It seems that quite a few guys that have commented and messaged me are not submissive men by any stretch of the word. These men are sensible men with high powered jobs, lots of authority and presumably large salaries to go along with that power in the workplace. It seems that many of these men have pursued chastity with their girlfriends and wives.
I wonder if his desire for orgasm denial stems from wanting to be controlled in this aspect of his life. Perhaps it stems from the fact that he acknowledges that his wife/girlfriend isn’t an employee that he can order around and must submit to her whim to experience sex with her. His desire may be a reminder to his subconscious that she holds the sexual power in the relationship. Maybe it has something to do with temptation in the workplace, guys with high workplace status tend to be seen as attractive by women. If they are turning down advances of coworkers, maybe their pursuit of chastity is an admission of their fear of giving in to temptation in the workplace.
Perhaps this is an expression of his helplessness in initiating sexual activity. Most of these guys do indicate that they have a much higher sex drive than their other half. This is a way to cope with that disparity in sex drive without feeling inadequate or perhaps it is a way for them to deal with feelings of inadequacy in this part of their life despite feeling adequate in every other capacity. Maybe this is a way for him to solidify her role in the relationship as if to create a formal means to promote her to “Manager of Sex” in the relationship. Is the cage an admission that he chooses to be with her in spite of frustration due to their lack of sexual compatibility?
I will be the first to say that I’ve had some flings with incredibly attractive dummies but I’ve always found it to be a one and done. I’ve only really dated smart guys because I am turned on by thought provoking conversation. I don’t ever want a guy that I feel like I am talking down to. I wonder if smarter guys are more prone to be interested in allowing the female to take control of at least the sexual side of the relationship.
My own experience has told me that guys who have smaller penises tend to be more kinky while the guys with larger ding dongs tend to be more vanilla. I wonder if sexual kinks are a way of dealing with feelings of inadequacy or boosting self-worth/self image. Is this a sexual kink or is it the opposite?
This CEO type of guy pretty much sums up Kevin. His friends wouldn’t describe him as submissive. He doesn’t suddenly become my submissive when I am around. If we argue, he has a reminder to keep his testosterone from controlling his emotions. If he is disrespectful to me or doesn’t hold up his end of commitments he knows that I have some consequences at my disposal and I absolutely will exercise my right to do so. If he is unlocked, he starts to get resentful and snippy with me after three to four days. If locked the opposite happens. I think this is related to subconscious feelings that he should be in control since he isn’t locked. Locking him seems to completely resolve this type of behavior so we are typically on very regular schedule that you can read more about in past blogs.
Just some random thoughts for your Wednesday. Anyone have any thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Have a haiku that you want to share? Does your guy have a different profile than the “CEO”? If so, let’s discuss in the comments.
I’m not a submissive guy, by any stretch. In fact, “command” is actually part of my job title. I’m not young, either, being well into a long career of being the final authority with a lot of responsibility. There are a lot of ways to look at that, but from my insiders view, the most complete description I can think of is “tiring.”
A few years ago, I came across the idea of FLR, female-led relationships. I’d never heard of them. Many years ago I knew man who seemed constantly bossed by his wife, and my thought then was that he was just beaten down in life, depressed, and a poor example to his kids. I didn’t give it much thought. When I began reading some of the articles on men who defer or submit to their wives, I began to have an epiphany that is still rolling on to this day. The awakening to what should have been so obvious for so many years isn’t a one-time revelation, but has been what I see as a growth experience.
I wish I’d understood all this with my first marriage. There may not have been a second. That said, I’m glad I’m with my wife, and wish we’d met sooner in life.
I’m very conscious of being careful not to hurt or offend, though I manage to do both. The same way we know we could crush a puppy or a baby, we pick them up tenderly, treat them with kid gloves, precisely because we’re more powerful, stronger. I began to realize that in a relationship, the best thing I could do to settle an argument is to have a place and time when she has the final say, and then I began to realize that this works for almost all situations. A discussion can go on as long as she allows, but at some point, it’s got to be settled one way or the other, so why not defer to her? If I love her, wouldn’t I want that? Of course.
There’s something deeply liberating about not only deferring, but placing her in a preeminent position of both authority and respect, in a relationship I like to think of as knight and queen; the knight is no less a man, and will do anything for her, but yields to her.
We’re exploring chastity, a little. We’ve explored other areas. She’s absolutely not into domination or fetishes or anything of the kind, though she’s pulled out the bath brush and I’ve tasted soap, and there is a corner in our room with my name on it.
I won’t deny that I find the appeal of a strong woman to be both erotic and nearly spiritual. I find that when I yield to her, my love, admiration, respect, and desire for her increases an hundred fold; each time an act of obedience, respect, or love takes place, it increases my own desire to do more; it’s humbling, which in my opinion is a good thing. I think it makes me a better person, and a better husband, which is something I struggle to be. She certainly deserves better. If this proves a vehicle to give her what she deserves, I can’t see how it could possibly be wrong , or anything but a very, very good thing.
Hello Emma, I have been following your site for some time now with great intrigue…The relationship that you have with Kevin is certainly enviable! Not sure I if I could quite take it or if I just want the fantasy…but seems enviable :-). Like most guys interested in this relationship dynamic I could write a book here but pressed for time will try to keep quick and follow-up later…was compelled to register and write due to your Haiku reference…I write them to my wife all of the time and extend to telling funny stories about our family on an almost daily basis…all for laughs.
So I am the “CEO” type as you say…100 direct reports, 25 years of ice hockey, but nerdy…odd mix…I’m not blessed with iron jaw but am strong, ultra-competitive confident cool / nerd… (late 40’s for record)
I think, to some extent, this dynamic serves to satisfy two needs: 1) sexualizing the plight of a man, and moreso a monogamous man in a loving relationship, of being tempted for his whole life by beautiful women that he cannot have for one reason or another…being made to wait until the woman is ready satisfies and sexualizes our natural need for challenge…and 2) there is a slight regressive property to it…I feel like deep down I have so many issues and conflicts and faults, and for some reason I seek a “motherly” approach from my wife to only offer sex when I am truly being my best self. Make any sense? When I lose my temper I feel a need to be punished, when I have a great day at work and spend quality time with the kids and wife, I seek to be rewarded sexually. This has gotten stronger in recent years.
I could go on. My only ever desire for submission is to my wife and mostly when on the hormonal changes of waiting for several days. She is not “dominant” but occasionally has me pleasure her and then wait for a few more days for mine. We’ve played with Chastity but its been a while. I have some specific questions I’v been meaning to ask you guys about your relationship. Need to run now but nice to be able to contribute…
Hope you are having a great day.
es, that fits my life exactly. Successful and respected at work. There are beautiful girls in the office, definitely.
but I only want to live with a beloved partner, and not have sex with anyone else. I also don’t want to be able to play on myself and save it for us. therefore a chastity belt is important.
written so beautifully Emma, great