To book or not to b...
 
Notifications
Clear all

To book or not to book, that is the question.

Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

Over the last few years some have suggested that I take the time to write a book. While I've tried to distance myself from the idea mentally, I keep coming back to it as a possibility. I realize that part of my hesitance is imposter syndrome, not feeling like I am an authority on what I write about because I don't have some fancy letters like PHD behind my name. At the same time I also recognize how much people enjoy my very real perspective into what Kev and I try, what works for us and what doesn't. No fancy overpriced degree is a match for true personal experience. The book would mostly be a consolidation of blogs with some additional context and transitions along the way.

I am starting to come around to the idea but it would mea more infrequent posting on the site for a period of a couple months. Of course the forum would remain active and I'd probably drop a blog or two in as my mind explores ideas that I arouse while writing the book. What are your thoughts? Is a few months of silence worth it? I've started with a pros and cons list.

 


Pros:

A greater level of credibility for me and for the site.

 

Cons:

Lack of time to post on the site.

 


Lastly - what would I title it?

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 05/09/2021 11:38 am
subhubphx and joebear liked
J.M
 J.M
(@j-m)
Eminent Member

Pros: Personal grows

          Chance to reflect over things

ReplyQuote
Posted : 05/09/2021 12:44 pm
Emma liked
joebear
(@joebear)
Active Member

For the love of god yes. You are just so damn real. Struggles and accomplishments. You are much more educated than I but I can still read and follow without looking up fancy words. For me you dumb it down which I need. Go for it. 👍

ReplyQuote
Posted : 06/09/2021 5:56 am
Emma liked
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Honorable Member

Of course you should - if your heart tells you too.  You of all people Emma should be well suited to not actually caring what anyone thinks of you regarding any initials behind your name.  I guess it would depend on what your goal would be in writing a book.  So many questions for you to ask yourself  ....  The self satisfaction that would come from disseminating useful and valuable information for others to learn from and enjoy?   Wanting to become by being an accomplished, authoritative author and subject matter expert and it be a significant source of income?  Would it scratch a exhibitionist itch that perhaps needs to be scratched? 

Any measure of success would likely change your life as you currently know it.   Would you want to be openly known as an author and subject matter expert (cuz you are) of sexual material that for some in the open world would deem deviant or pornographic?  Would you want to remain completely anonymous in the real world much like you currently are?  Would having your identity revealed bring with it the kind of change to your life that you would welcome and enjoy, or cause drama for you and yours?

Pros, from one fan's point of view:

  • You'd sell at least one book, guaranteed.  Me.  I would buy it.
  • There are plenty of examples of accomplished and successful authors of FLR/WLM/chastity/orgasm control/non-monogamy that have no discernable so-called credentials, because they let their common sense, their words and expertise do the talking of information that they seek and want to consume.  Clearly you would rank among the highest among any of those.
  • The world would be better for it.  You would undoubtedly be instrumental in forwarding and promoting the message of of how this widely defined lifestyle is a benefit to couples and therefore the world at large.
  • You have an already built in base of reasonable and grown-up avid fans and supporters that support what you do here precisely because it is useful and valuable and NOT because it is wank fodder like so many others sites. 

Cons:

  • It has the very real potential of completely changing your life as you currently know it
  • Less of you on this site.
  • Maybe having to wait for a book to be published to finally to get read your update/take on the current status of your life with Kev, and with Andrew, and the roles that each of you have assumed as a result of the aftermath (maybe aftermath isn't the right word) of your non-monogamous time living together.  
  • Being identified publicly and any potential negative aspects that it might bring to you, your man (men) and your happy home.  In other words, you can't put the shit back in the horse.
  • A greater distance between us as fans and members of this site, and you and your world on a quasi personal level, such as it is.

Of course you'll pursue your heart and your dreams, and while it is easy for anyone one of us to opine on what we think about what you should or shouldn't do, I'm certain that with intelligence and common sense wisdom, you'll navigate those waters just fine and in such a way that bring joy to your life, in whatever decide will or won't happen going forward.

