This sounds like a bad joke but these three stereotypes are thrown around frequently these days, at least in my circles. I want to draw some parallels with submissive men and men in female led relationships. Are you a simp, a cuck, a nice guy? Let’s start with some overly simplified definitions that we will be using for the sake of today’s conversation
Simp
Noun – A simp is someone (male or female) that does way too much for someone that they like.
Cuck
Noun – A cuck is a man who accepts and often encourages his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. The female form of the a cuck is a “cuckquean”.
Nice Guy
Noun – Men (or women) who believe that basic social operations are currency for sex.
I wanted to define each of these terms before we start because they are often used interchangeably despite having very different meanings. You will hear many of these terms used as insults with the intention to insinuate effeminate, unmanly or inadequate men that allow themselves to be dominated by their female partner.
Why is it a bad thing to be a simp?
Doing things for someone shows that you care about them and can be used to project your interest in someone else. My interpretation of a simp is someone who is “friend zoned” but continues to be overly kind with the expectation of nice-ing their way out of the friend zone. One of the Urban Dictionary definitions that rang true to my experience is “a man who puts the hos before the bros”. Few self-identify as a simp, the term is most often used as an insult by men and women alike. Simpish behaviors are almost always a negative thing and should be avoided.
Are you a simp?
If chivalrous behavior and acts of service are your love languages and your de facto flirting method than someone has probably called you a simp; either to your face or behind your back. The standard expectation of flirtatious behavior is lighthearted teasing and engaged conversation. As someone who suffers from a mild form of autism and possibly undiagnosed Asbergers, I understand this. When I was younger, I’ve personally had to research flirting because I’ve never been good at it. Sometimes I don’t pick up on facial expressions and social cues very well. In middle school and high school, I would often think some guys were incredibly mean because they were always teasing. I’d come home crying and upon explaining it to a friend, they would explain that he was teasing because he liked me. This happened time and time again and I realized that I liked some of these guys until they began to tease me. If you like me, tell me that you like me. Don’t play these coy and immature emotional games. I don’t like it. Oh look at Emma, she is completely off topic again. Let’s move on to the next term.
What is a cuck?
Our cave dwelling ancestors would have communal relationships and a cuck would be a man tasked with spending time and resources protecting a female who is carrying a child that is not his own. Unwittingly raising a child that bears no blood relation is deeply shameful to some. This term came from the cuckoo bird who lays eggs in the nests of other birds for the other birds to hatch and raise. With the freedom that modern birth control allows, the shame of cuckoldry and non-monogamy is rooted in our jealous and possessive traits. It is very likely for a woman to be intimate with a man other than her primary partner on a regular basis without concerns of an unexpected pregnancy. Today, the term cuck simply refers to a man who is humiliated by his partner. I personally believe that the recent prevalence in the usage of the term is linked to the racist tones in todays cuckold pornography. Much (most?) of today’s cuckold pornography is average white men who are emasculated by a black man with a freakishly large penis who plays into many racist black stereotypes. When I hear the term cuck thrown around as an insult especially in political circles, I personally hear it a racial slur. While this term is often used as an insult, it is not a negative thing for many couples and with excellent communication cuckolding can be a very healthy part of a relationship.
Are you a cuck?
Men who embrace or accept cuckold lifestyle typically want to allow their partner sexual freedom and are comfortable with watching her express herself sexually with another partner. In fact, many women believe that cuckolding can be a validation of love because he allows himself to put her pleasure above that of his own. The term compersion refers to someone who takes joy in watching the pleasure of his partner. A compersive partner is truly wonderful even if it doesn’t lead to cuckolding. Does the idea of watching your partner kissing or having sex with another man sound exciting to you? Before you say yes, investigate your motivations and consider the emotions that non-monogamy might bring up. Still unsure? Try this quick test, lay in bed with your hands by your side and watch your partner masturbate. Once she finishes, roll toward her and cuddle with her. Simply enjoy the pleasure that she experienced from her orgasm and expect nothing further. What feelings did you experience? Jealousy, anger and resentment? Cuckolding probably isn’t for you. Did you feel arousal, joy and deep love and compassion? You might just have the potential to be a loving and supportive cuck.
What is a “nice guy”?
A nice guy is is usually unattractive but feels like he is entitled to a woman’s affection because he is nice to her or gives her gifts. A nice guy will talk himself up and say how he is one of the good guys unlike all of the jerks that she has dated in the past. They will talk about their nice deeds and try to “weasel” their way into intimacy. I am a huge fan of video games but my biggest annoyance is when helpless women are the prize to be won at the end of the game. I played Super Mario when I was younger and saving the helpless princess was the prize at the end of every level. To think that this doesn’t play into the minds of men of my generation is naïve. I always wanted to be the badass princess that attempts to save the helpless plumber.
Are you a “nice guy”?
Do you view dating as a game or women as a prize to be won? Do you find that many of your relationships start as friendships and you push or guilt the woman into becoming intimate with you? Do your gifts to women that you are pursuing come with strings attached? Remember that true niceness comes with no expectations. Are you resentful toward women when they turn down your advances or do you accept it as incompatibility and move on?
