In our culture, the female form embodies sexy and men are not permitted the luxury of feeling sexy. Did you know that only 12.1 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 65 in committed relationships feel desired by their partner? That same study found that 95 percent of men found it very important to feel desired. The gap of unmet needs is incredible and what’s worse, nobody talks about it! So why on earth are females the only ones that are allowed to feel sexy and desired?
Grooming & Wellness
A haircut, a fresh shave or a shower. All of these things will help a guy feel a boost of self confidence about his presentation. Need to feel good about yourself, a nice shave and a haircut will do it. How about a signature scent? I’ll throw exercise and fitness into grooming as well. Sleep can make you feel sexy too! Waking up fully rested and ready to face the day? Yes please!
Clothing
There is no question that clothing makes us feel sexy. Sometimes I like to try on clothes just because I like the way I feel when I wear them. Men in suits or better yet, uniforms. Yum! Here is the problem, those two things I just mentioned don’t accentuate their bodies, they accentuate their careers and cater to our sense of security rather than accentuating physical traits. A nice, well fitted suit implies success and wealth. A uniform implies a commanding presence and a good job. A look into gay culture shows some fashion built around accentuating the male body but very little in the hetero world. I think the male body is beautiful and I think we should start allowing men to dress sexy. Women have lingerie and let’s be honest, Halloween for women is more of a sexy-dress-up competition than a scary mask competition like it is for the boys. Kev and I have done some dress-up play at home and Kev and I find it funny more than anything but the fact that female sexy clothing exists but is absent for men is telling.
Nudity
If clothing makes us feel sexy, what about the absence of clothing? If you are comfortable with your body then you should love being nude. If you don’t feel comfortable with your body, feel free to email me a body pic and I will give you at least one heartfelt compliment. Every body is beautiful, it really is.
Compliments
As women, we generally compliment each other. We expect compliments from our guys but we (myself included) aren’t great at returning compliments to our fellas. Guys don’t get compliments like we do and it needs to change. Men (all humans) like to feel validated especially when it is clear that he made an effort or is proud of something. Be intentional about giving genuine compliments about everything from his intelligence to his butt.
Initiate Sex
What could make him feel more desirable than eagerly initiating sexual contact and coupling it with a compliment. This doesn’t need to result in sex every time. This morning for example, Kev woke up with my hand on his cage (it is Locktober after all) and a compliment about how sexy and manly his black cage looks on his body. I kissed down his chest and blew my warm breath on his cage. It didn’t go any further than that but guess what, that two seconds of effort made him start his day with a smile. Why should I keep my feelings about his sexual desirability a secret? He is hot and I liked what I saw this morning so I let him know. When you initiate sex and accompany it with a compliment, it is something you need. Feeling wanted is lame, make it clear that he is needed. Men don’t know what to do with compliments since they are generally rare so that is the part that will take you from a C effort to an A+.
End Sex Early
How on earth will ending sex early help him feel sexy? Men often use sex (orgasm) to satiate feelings of anxiety and intimacy. Ending sex early forces him to experience feelings of intimacy in the absence of the orgasm. Sex in the context of a relationship can be addictive and his orgasm can be used as a substitute or mask for experiencing real connection. In long term relationships, sex can become routine. Ending sex prior to his orgasm prevents it from becoming machinelike and forces him to confront feelings and experience intimacy.
Objectify His Body
While objectification of female bodies is something which we are all familiar, men are often objectified for their social status, jobs or wealth. The male needs for physical attraction is frowned upon and the female need for security is acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, none of us don’t like feeling like a decorative object defined by our physical attractiveness/usefulness. For men, feeling sexually objectified will most likely be exciting and quite likely a huge turn-on. I would argue that we all need some level of objectification, even as partners we must maintain a baseline level of compatibility. I suggest that objectification forms that baseline or foundation for which the rest of the relationship is built upon.
Male Chastity & Orgasm Control
How on earth would orgasm control make a man feel sexy? Well, I’ll tell ya! Men are typically in charge of their own sexuality and when left to his own devices masturbation happens. OFTEN. Masturbation isn’t inherently bad but men release sexual energy and temporarily lose the ability to build emotional connections. Male chastity prevents the orgasm and allows him the opportunity to experience a full rainbow of emotion that has been masked since he was a teen.