That said, if you do become an author, before you dive in, can you bring us up to speed on what the effects are/were of your time time living with Andrew and Kev.  I for one am dying to know more.  I know you had promised a reveal in an upcoming blog, and I also know that you been struggling with exactly how to portray those details, but, um, can you?  *smile

You should title it - Evolving Your Man!

 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 06/09/2021 6:39 am
winstonmacgregor, J.M, Emma and 1 people liked
true42
(@true42)
Trusted Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I am starting to come around to the idea but it would mea more infrequent posting on the site for a period of a couple months. Of course the forum would remain active and I'd probably drop a blog or two in as my mind explores ideas that I arouse while writing the book. What are your thoughts? Is a few months of silence worth it? I've started with a pros and cons list.

 


Pros:

A greater level of credibility for me and for the site.

 

Cons:

Lack of time to post on the site.

A book is a huge amount of work.

Before you commit to doing it, see if you can sign up some of the people here to agree (in advance, and not "I might", but "I promise...") to help, either with the site or with the book. Editing, for example, is shockingly hard work. (Don't ask me how I know.)

You will have a blast if you choose to do it, but it is also a big commitment. I'd volunteer to help if my schedule permitted it (which it doesn't ... since I work 80+ hours a week before I get home and do lots of housework).

Also, you could likely get some help writing parts of it ... some "other views", if you will.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 06/09/2021 10:12 am
lil c, J.M and Emma liked
Steph
(@steph)
Trusted Member

 

You definitely need to write that book.  Dave and I agree that the way you write, your blogs are thought provoking and stir the imagination.  We have read several of your blogs and find afterwards we think and even talk about things that never even crossed our minds in the past.  We agree with much of what you say but we also disagree with some of it and choose to continue doing things differently than you do.  The point is we opened up to evaluating what we do and to looking at different options and  we are even trying a few little things that may make our relationship even better.  Your writing isn’t  “A How To Instruction Manual.”  Your point is always think about ways you can have a better relationship.

You express concern about a lack of academic credentials.  In the preface indicate that this is not a piece of academia but rather about actual life experience and feedback from hundreds of couples in the life style.  It’s goal is not to tell the reader what to do but is to open their minds to alternate choices for improving the love relationship.  Let them know it discusses pros and cons and pitfalls as well as the benefits and joys.   

I would think that one segment of the book would be a compilation of your blogs.  You may want to expand on them here and there.  You would need to write some segues to tie them together so it flows nicely.

A book like this probably won’t make the NY Times best seller list but I bet it would be received far better than you might think.  I also believe a lot of couples may benefit from reading such a book.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 06/09/2021 11:49 am
J.M and Emma liked
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

You are all so amazing, I love each of you. This isn't a project that I would take lightly. As @true42 said, this would be a massive undertaking so I really need to make sure I am ready. Perhaps a few more years under my belt, perhaps not. I don't really want to do two books, I'd rather just button one up and call it my life's work. I have no intention of creating a franchise like the "chicken soup" or "for dummies" books! If I didn't hate hearing the sound of my own voice so much, I might even do an audio book. haha.

Seriously though, I am warming up to the idea of a book but it is just simmering right now. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 06/09/2021 1:45 pm
J.M liked
winstonmacgregor
(@winstonmacgregor)
Active Member

@subhubphx To build on this well thought out message, the two choices are, are you doing this as a personal goal of yours or is it to spread a message? If it is a personal goal of yours to write a book, then writing a book is your answer. If it is about spreading ideas then it is good to consider that Tik tok has officially overtaken youtube as we no longer even have the attention span to watch videos anymore, rather we need it given to us in 30 sec clips. Ideas and information don't spread though books as they once did. Books are more of an official entry in to recorded history more than anything now. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 07/09/2021 12:43 pm
mgablea
(@mgablea)
Supporter Customer

I think you should write a book but it needs to be original and give realistic answers to the question, How do I? questions. Too many are cliché and repetitive. And for the love of grammar, please use spell check.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/09/2021 11:36 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin
Posted by: @mgablea

I think you should write a book but it needs to be original and give realistic answers to the question, How do I? questions. Too many are cliché and repetitive.