The second meaning, referred to as Nice GuysTM, is based more on a female perspective of a bitter nice guy. A nice guy who has become resentful from his repeated failures and rejections will often complain about it. Since he believes he’s done everything right, he thinks there must be a problem with girls for not wanting to be with him. He becomes outspoken in sharing his frustration with friends and people around him. This “nice guy” effectively ends up trying to shame girls for not liking him or for reciprocating his affection, and tends to blame all girls in general for his problems. From the girl’s perspective, this comes off as needy and controlling, and pretty obnoxious. Girls then become resentful in turn for being made to feel like they “owe” him something. Especially if they perceive that something to be sex (and often that’s what is is, ultimately). Unfortunately the nice guy sees this reaction from women and thinks it only serves to prove his point, so it’s kind of a bad and ongoing cycle on our society, especially with teenagers and young men.
Reddit – /u/n0ggy
We’ve defined all of these three guys walking into a bar and you’ve probably got a good idea of whether your past behavior might fit into any of these categories. Perhaps you are not one of these guys but your past behaviors might resemble one of them. Be self aware about your behavior and work to defy any unhealthy tendencies when you feel like you are leaning into them.
Is a submissive man a cuck, nice guy or simp?
Maybe all of them and hopefully none of them. That is like saying is a man with brown hair a cuck. Perhaps but they have absolutely nothing to do with each other. A man with submissive tendencies can have all sorts of traits and the above traits are no exception. A submissive man is more likely to be more in touch with his emotions and that is a great thing, especially if those emotions are healthy. Many submissive men are successful professionals that require them to be in control during work hours. Submissive men are often turned on by successful and intelligent women.
For many reasons, I would say that most truly submissive men don’t fall into the categories of simp or nice guy because they value and appreciate women for intellectual values. With that said, any guys can be predisposed to these characteristics and so can the ladies. These traits are often associated with men because women are the keyholders in terms of sex in our society but women can be just as guilty. Most of the above isn’t gender specific but I’ve written it from my perspective. Re-read it and flip some pronouns around, you might just be a femsimp, nice gal or a cuckoldress.
What do you think? Let me know in the forum or in the comments below!
Being a cuck, is not the same as being a submissive male. Are cucks often submissive? Yes, but not always and certainly not always outside of the bedroom. The enjoyment of watching or knowing your wife having sex with other men, is completely a different thing from being a sub male in a femdom relationship. Porn, and many femdom pages/blogs have mixed these two up together.
The simp thing, has zero to do with any of these discussions imo. That is a person that has no self worth and is trying to make up for it by fawning, in an unhealthy way, over someone else, looking for approval. I literally look at as a mental health issue. Does a sub male do chores or take care of his dominant partner? Often, but it should not be in an unhealthy way and over the top, constantly fawniing for her approval.
The nice guy, hmmm, isn’t that basic male behavior? ??♂️
I agree that one of these is not like the others but my odd man out is the cuck since it might be positive or negative depending on how it is approached. My personal opinion is that both simp and nice guy are similar but they are unhealthy manifestations of what you call basic male behavior. The nice guy is missing the entire point of a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, the partners do things for each other to make the partner feel desired, appreciated and loved. Once feeling loved, the couple may be intimate with each other. The nice guy cuts the middle of that equation out and expects that gifts and chivalry equal sex. For many women, myself included this equates to transactional sex. You might as well give me a fist full of cash and call it love. Not hot. Not hot at all. The sheer beauty of male chastity is that it removes pressure and takes any chance of transnationality out of the sexual aspect of the relationship.
Many men get frustrated during their first foray into chastity after vacuuming, doing dishes and giving their partner backrubs and find a massive disappointment when that “only” equates to praise. Chastity shows him with time that a healthy human relationship cannot be transactional. I do think that all men have an expectation of sex and many are perfectly fine with a transactional nature in a relationship but this is only viable for a short time. It will not be rewarding for the man and it absolutely will not be rewarding for the woman. A relationship is a healthy balance of love and lust. Without both, the relationship is unhealthy and unlikely to be sustainable. Remove lust and you have friendship (friend zone), remove love and you have a fuck buddy which will quickly die when the lust fades.
Is male chastity a a training tool? It can be; especially for many men with unhealthy expectations and poor parental relationships from which to mold their adult relationships. Thank you so much for your comment, it allowed me to explore and clarify my take on this better. At face value the difference can appear to be a very fine line however that is just the tip of the iceberg, the rest sits just beneath the surface of the water.
Another excellent article Emma! I know you know this already know this, but no matter how hard we try to avoid, using terms/names to label can become incredibly difficult and confusing from the sheer diversity of people/couples. A “submissive man” for example. I believe you aptly described many submissive men as being
“Most submissive men are successful professionals that require them to be in control during work hours.”
