Getting Started

Introduction – What is Chastity?

If you haven’t read my article entitled taking the reigns and you are new to the concept of a female led relationship I would recommend that you start there.

Enforced chastity is the practice of denying sex to someone. This is typically done with the use of a penis cage. Penis cages confine the growth of the penis during an erection and can become quite uncomfortable which results in the brain telling the penis to become flaccid again. Eventually this constant correction trains his mind to make his penis hard only when you request and authorize it. It also has the added benefit of preventing masturbation which is a hidden killer of relationships. An enormous part of a healthy relationship is sexual energy.

I used to worry that chastity was creating an illusion of intimacy. The more we experiment with orgasm control, the more I feel that he is not behaving this way to get uncaged but because we feel closer and more intimate. The results are very quick so it can almost appear like a night and day difference which made me initially suspicious.

Cock cages are growing in popularity as they are getting visibility in mainstream press and the designs are less intrusive to movement than barbaric cages of yesteryear. Cages are easily purchased on Amazon, eBay or other online retailers. They are cheap, especially if you go with the Chinese brands and I would suggest that you start there. If you want this to fail, pull out the cage and tell him to put it on. You need to approach this more delicately. Tell him that you’ve got a kinky new game to play. That may pique his interest and start a conversation. You don’t want the cage to be a punishment but more of a tool that you can use together to heighten your love life. From his standpoint you want this to be a new and exciting toy. From your standpoint, you want this to be a tool to help mold his behavior. If you are denying and controlling the sexual aspect of your relationship he should be compliant because he is used to your sexual dominance by this point.

When you try on the cage with him, do it for a short period of time. 10 or 15 minutes. He should have minimal discomfort during that time and may even find the attention to his nether regions kinky or arousing. Wait a day or two, then see if he can go an hour. Two hours. See if he can make it overnight. They can be uncomfortable but a swipe of Vaseline against the touch points on the underside of the cage will get him through the night without complaint. Make sure that you unlock him first thing in the morning. Wipe him with a washcloth and reward him with some praise, a few tugs or a quick blowjob. No cumming of course.

You want him to associate the cage with pleasure and positive affirmation from you but not necessarily with sexual release. Check on him several times a day, grab his crotch when you are alone and tell him that you are just doing a cage check. Compliment him on how he looks and how sexy the cage makes him. At this point I really do like the look of a locked penis over the a flaccid penis so for me at least, that isn’t any stretch of the truth. You want the cage to equal your sexual acceptance for him, with time the cage itself will bring emotional satisfaction and self-worth. You want him to feel wanted when wearing the cage, you want him to desire wearing the cage because of the way you treat him. Again, don’t go for too long with him in the cage this time as the discomfort (negative) may start to outweigh the praise and reward that you are providing. You want to keep it on long enough to reinforce the positive stimuli that you are attaching to it. From there, put the cage on a shelf for a week or two and ignore him sexually for the most part. He will quickly remember the attention that he received while in the cage and subconsciously yearn for it. You want him to want the cage and actually request it. You really want him to think that it is his idea to be locked.

Now that you’ve got him understanding the positive aspects of the whole lockup idea which is undoubtedly going to be foreign, uncomfortable and intrusive. Start slow again but after a few days or a week, you should be able to get him through a weekend caged. For the first three days, he will complain and this is normal. Be patient and sympathetic with him and don’t be overly critical toward his complaining. This is completely new to him and he is going to want to talk about it. He may even start to have feelings or emotions come up after a few days due to the changes in masturbation habits and constant stimulation down there. Having his penis in the cage isn’t just orgasm denial, it is also constant stimulation. Every time he moves, the cage moves with him or against him. Some guys have likened it to having your hand on him all day just squeezing him tightly enough to remind him that you are there and thinking of him. For this reason, guys can eventually grow accustomed or even fond of the cage. If you let him go without it for a few days after a lockup period, he may feel naked or incomplete.

As you continue to work him up to your goal of a week, more emotions will surface. He isn’t used to these levels of what is predominately a female hormone. Think of yourself and the roller-coaster of emotions that we feel throughout the month. He is on a roller-coaster that he has never ridden before. You are the one sitting beside him and comforting him through the ride. This will only serve to heighten the emotional bond between the two of you. You may be astonished by his level of communication and affection, even in the first few days.

