Relationships are all about connection. Sometimes we have busy lives, mismatched libidos or even conflict that steps between us. Our emotions play an enormous part of our ability to connect with our partners. Few of our partners are out to cause us emotional or physical harm. If you are convinced that your partner isn’t looking out for your best interest, get out!
Be your partner’s best friend! The stronger the connection that you have, the stronger the relationship and sex will be. This absolutely must come first and foremost. If your relationship cannot be the primary relationship in your life, you will never be able to feel the complete fulfillment of intimacy and closeness. Ensure that you both feel like your relationship is balanced. Although that balance will ebb and flow, the delicate equilibrium will ensure that neither of you gets resentful toward the other. If you begin to feel like something is getting off balance, communicate and get things back on track.
Play is very important in a relationship. You are either working or you are playing. If your relationship doesn’t feel like play then it feels like work. If it doesn’t feel like work then it feels like play. Playfully tease each other both in and out of the bedroom. A couple that plays together stays together.
Meet Physical Needs
Physical needs are so very important. I will be the first to say that sometimes I don’t want sex but I realize that sex would make his life easier and less stressful. This could mean anything from an early orgasm, a nice pegging session, PIV sex, blowjob, allow him to go down on me or even just some cuddling and physical closeness. Physical needs are very unspecific. Few of us absolutely must have PIV sex or oral sex, typically we just want the feelings that come along with experiencing closeness with your partner.
In our relationship we have so many options for physical intimacy and we are always open to adding new ones that give us the feelings of physical intimacy. He may have his preferences and I am sure that you do too but some sort of physical attention is better than no attention. If you aren’t experiencing some sort of sexual attention with each other at least three times a week, I implore you to consider making your relationship a greater priority. If you are in a rut, you may feel like you don’t need more contact but I don’t feel like you can sustain a healthy relationship without a strong physical connection. Long distance relationships are especially challenging so make sure you do your best with skype sessions and other methods to keep that physical connection alive.
Yes, I control my boyfriend’s orgasms. No. I don’t do it to be mean or controlling. I do it because it works! I love him and I want us to experience the best parts of each other. There are so many changes that men go through when they experience an orgasm. Many of them are great but some of them influence the way that we are able to connect in a meaningful way. We have all kinds of wonderful sex but he is typically limited to one orgasm per week. No masturbation by himself although we do masturbate together sometimes. He is getting better with his self control although we’ve decided that he will never be 100% because the male drive is simply too strong. We use a device to help us control his urges many weeks but not always. We’ve built a great level of trust and he knows that he must ask permission before ejaculating – even if this means sending a text to me!
My last few blogs have been about pegging. We’ve really enjoyed the journey of pegging together. Spreading his legs and allowing him to feel penetrated makes sex as emotional experience for a man as it does for a woman. I can’t say enough good things about the way that his entire perception of sex has changed since pegging became a regular part of our sex lives. Myself too! The feeling of dominance is wonderful and makes me feel so different than being penetrated. Our entire view on intimacy and communication has changed through his tender submission.
Pegging can be one of the most sensual and gentle sexual experiences and pegging can be a very aggressive and dominant act. With the dominant and aggressive side, pegging allows me to be in charge. Clearly I love the feeling of being in charge. On the flip side, gentle pegging is extremely intimate and I hold his body tightly as I slide in and out of him. Holding his body tightly and reminding him to relax and breathe is incredibly important. He feels dominated yet trusts me as I feel his body quiver in acceptance as I hold him in my arms. It is an incredible experience and can get a greater understanding of the allure of the male sex act. Penetrating him is fun!
A couple words of caution as well. When he simply lays there and isn’t “into it” I usually cut the pegging session short. Sometimes I will just lie there inside him as the big spoon. He feels me cuddling him and feels the security of my toy inside him. The point is to enjoy the connection together and when one of us isn’t enjoying it, it simply isn’t a good fit. As I think back, there are many times that I remember just laying there during PIV sex with him asking me what’s wrong. I would reply and tell him nothing and just wait for him to get a few more strokes in so I could call it quits for the night, knowing that I had fulfilled my “sexual obligation”. Sex should never be about an obligation, it should be about empowering you both to enjoy your lives together.
With pegging, I can now strap my rubber penis on and walk around the house. I love cuddling with him while I wear it knowing that it is awkwardly poking him in the bottom. Reminding him that I am there and that I have the penis tonight. There are so many wonderful pegging positions that are sensual, dominant and loving. I enjoy the feeling of power that I get when I ask him to drop to his knees and suck on it with his big brown eyes looking up at me. I like playing with his penis, beside mine. Batting it back and forth, comparing the size of my toy with his. Rubbing them together. Lifting his up to gain access to poke mine around his taint and bum.
Just because I absolutely love pegging, does not mean that I wish I was born a man. Quite the contrary, I love the feeling of femininity and sexuality that I get with being a woman. I love how I look with the strapon, without the strapon. I am very comfortable and happy with who I am physically and emotionally.
You’ve heard it before and you will hear it again. Communication is key. If you don’t feel like you have open communication, you really need to work on it. Pegging and orgasm control opened up many new conversations for us and allowed us to connect at a much deeper level. Learn about sex from his perspective as he learns about being on the submissive end of sex. I guarantee that it will spark meaningful and compelling conversation. Stretching your sexual boundaries and trying new exciting things cannot be possible without opening yourself up emotionally.