If I do a book, it will probably be a compilation of rewritten blogs from this site with some transitions and additional thoughts and context. I don't have time (or the desire) to start from scratch. Do you find a lack of concise answers to "how do I" type questions on this site or do you mean in general for books that already exist?

And for the love of grammar, please use spell check.

Do you find lots of spelling errors in my blogs or are you speaking of finding lots of spelling errors in other/similar books? I did start using grammarly about a year ago since I don't have a proofreader but I'd hate to think that too many mistakes slipped by me.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 09/09/2021 1:40 pm
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

@winstonmacgregor You raise a good point, I associate books with being an authority on a subject. I'd love to be able to respond to a reddit comment with "I literally wrote a book about that subject." so I think it would probably fall into the personal goal category. It's not like I set out to write a book but I feel like it is the next logical step. That said, it might be more useful to write a couple small mini-books and distribute them through the site for a small pittance. Motivation is certainly an important way to look at decisions like this.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 09/09/2021 1:44 pm
williamportor
(@williamportor)
Trusted Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Over the last few years some have suggested that I take the time to write a book. While I've tried to distance myself from the idea mentally, I keep coming back to it as a possibility. I realize that part of my hesitance is imposter syndrome, not feeling like I am an authority on what I write about because I don't have some fancy letters like PHD behind my name. At the same time I also recognize how much people enjoy my very real perspective into what Kev and I try, what works for us and what doesn't. No fancy overpriced degree is a match for true personal experience. The book would mostly be a consolidation of blogs with some additional context and transitions along the way.

I am starting to come around to the idea but it would mea more infrequent posting on the site for a period of a couple months. Of course the forum would remain active and I'd probably drop a blog or two in as my mind explores ideas that I arouse while writing the book. What are your thoughts? Is a few months of silence worth it? I've started with a pros and cons list.

 


Pros:

A greater level of credibility for me and for the site.

 

Cons:

Lack of time to post on the site.

 


Lastly - what would I title it?

I realize that part of my hesitance is imposter syndrome, not feeling like I am an authority on what I write about because I don't have some fancy letters like PHD behind my name.

 

J.K. Rowling and Steven King didn't have any letters after their names either, but they did pretty well. All I can suggest is 1. Give it a try and 2. If you don't have enough material for a full book, then write a condensed piece and send it to some magazines such as Cosmopolitan and In Style. You might just get surprised and be published that way. Also - Amazon.com has a publishing dept. for a percentage, you'll be guaranteed of being published with them. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 09/09/2021 9:59 pm
lil c
(@lil-c)
Eminent Member

It's been 4 months since your original posting about this, and you've had some excellent feedback here.  What I can add is the following consideration: turn your ideas into a book-length work, if writing it down is something that you need to do for you.  The best currently active writer I know personally writes because she needs to get the words out, to form them into a coherent and cohesive whole.  Whether anyone buys or reads any particular work of hers is very far down on the list. It's the creative process itself that compels her.  There is no point writing for acclaim or money - the vast majority of well-written books receive no critical acclaim, don't sell millions of hardcover copies, and aren't going to bought to be adapted into an original series for Netflix or HBO.  

Consider the creative act to be reason enough.  If it isn't, then don't write the book.  Consider your share of the sales of a couple of thousand digital downloads to be a bonus.  If your book does end up being bought by Hollywood to be made into a film or win you a prestigious prize and lead to more book deals, that's an even bigger bonus, but do it for the satisfaction of doing it.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 10/09/2021 7:26 am
mgablea
(@mgablea)
Supporter Customer

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j Sorry mam I didn't mean to ignore you. I wasn't able to post a reply.

I was speaking more generally about the poor quality of the books on the subjects of FLR, male chastity and non-monogamy. Your writing is excellent although you do tend to use then instead of than. Sorry. I tend to be a grammar Nazi. Please don't hate me.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13/09/2021 10:50 am
Share: