Oscar Wilde once said “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about Power.” While that quote is vastly overused, it is completely accurate. We use sex when we are single for self-validation. We use sex when we are married or in a relationship as a means to validate our relationship and control. In this blog we’ve investigated the power dynamic and altering sex as a means of guiding the relationship.
The entire act of penetration is about power. The person possessing the penis is typically the dominant one while the partner is being dominated. The person dominating is asserting power over the dominated one. This power dynamic is present in homosexual relationships too. Gay relationships have tops, bottoms and versatile – those that swap between top and bottom. Many gay men are asked the offensive question “who is the woman in the relationship”.
Your gender should have nothing to do with your dominance or submissive nature. Some women like myself are more dominant but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman, does it? As much as we may like to deny it, sex does have extremely close ties to dominance and submission. If you find yourself in a relationship with a guy who is more submissive, you might find that the sexual acts within your relationship don’t accurately represent the power dynamic in your relationship. Such is the case with Kevin and I.
There are many ways to have sex rather than penetration but we both greatly enjoy penetration. Kevin enjoys penetrating me with his penis and strapon and I enjoy penetrating Kevin with toys or my strapon.
I have a very sexy strapon harness and feel very sexy and feminine when wearing it. The act itself changes significantly when he must mentally prepare himself to relax and allow my “body” inside of his. While there is no physical pleasure experienced while sliding my plastic toy inside of him, I do greatly enjoy the vibrations from the bullet vibe in my harness. I also greatly enjoy his moans of submission and his personality changes that occur for days after.
We have pegging style sex at least once a week and I feel that it is essential to keeping the power equality within our relationship. The feelings you experience as you penetrate him along with the feelings he experienced as he allows you inside of him are overwhelming and will be the topic of discussion for days or weeks afterwards. If you haven’t tried pegging, I highly recommend that you give it a try.
Make pegging an intentional part of your sex life, he may feel ashamed to request it. He may feel like requesting anal play makes him less of a man or gay. I dictate that we have strapon play at least one of ever three or four times that we do vaginal sex. There is no “one size fits all” for your sex life. I suggest that you find a number and be intentional about switching things up every few times.
Sex might be about power, but that is because we make it about gender.