I am not a dominatrix. I am not a mistress. I don’t believe in female supremacy. I don’t think women should rule the world. I don’t even think that I am better in any way than my lovely husband Kev. As my Twitter following grows, so do the unsolicited daily requests for me to be someone’s dom. They usually start with “Hi Mistress Emma, may I be your submissive?” or “Mistress Emma, how much do you charge for femdom or findom services?”. The answer, zero, zilch, nada. Nope.
That’s not what this site is about. Nothing against the pro dommes out there, you provide a service that many men (and some women) love. I’m simply not that. I work for a marketing company and I do food delivery on the side. Neither of those things translate to me whipping you or doing anything like that. You wouldn’t ask me to build you a fence in your yard. Why? Because I’m not a fence-builder-person. Carpenter? I dunno. Anyway.
Ok, now for some gratuitous dominatrix cartoons.
A woman shouldn’t need to don red or black patent leather to be allowed to have some caricature version of confidence. This fetish fashion might make you feel like you have confidence or might help you slip into character but it doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t make you any more confident than wearing a stethoscope around your neck makes you a doctor. Despite being a mechanism for tapping into the power of your sexuality, I don’t think female sexuality is something that should be on the fringe of society. Just as Fifty Shades of Grey may have gotten many things in the BDSM community wrong, I think the dominatrix stereotype gets female sexuality wrong. Female empowerment is about more than just sexually dominant positions for doin’ it such as the Amazon position (not to be confused with the online retailer).
Another interesting thing is that the dominatrix isn’t always what you think. Sometimes the dom is just a vehicle to other fetishes. Due to the way we villainize fetishes in our culture, men see the dom as the only path to acceptance for their foot fetish or tendency to a strong female archetype.
Let’s take another quick break for some more gratuitous dominatrix cartoons.
I guess my point is that I’d like to normalize female sexual confidence. Dominance in the bedroom bleeds backwards to the relationship and I’d like to see more dominance in females. Gone are the days of the female being reliant on the man for monetary needs and protection. We have birth control and we have legal abortion (don’t get me started) which provide women with more sexual freedoms than ever before. The “sexual cost” for women to have sex is now lower now than ever. Sexual cost refers to not only to the burden of child birth, ongoing child care and inability to ward off predators during pregnancy. It also refers to the orgasm gap, discomfort, female diseases such as endometriosis and even menopause.
As you get older and more experienced, you might find herself questioning sexual value, which can be a uniquely fascinating time to dive into the world of kink! Instead of feeling uncertain about desires, you may find herself irresistibly drawn to this thrilling playground where you can explore what really makes your inner dom tick. The hormonal shifts can spark a fierce need for empowerment and pleasure, and what better way to reclaim that confidence than by embracing her naughty side? BDSM opens up a whole new realm of possibilities—whether you are curious about submission, wanting to experiment with dominance, or just looking to discover some new ways to have fun in the bedroom. It’s all about celebrating her desires and reminding herself that she’s still a vibrant, sensual being at any age! After all, as women we tend to get sexier and more confident with our bodies as we age.
Diving into BDSM and kink not only boosts sexual value but also can make you feel fabulously unique compared to the other girls. This isn’t just about getting frisky; it’s a fantastic way to harness power and take control when you might feel a bit lost in all the changes. In the world of BDSM, you can safely explore your wildest fantasies and push boundaries, giving the confidence to say, “This is me, and I’m ready for more!” There’s something incredibly sexy about owning kinks and quirks—it’s like strutting into a party wearing the hottest outfit, knowing that you are turning heads! So, why not playfully dive in and discover just how fabulous this sexual journey can be?
While we may win from the economics of sex with men’s sexual strategy being that of quantity over quality and ours being quality over quantity because of the scarcity of our sexuality. We can only gestate one egg in 9 months while a man can impregnate countless women during that time. For women having sex with multiple men does not increase our chances of pregnancy to a great degree while men having sex with multiple women increases the odds tremendously. Male sex has no cost aside from the immediate orgasm and costs for women shift to long term and include the concerns for the man’s social resources and ability to support offspring on the off chance that it happens. To many women, sex in a relationship is to be rationed and not given openly or freely. I remember my grandmother telling me that I needed to marry a boy that I had been dating before “giving it up” because if he is drinking the milk for free then why would he buy the cow. Wait. Did my grandmother call me a cow?
Women, you don’t need to dress up in an expensive costume and whip your husband to be strong or sexually empowered. Be yourself and use sex playfully, freely and openly with your partner. A sexually confident and dominant woman is fucking sexy. It feels fucking sexy to be a sexually confident woman too. Men, you don’t need to visit a dominatrix to find a woman that exudes sexuality. Talk to your wife and let her know how you feel. Build up her self image with compliments and sexual freedom. Allow her to explore with others if the dynamic of your relationship allows. That doesn’t mean she needs to sleep with others, open flirtation and conversation will fill the confidence bucket. Sexual exploration is a fun way to build confidence as well but don’t go there unless the rules of your relationship allow for it. Remember that your compliments only go so far since she has already partnered with you. Men often don’t understand compliments because women don’t often openly compliment men because they don’t want to come off “the wrong way” and men rarely compliment other men. Think about a beautiful woman walking up to you and telling you that you look incredible in those jeans. Now think of your wife saying the same thing. There is a greater value in the compliment from the woman with whom you have not partnered. That is another topic, men deserve to feel sexy so smack your fella on the rump and peck him on the cheek. Ok?
And in summation, I offer you one last gratuitous dominatrix comic. She is rather sexy, isn’t she? I’m pretty sure it is the confidence in her eye pixels.
I wrote this blog hastily so let me know if anything doesn’t make sense. I’ll happily expand on anything that I glazed over.
Sadly the request from most men in this area miss the point as they are trying to top from the bottom. Real confidence that women can feel is when they are supported in what ever path they choose. Maybe all the dress up is what they want and if so, support it however most I believe, go along with their partner not for themselves. When we as men support our partners in things they want by asking and honestly accept their desires, it gives them the confidence in and out of the bedroom.
You hit the nail on the head. It is like they have this whole script of how they want to be dominated. Guess what, if you are writing the script then you aren’t being dominated at all. In fact, you are forcing a narrative on someone which actually makes you the dominant one who is acting out a play that you wrote. Dominance inception.
Wait … what? You are not a Pro Domme?
Shhh. Don’t tell anyone! Just keep “donating” to my OnlyFans!
As someone who is active in the bdsm community, and sees what passes for Femdoms and Mistresses nowdays, i think most men seeking this would be disappointed..and that’s coming from someone who finds the kink wear extremely hot. However, putting on leather or platform boots is not what makes the Domme…its the mental aspect portrayed. Out of a half dozen or so I currently know, one does that in a way that I can honestly say, is a true pro….and not a head case.
This is well said, “…., putting on leather or platform boots is not what makes the Domme…its the mental aspect portrayed.”
I would add, the look can invite, but it’s the person inside that matters.
Female led relationships can take many forms from mild to intense. There is no “one size fits all.” It’s generally wise to begin with some short term chastity lock up sessions, then in the following weeks begin to experiment with other ideas such as corporal discipline, longer lock up periods, pegging, edging, queening, spooning, feminine clothes, and cuckolding; to find what combination of these work and which do not. Whatever the couple decides on, doing different things at different times (at her choosing of course) will keep their love and sex life interesting. 🙂