As you work him up to longer than a weekend, he should be wearing his cage to work and while doing some physical activities. He may complain of discomfort while doing activities such as basketball, hiking, golf, hiking, bicycling or any other activities that he might enjoy. If he has an active outdoor job, he may find some discomfort. This is only natural since it does restrict his movement. Use your judgement based upon the activity that he is doing but most guys can remain in the cage without release for the entire week. My previous boyfriend did some rock climbing at our local gym and although it felt different, we determined that he could wear it comfortably and safely while climbing. After a few months he even stated that it made him feel more secure. We did have to try a couple cages to find one that fit him well while climbing. A soft silicone cage was a much better and safer fit than hard plastic or metal. Do some trial and error to find the right cage for his body and his level of physical activity. Running, cycling, rock climbing, even swimming. Don’t let him be self conscious about wearing his cage under his trunks while swimming, nobody will notice a properly fitted cage. If anything, it will make him look a bit bigger.

What about sex? I don’t want to limit myself to sex once per week and you shouldn’t either. Feel free to unlock him throughout the week for sex, cleanings or any reason that you see fit. Don’t get him overly accustomed to you unlocking him but you should feel fine about unlocking him anytime you wish. Sex with a locked man is great! His member is always ready and you need not be concerned with a semi-hard penis due to recent masturbation.

You will also find his penis to be a bit smoother due to being confined in a smooth apparatus. That smooth feeling removes some of the uncomfortable friction and I find it to be noticeably more pleasurable. Another option that you might consider is sex without unlocking him. How would you have sex without unlocking him? There is always oral sex (yes please), pegging or you can do some teasing. Regardless of the form, keep your sex exciting and fun, always maintain control of sexual situations and initiation of any sexual activity.

We’ve talked a bit about the phases that he will go through but what about the phases that you will go through?

  1. For the first week you will let him cum a couple of times a week. He may be voicing concerns about his discomfort during this time so you may be worrying that his cage is uncomfortable. This seems like a sex game that may be more trouble than it is worth.
  2. After you realize that the longer he is locked up, the more attracted he is to you – and quite likely the more attractive you will find him. You will probably still fail to keep him locked up for very long periods because you are feeling guilt about taking over. It is becoming less work. You’ve found yourself flirting and teasing with him a bit more because it feels more safe to you. His pleas for release are getting more genuine but they can be easily dismissed. You are beginning to realize that denying him further serves a higher purpose for both of you. The thrill is mainly physical but you still struggle to find a good rhythm. You’ve come to identify his attempts to manipulate you and guilt you into sexual activity. This no longer seems like work but it still feels unnatural and somewhat awkward.
  3. You are relaxed. You are really beginning to understand that his state of continual arousal is a good thing for him which helps ease your conscience. His pleas for release rarely go without being punished which keeps his struggle out of sight and out of mind for both of you. Any attempts to guilt you into sexual activity are punished severely. You’ve found a good rhythm with lockup periods and his expectations of you can be easily disregarded. At a more spiritual level, you are seeing his reverence and respect for you and your authority increase significantly. You feel like going back to a non-chastity lifestyle would be an enormous step down in your relationship. You are growing accustomed to a certain level of relationship and attention. Seeing him caged gives you pleasure. You are constantly reminded that his lock is a tribute and sacrifice to you.
  4. Chastity is your normal and your control is fully in line with your confidence as a woman. You are aware of your power and you are taking full advantage of it. Discussion about release or disregard for chores never goes unpunished. Cuddling, massages and pampering are expected and will come naturally for him. All sexual activities are fitted into your own schedule and you are no longer concerned about his desire to cum. Subtle and overt teasing and the allure of infrequent releases keep his undivided attention. You enjoy seeing him caged more than uncaged and even requesting that he go without clothes around the house so you can see him nude. The male body has never aroused you as it does with this caged man. It isn’t the body itself but what his body and his sacrifice represent to you and your relationship. His never-ending desire to please keeps you feeling validated, rewarded and truly in a deep state of love. We laugh more often, we kiss and cuddle more together and we are more intimate and loving together. Everything that I enjoy about a loving relationship is amplified when he is retaining. Never forget that this entire process is a choice for him and he chooses to give up this most essential of male desires to the delight your lives together.

If you are reading this article, you are probably learning about chastity and cages from this blog but you might be asking me where I found out about them. I initially found out about cock cages from a friend who recently got married. Her husband always treated her wonderfully and seemed to genuinely care more about her needs than his own. One day I asked her about her secret and she got a bit red in the face and told me. I stared at her for a moment to see if she was serious. Once I saw that she was, I covered my mouth for a moment before laughing but we spoke a few more times and she eventually loaned me one. Ladies, this is nothing to be ashamed about. If this works for you and your relationship, tell your friends! We all deserve a more attentive mate and this has been absolute relationship magic. Use the “Tell a Friend” button in the sidebar to anonymously email your friends about this blog.

If you are looking for the right equipment to purchase, take a look at my recommendations page. I have a few of them that worked well for us.

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