I fall right into that description … kind of. Successful, in-charge, alpha big-shot at work in our community, and submission to my wife, yes, but not submissive to women. Please don’t confuse that with not being a respectful and a gentleman toward other women. I try to be those things to everyone. My submission tendencies, activities and desires are laser-beam focused on one woman.
All that said Emma, I know you weren’t speaking to me directly, and as such, I completely agree with what you have said here.
I love this next part.
“…… lay in bed with your hands by your side and watch your partner masturbate. Once she finishes, roll toward her and cuddle with her. Simply enjoy the pleasure that she experienced from her orgasm and expect nothing further.”
This is one of my favorite things Mistress allows me to participate in. In fact, when she’s done, I thank her for “our” orgasm because it is the only orgasm I usually get to enjoy. That might sound bad … but it isn’t. I LOVE our orgasms. Does that mean I have the potential for being a loving and supportive cuck? Perhaps, if that were ever something Miss K. desired.
I agree Emma. Submissive men, be they submissive to all women or just one woman, are all of those things and none of things!
Is the term “simp” an online reference or can it be applied to both online and in person? I always thought that the term was used to describe a man who sends money to women online on a regular basis through various video services or whatnot, onlyfans, youtube, ect.
I’ve heard it applicable to both online and in-person.
What a fantastic article! Just when I think I’ve heard it all, I’m presented with terms unbeknownst to me: such as “Simp” and “Nice Guy.”
Years ago, a very special woman in my life had recognized something in me that I was completely unaware of, and she truly opened my eyes as to the type of man I’m naturally designed to be and that is a cuck.
I’m not ashamed of being a cuck. I honestly believe people are born naturally designed as heterosexual or homosexual, it’s not a choice…Similarly, I also believe certain men (like myself) are born naturally designed cuck’s, also not a choice.
In fairness, it’s safe to say that many men at some point in their life may have had curiosity concerning homosexual desires and perhaps even dared to dabble, realizing afterward that it wasn’t comfortable and not something they would ever want to pursue.
My point being, just because you may have fantasized about sex with another man and even gave it the so called “College try,” certainly doesn’t make you homosexual or even bi-sexual, much like fantasizing about being cuckolded may turn you on and make for wonderful “masturbatory fodder,” doesn’t make you a cuck.
It’s a difficult life for men like me because we do all that we can in order to have what so many others have and we wind up incredible unhappy. Trying to “fit in,” we routinely have the “average” relationship while dying inside because we actually need and belong in a cuckold relationship.
The stigma of the term, combined with all the nonsensical, ridiculous, obscene pornography that’s been unfortunately and unfairly attached to it, has in many ways made it impossible for cuck’s to find a woman who would love and appreciate having this with a gentleman.
Women are very concerned about being viewed and labeled as whore’s, sluts, etc. and who could blame them?
Furthermore, in spite of what the damn internet likes to push, the BBC theory and interracial aspect of cuckoldry is an example of an extremely small percentage of those who truly share this beautiful relationship.
It’s also important to note that the idea that every cuck is a “sissy” in chastity, one who wears women’s undergarments, stockings, or maid outfits is completely BULLSHIT!
I’m 6’2″ between 215-220 pounds with a masculine build. I would NEVER consider wearing panties or stockings and if any man ever referred to me as “sissy” God help that poor stupid bastard, his hospital bills and dental work will cost a fortune.
Most cuck’s are quite the alpha in public and also the last type of guy you would ever want to call a sissy. We are VERY protective of the woman we love and adore.
Certainly her pleasure is put first, but nothing is a bigger priority than her safety.
My ex and I had a perfectly acceptable understanding, I was always to be present with whomever SHE CHOSE to be with. If the other man had an issue with that, then we simply said thank you and good luck to you.
Let’s face it, there were plenty of other men who would be more than willing to be with her while I was in the room.
The only reason chastity was introduced was because she had an issue with me masturbating without her being present. She explained it as being a form of mental infidelity. When masturbating, men typically think of other women or they’ll often watch other women in a porn. When they orgasm, most likely (if not definitely), they’re not doing so with their love on their mind.
That made sense to me and I agreed to chastity because I wanted HER to be happy. It’s a sacrifice for any man to do this and it wasn’t my idea or desire, but knowing it was HER desire; made the decision extremely easy.
Sorry for rambling…great article Miss Emma and I genuinely look forward to reading more.
I’ve used many labels in the past, from textbook middle child, to hedonist, to homewrecker, to simp, sissy, – hedonist seems to be the overall best though I aspire to be genderqueer. I’m 7 yrs asexual despite my hedonistic ways, and though highly sexual, and my ex’s would dissagree, I am not a sex addict in any medical way. Though I think I’m more of a functionally depressed than addict..
That all said..
I’m a sissy because I like the less manly expectations, I’m a good boy/nice guy because the women in my life more than expect that, they’ve beaten it into me. I’m a simp because I catch myself putting way more effort into a very unballanced relationship than I feel I should. and I totally wish I could simp for ProjektMelody without it being $$$..