Pegging
Men typically experience a very different form of sexual pleasure than we do, they experience an acceptance of their body into another. Women’s bodies on the other hand accept another into them. Pegging allows men to feel vulnerability and accept sexual submission from another.
Feeling Emotions
Men aren’t allowed to feel emotion, they are taught from a young age that feeling is bad. Boys don’t cry. Like hell they don’t! Why do you think we have so many confused young men, so much violence in schools? Boys are very alone with their emotions and they don’t feel comfortable to express themselves. Rather than teach them to have deep emotional connections and express their feelings, we medicate them. While the medicines may or may not work, they imply that something is wrong or broken with them. In very few cases is something wrong, they simply don’t know how to express themselves! I guess I went on a bit of a rant there.
Conclusion
We need to shift the objectification to the boys to help them feel sexy. There is absolutely no reason that only 12.1 percent of men should feel sexually desired. I wonder if the recent trend of trans women is related to the objectification of the female body. While gender dysphoria is certainly a thing, I wonder if some go through a transition in search of feelings that they weren’t allowed to experience as a male. I certainly don’t mean to be insensitive to any trans people so I apologize if that came off wrong. Anyway, give me some love or hate in the comments below. Thanks for reading!
Do not think of the man’s orgasm as the end of a love making event. Think of it as just a quick rest before beginning an extended sensual love making event that follows the orgasm. This not only brings him into a more intimate mode it also reduces or even eliminates the post orgasm depression.
It really depends on the guy but from a connection standpoint, I think many guys would do better with skipping orgasm entirely. Disassociating orgasmic release from sex has done wonders for us.
It took almost a year, 25 or so years ago, to teach him to let me make the orgasm happen. Now even though he knows it is his night he just makes love to me without thrusting or looking for it. When I make it happen he only realizes the moment has arrived a second or two before his orgasm.
The true beauty of having a long period of sensual love making after his orgasm combined with the snuggle session Sunday morning is it eliminates that post orgasm depression. The continuing intimacy and loving override all that chemistry that his orgasm sets in motion. There is actually no reason you could not use this technique of having a long sensual love making session after his masturbation orgasm and then a love session without him orgasming again at bed time. It really keeps him from being disengaged from the relationship for the next hours or even day.
It is a great bonding experience for him. After we snuggle and Dave gives me another oral (which also helps clean up the mess) and we share that last kiss, he just wants to hold me so close while we go to sleep.
I hope Kev doesn’t get jealous when I send you a picture of me wearing a Chick-fil-a shirt, hairnet, and nothing on the bottom.
Haha! I think he will be just fine. Glad to hear you are employed again @winstonmacgregor
It is true for me.
I almost never feel sexy, It is a womans thing I guess. Or at least that is what society tells us. I’m happy with my body and who I am. I feel appreciated and loved by my wife, but sexy? no. And I guess you are right, that we men need that too.
Feeling sexy feels wonderful and it shouldn’t be a woman’s thing. In prepping for this blog, I asked Kev what makes him feel sexy and he looked at me with a blank stare. I on the other hand had a long list of things that I do to make me feel sexy. It seems that much of his sexual self worth comes from my attention. In my opinion that codependency is borderline unhealthy but seems to be overwhelmingly common for men in our society. With sex being the only way to feel sexy or sexually accepted, it is no wonder that men objectify women and feel lonely.
I know it seems like I’m attacking you at the moment in a different thread but I’m more just wanting the male psyche to be considered… I think feminism at this point has gotten too out of hand and more toxic than people actually kind of consider bc ppl want to be on the woman’s side which is fine but it’s really seeming like the rest of the world is forgetting about the fact that there is multiple genders in terms of this thread though I do appreciate it because I have been trying to come up with a way to appear more sexy to my wife but for some reason disassociated it with a common problem
It was kind of interest the other week. I was casually leaving the tv on in the kitchen and the Ellen show was on. She had good looking men dressed sexy as props in one of her games and the audience was going wild. I think women do very much enjoy objectifying men but maybe feel guilty about it? The most popular Las Vegas shows are all male dancer related…aside from Celine Dion of course. It was always a complaint when it came to football season and cheerleaders being objectified. Maybe we should do it both ways and have male dancer squads at WNBA games dressed sexy or any other female dominated form of entertainment.
