This may seem like very conventional logic but what happens when they do? If she has a penis, is she really a he? Is he really a she? I am a complete amateur to the transgender and gender studies world so if you are easily triggered by ignorance with regard to this topic you may want to skip this one. For those that decide to trudge through it, my apologies in advance.
Born a Woman
When you are born, you either have a penis or you don’t. Nature assigns you a gender based upon the bits or lack of bits that are present when you enter the world. The doctor that helps you into the world assigns you into two classes of humans penis havers and penis not havers. If you are a haver, you are a man. If you are a not haver, you are a woman.
Depending on the hormone levels during the time that your body is developing, your body pushes you in one way or another based upon the makeup of your DNA and the most likely gender that you will identify with. We all know that everyone is different and I believe that the our bodies make a genuine effort to push us in the direction that our genetic makeup is most suited. Sometimes mother nature is wrong but most of the time mother nature seems to hit the nail on the head.
As I see it, there are five categories of people.
- People that identify as a woman and are sexually attracted to men.
- People that identify as a man and are sexually attracted to women.
- People that identify as a woman and are sexually attracted to women.
- People that identify as a man and are sexually attracted to men.
Do I think that it is possible to be one of these exclusively? Yes. Do I think it is possible to be a blend of several of these? Yes. Do I think it is even possible to be all four of these things? Yes. Where do I sit on the scale? Personally I am a one with some tendencies of a three. Does that matter? Do I matter more or less based upon the genetic lottery ticket that I was drawn for me? Not one bit.
The penis and the clitoris begin as the same thing. The hormones our bodies are exposed to push the organ to become either a clit or a penis. It is either a little hill of pleasure that protrudes from the top of the female genitalia or a slightly bigger hill of pleasure which forms the tip of boy part.
The female clit is an internal organ while the male penis is an external organ but otherwise they are quite similar.
The clit extends inside the body typically about 8 inches and the penis extends outside the body with a typical length of about 5.5 inches. It is important to note that the visible section of the clit is known by the same name as the tip of the penis, the glans. The clit, when sexually stimulated becomes erect just like it’s male counterpart. Based on this, I would say that the clit is the equivalent organ to the male penis and not the vagina.
How do male erections feel? I don’t have a penis of my own but I surveyed Kevin and he described it as uncomfortable with a sense of hyper awareness of that region. Some erections are accompanied by a massively urgent sex drive and others are accompanied by very little drive. The nuisance boners such as morning wood remind him that the penis is there but don’t always require that he do something about it. Arousal erections on the other hand are accompanied by a sense that the penis is the driving force which must be satiated or consciously ignored.
From my end, I thought arousal would be easier to explain but it doesn’t seem to be. Arousal for me is simply a warmness accompanied by swelling, wetness and a mild throbbing from my clit. Sometimes this is accompanied by erect nipples with a slight ache in the breasts but not all of the time.
When sexual arousal begins and is sustained but is not accompanied by an orgasm men complain of blue balls. The truth is that females also experience an equivalent of blue balls called vasoconstriction which is the constriction of blood vessels just like an unresolved penile erection. For both genders, the longer the body is aroused, the more uncomfortable the blue balls period will be. Neither gender wants to be aroused and then feel that arousal subside. The culmination of arousal with orgasm allows the body to relax with a dramatic hormonal hit to the system.
I’ve been carrying on about the biological similarities of the genital and sexual response for two reasons. The first such reason is to show you how similar we are and the second is to show how different we are. From the similarities, we learn how very human we all are. We are so similar in fact that both genders are considered to be human.
The female brain is wired to play with pink dolls and the male brain is wired to play with tanks and cars and blow things up. I fall back to the nature/nurture argument here. I don’t actually think we are wired to play with a certain type of toy or prefer pink things instead of blue things. I know I never felt that way. My mom actually pushed me to dress like a girl, act like a girl and play with girls instead of boys. Growing up I never really identified with girls, I wanted to ride go karts and play video games. When given the opportunity to play with a doll or a gi joe, I would usually pick both with compelling and imaginative stories that involved both of them. Male brains and female brains are the same and our cultures push us into playing with toys that are intended to prepare us for a future of child rearing, going to war, wearing dresses, going to work. Toys fuel our imagination about the futures of our lives.
Men with large penises are typically cocky and arrogant. Men with small penises are typically more shy and reserved. It isn’t always so but I’ve found it to be the case and science has too. Since large penis size translates to higher levels of testosterone and overall body confidence the term BDE has been coined to define that “Big Dick Energy”. It is important to note that males and females can both exert a BDE which is not representative of their genital size but their overall body confidence.
Does this mean that men with smaller penises are less of a man than their big dicked counterparts? Absolutely not. We are all given a genital at birth and we have no control over the size, shape and function of that genital. His sexuality, sexual performance and sexual identity in general do not dictate what type of a person he is. Is a woman with a small vagina or a man with a small penis lesser than their BDE counterparts in the relationship value scale? Absolutely not. Sex is incredibly important to a relationship but there are so many aspects of sexuality that the mechanics of it all matter very little.
A square peg with a round hole can be compatible. A small peg and a big hole can be compatible, Two pegs can be compatible. Two holes can be compatible. None of it really matters. We love who we love because of what makes them up as a person and not the genitals that they were blessed with.
Gender is a social construct, man.
So who cares? Why do we put so much importance on the Mr or Ms aspect of who we are as people? Why is it so important for our culture to put us into two different buckets? Why do we need to align ourselves with another group of people that shares the same reproductive organs? My final thought on this matter is that our bodies are gendered but there is no reason for it to bleed into careers, social relationships, credit card applications.
I understand the gender question is used to market to males and females differently based upon their assigned gender but I think that is flawed. Gender is important. I am proud to be a woman but if I was a man I would be proud to be that, too. I am proud of my boobs but if I was a man, I would be proud of my penis as well. At the end of the day, be proud of who you are and be happy with the person that you’ve cultivated yourself into. If you don’t feel like you can feel comfortable in your own skin, make a change that represents who you want to be. None of this matters when we die so be good to others and live the best life that you can.