loved while you are having sex? If so is it just when you cuddle or does she do things like a special touch or special words that show you she loves you while you are providing her with her orgasms? YES! In the context of our marriage and lifestyle, I do get genuine joy and pleasure in being of service to her, and not just sexually. When she tells me "that's all for now", or says I'm a good boy (good boys get treats), and especially when she enthusiastically tells me she loves me, I'm able to fall asleep holding her with my mind in a beautiful place.
- Does she do things during non-sex times that make you feel her love and if so what sort of interaction is there that makes you feel loved? Absolutely. She will walk up and just kiss me deep for no reason while staring deep into my eyes. She will rub up on me, fondle me and otherwise make me feel desired by her. She will require that I perform certain sexual task merely for her viewing pleasure. She will frequently tell me how happy she is to have me as her husband.
- Do you get to orgasm at all and if so how? Does she do anything to make you feel loved while you do it or after you do it? Rarely. Sometimes it is PIV, other times it is when I am told to masturbate to completion for her. Other times other ways. Just a month ago or so she gave an orgasm orally, which was a wonderful and unexpected treat. Like you and Dave, our lovemaking is very passionate. If I do get a rare orgasm, she will usually give me space for a day or two and will behavior that I would otherwise receive punishment for because the hormone depletion a man has after orgasm.
I realize there are plenty of differences between an acknowledged WLM and a more vanilla version of a WLM, but our (Her) decision to completely eliminate my orgasm as the defining moment sex happened, and her control of my sex and my orgasms, has been the single most beneficial thing in our marriage. I NEVER feel deprived of her love and genuine attention, and we have never been happier. Now that we are empty nesters, we have sped up our journey in all aspects of our WLM. We both are very excited to see where our exploration takes us.
Posted : 05/10/2021 4:43 pm
Topic starter
@subhubphx That actually makes me feel better. To me love is what a relationship is about and what I read in many posts make it seem so one-sided. Obviously not the case here. Regardless of how you and your mate perform sex, she makes sure you feel what every human being needs to feel, reciprocated love.
I may try to get Dave to read what you wrote here so he can maybe see "love" from the viewpoint of someone who is sexually submissive to his wife.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my questions so completely.
Posted : 05/10/2021 5:01 pm
Topic starter
Stephie was looking at your post and asked me to come in and read it to get a better perspective of how a submissive man sees love making. I read it and I told her I don’t have any problem with what you are doing. I said it is not what I would want but it is about love. That is what I thought the site is supposed to be about. She asked me if I wanted to comment on what you said and she said I could do it under her name so as not to have to close and then reopen and all that.
It is obvious your wife loves you and it is not about the power but about what you both want. Your communication is two way and she is concerned that you do not ever feel deprived. Though there may be teasing during the days it is not about making you frustrated. She shows you love in so many ways to keep you focused on the relationship. Your relationship including when she gives you an orgasm is about love. This is important because your orgasm ends up as much about the closeness and intimacy as the physical release. Something I don’t think Emma understands can happen in a man. Or maybe she doesn't see it as important to the man.
I can relate to your shared orgasm. I just found that for the first time a couple weeks ago. It is indeed special. Stephie is on top with my penis inside her and we are perfectly still except I caress her back in a sexual as well as sensual manner and eventually her body will stiffen and her vagina will pulse just slightly and she will have this sensual orgasm. When it happens I get this amazing rush and though I have no actual orgasm I feel like I have just shared hers. Then we just hold each other so tight as if it would all go away if we let go of each other.
What you have is what I thought this site was about. More extreme “kink” (although can you call it kink if it is a lifestyle that works?) than we have but the same kind of love. I would not have a problem with a couple like you and your wife being the guiding light on a relationship site like this is supposed to be.
As an aside if you want to eliminate or least drastically reduce the post orgasm depression when she gives you an orgasm you don’t stop making love after your orgasm. We snuggle and cuddle for as much as another hour and I usually give her another oral orgasm. The next morning (Sunday for us so it works well) we snuggle for a 1/2 hour or so. Sunday she makes sure we engage in talking and doing things together and she will touch me in that loving way often and all this loving seems to override the loss of testosterone and the release of all the other chemistry the brain puts out.
Posted : 06/10/2021 3:57 pm
@steph (Dave). I don't understand the significance, or why you sometimes reply using Steph's moniker.