Maybe I am in the minority but I don’t think I’d find that sexy. Did you know that women’s roller derby has male cheerleaders? I find the choreographed dance routines fascinating but I don’t really find female cheerleaders sexy either. When you do see male cheerleaders it is typically when strength is required for stunts such as basket tosses and bases for pyramids.
I never understood the concept of having them at sports games but I also don’t understand the idea of watching sports at all. That video was genuinely bad and should be played if the subject ever comes up again. I also don’t see how male dancers (strippers of whatever term we use) are sexy either. They just seem really aggressive and it doesn’t work but whatever makes people happy.
Miss Emma,
Thank you for your thoughts and I could not agree more. Many of us struggle with our self image and compliments are, generally, few and far between with most of them coming from our work.
In addition, our own self-talk is usually pretty negative and a nice comment from a woman we esteem goes a long way.
Thank you again, sw
I know that I find myself self-censoring my compliments because I don’t want men to get the wrong idea. I wish I could let the compliments fly but it seems less appropriate for women to give men compliments than the reverse. A pity because I actually enjoy giving compliments as much as I like receiving them.
Not even just compliments but it seems like women won’t even make eye contact or say hello to men in passing because it would most likely be seen as an opportunity for some kind of advancement.
I don’t know if it results from having 3 sisters and no brothers or just too
many years of looking at beautiful women in porn, but I crave to be sexy looking.
Women get to wear sexy clothes and show off their bodies, makes me want to dress
up pretty. Yes, I have a strong interest in cross dressing now.
I have also found orgasm control to be very effective in our marriage, wish I had
learned about it years ago.
Do you think your interest in cross dressing spurs from a need to feel sexy or a desire to feel feminine? Before responding, consider that sexy and feminine are not the same.
In the study you mention, I think you might have misread the results. In Table 1, 12.1% of respondents say “Unable to answer” because they did not feel sexually desired. The other 87.9% gave examples of ways in their partner expressed sexual desire for them. That’s still lower than the 95% who say it is important to them to feel desired.
I would also be very cautious about extrapolating these numbers to larger populations. It is, by necessity, a self selecting sample. The key information is about the prevalence of being desired as an important determinant rather than a quantitative measure of that prevalence.
Is my comment actually going to be posted this time?…. I’m not sure if you received my previous one but if I can recall it I know it seems like I’m attacking you in another thread but I’m more just wanting to iterate that man kind of don’t seem like they have a defense for themselves like I can understand feminism to a certain extent but if you really think about it the point that it’s out right now is kind of toxic it’s perfectly reasonable for wanting equality but feminism currently is wanting more than equality but to stay on topic I do appreciate this post because I’ve been wondering if my wife finds me sexy and when I ask she doesn’t give me a clear answer
You responded to a previous comment above so it didn’t bring it to the bottom of the page. I’ve approved everything that you’ve submitted. You can view the comment I think you are referring to here.
Feminism is a broad spectrum which is why I won’t call myself a feminist. First off, I don’t really like labels and secondly I know that some women that identify as feminists have an overt hatred, hostility and aggression toward men. They certainly don’t represent all feminists but they also don’t represent the person I am or the person I want to be. Keep reading and I hope that you continue to share you thoughts and opinions. My model relationship is a relationship of equality between partners while tweaking or hacking sexual energy to benefit both partners.
Also, comments on blogs do require approval so if you want to bypass approval/delay, I encourage you to post in the forum.
I’ll give my quick point of view as a man in a relationship: I never really feel sexy but that does not matter so much as I just want to do so in the eyes of my beloved one, so it’s a matter of her expressing in some ways her attraction to me, how sexy she thinks I am. When she does, then I will feel I am.
There is just one exception to this i’ve discovered not so long ago: oddly i feel sexy when i’m caged. The cage makes me feel sexy and makes me want to be naked all the time and seen with the cage on, especially by my girlfriend. I don’t know why but that’s how I feel.
mhmm yes i agree re: when wearing the cage. i quite like the feeling tbh
I think it is also somewhat our responsibility as guys to find the ways we feel sexy and then express those to our mates. I know for me it is manscaping under the watchful eye of my Queen and also she found out how new Saxx underwear will have the sexy feeling for me and buy them then model them for her.