Posted : 07/10/2021 6:06 am
Topic starter
@subhubphx That was my fault this time. Dave has been avoiding the site of late as you may be aware and when I saw your description of your relationship as a submissive I wanted Dave to read it. He was interested in replying but rather than me logging out so he could log in I just had him reply under my account. Sorry if that gets confusing.
Posted : 07/10/2021 12:14 pm
@steph
I'll try to answer your questions, but will begin by saying that our marriage was vanilla (though even that is a comparative and loaded term) for three decades, and my wife would initially have been content that it stayed so. Our lifestyle is at my behest and took her some time to understand, though now she very much likes it and would not return to the old days. While I am a self-proclaimed submissive, my wife would more accurately be termed "in charge" rather than Domme.
We have evolved rules about how and if I can ask for sex (very limited opportunities) while she can initiate it at any time. When we have sex we do what she wants for as long as she wants (which is one reason we avoid orgasms). I initiate nothing. This is entirely how I am happy for things to be and how I gain most satisfaction.
While having sex and during time together we understand we love each other, and we express this continually. We are best friends as well as married, so enjoy each other socially and intellectually as well as sexually - it's a very rounded relationship.
It's a long time since I had a full conventional orgasm, and I wouldn't thank you for one now. By this I'm referring to the male orgasm and ejaculation, followed by immediate cessation of all horniness. What I experience now after sustained edging and other play such as anal/prostate is what I describe as a full-body orgasm, without ejaculation. This is an experience that can last up to a minute, involves the whole lower abdominal region rather than solely the penis, and leaves me simultaneously stated yet horny and wanting more. Having had both, this is a far more satisfying crescendo than a spurt than sleep, and I can be brought to it multiple times.
Our lifestyle spills over from the bedroom in that I will defer to her when she wishes it and in that I have household chores, dress codes and grooming chores I need to keep on top of and must accomplish in prescribed submissive manners. But we keep it private and "act normal" when friends or relatives are about (though I'm sure there are suspicions 🙂 ).
As I say, this is not what would suit many, and for others it wouldn't go nearly far enough. I wouldn't overthink things though, all any of us what it to be happy, whatever form this might take
Topic starter
@stevesub Dave and I both have trouble understanding the true submissive nature so I thank you for taking the time to explain how your relationship works. I don't believe either of us would be comfortable in that kind of relationship but I recognize that everyone is different. Dave has a little more trouble with that concept. He is all rational and feels that everyone should want the things he finds so wonderful in our relationship.
I am trying to learn about true domme/sub relationships so I can be more comfortable here but I am sure that my beliefs about what makes a loving relationship won't change much. I will always believe that the most important things have nothing to do with sex or chastity. The important stuff is friendship and love and working and playing together and telling and showing each other that love the ninety percent of the time that is non-sexual.
I will always believe that the most important things have nothing to do with sex or chastity. The important stuff is friendship and love and working and playing together and telling and showing each other that love the ninety percent of the time that is non-sexual.
Sure. I think most of us would agree!
But for most men, left to their own devices, they'd never get to that point without some outside help.
And steel bars sure do help when properly applied on the outside ?
Topic starter
The friendship and love have to happen before it is a relationship where the cage would be involved.
The working and playing together and showing your love after it is a relationship may well be assisted by the cage and the woman taking control. Depends on the couple.
In our case, Dave automatically does more than his share because he was raised that way. You pitch in and do what you have to in order to keep things going smoothly. He is family oriented because family were the only ones who treated him nicely. So he enjoys doing things with me naturally.
If I wanted him to be my slave or flunky that obediently did all the work and was at my beck and call so I didn't have to do a thing, that would require some external control.
That is not what I want however, so in our case the cage is strictly about making our physical love life better for both of us and the control I have is mostly sex related also.
Posted : 11/10/2021 3:36 pm
Topic starter
@true42 There is no doubt that the chastity has made it possible to teach him the difference between having sex and making love. It has actually made his orgasm as much about the intimacy and love and emotions as the physical high.
Don't get me wrong, his orgasm is fantastic for him but that sensation lasts a matter of seconds. The loving feeling he gets from it makes him want to love me in a sensual way for as much as an hour after. It is hard to explain but he actually sees his orgasm as sharing an amazing moment of love with me and has no desire to ever masturbate again. We have chastity, at least in part, to thank for that.
Dave trusted me when I told him we could use chastity to make our love making better for both of us. His trust was also an important ingredient in this journey.
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