We’ve been trying a mixed bag of things in our relationship and I’ve been diligently documenting things for you all to enjoy. Some things have worked and others haven’t worked as well. Some things are more around the fetish side of things and others are essential to maintaining your feminine power in the relationship. Aside from keeping the balance in your favor, it is important to keep your relationship feeling new and exciting so those feelings of newness never go away.
What Does Not Work
Let me start with what hasn’t worked for us. Negative reinforcement seems to be something that hasn’t given us many positive results. That’s not to say that he shouldn’t receive punishment when things don’t go by the plan. Negative reinforcement tends to create a rift between us that can take a while to repair. I also find it difficult to take it seriously when spanking him but that’s just me. I do flip back into some negative reinforcement things from time to time but I usually just do it to be kinky.
What Does Work
Now let’s get on to what does work. Positive reinforcement has worked wonders. When I give him a reward, I explain what elements contributed to him receiving that reward. That reward could be an orgasm, cuddling, a blowjob any number of things that I know bring him pleasure. If he doesn’t make the right decisions, I let him know that those things won’t be happening and I try to be as specific as possible so there is never a guessing game.
How About Chastity Devices?
You might be asking about chastity devices since that wasn’t in either the positive or negative section. Well, I think the better question is around orgasm control. I feel like the chastity cage is a fantastic way to solve two major problems. The first is his masturbation and release habit. Most men have been masturbating and ejaculating on a daily basis for years before they come into your life. Breaking that habit will take some time and it usually isn’t fair to ask them to do it on their own. I think it is also fair to say that your man has ejaculated at the end of nearly every sexual encounter that he has ever had. His body will be confused when release doesn’t happen after having sex. The cage is a fantastic tool to enable his body to get accustomed to this change in his sexual arousal cycle.
The second benefit to a chastity cage is also related to modifying his behavior. Your man is used to using sex as a bartering tool and even subconsciously trying to barter with you for sex. You aren’t a prostitute and he shouldn’t be treating you like one. The sex barter system is real and it cannot be part of a healthy relationship.
I do think the chastity cage is important in training your man to be able to control himself but I do think that there will come a time when his orgasms have been regulated to a more reasonable frequency that YOU control. His penis is yours and his orgasms should be part of the positive reinforcement. There are many other reasons why chastity devices and orgasm control are essential to the modern relationship. I do love the key and lock as symbolism for our relationship as a whole. The lock symbolizes scarcity and the key symbolizes value.
What About Sex?
We still have sex, quite a bit of sex actually but it is about ME and my needs rather than his selfish needs. I always initiate sex, usually I will roll onto my back, spread my legs and make eye contact with him. He knows to go down on me, although he did make the mistake of asking me if he should unlock himself a few times. Those evenings didn’t go so well for him.
We do use a condom most of the time because we found that it helps sex last longer before he needs to stop to prevent a spill. I really like the way a condom feels so this isn’t a problem for me. He knows to get a condom after licking me to orgasm the first time. It is expected for him to use a condom. If I don’t want to use a condom, I will tell him so. He does grumble about this sometimes and that’s one of the perks.
After I’ve had a few orgasms, (usually 3-4) I will tell him that I’ve had enough. He is usually pretty good about interrupting sex when I tell him to. Sometimes he tries to get an extra thrust or two in but he has been getting better about that. After we uncouple, I’ll go use the restroom and we will cuddle for a while to make us both feel closer. I do really enjoy that cuddling time. He will sometimes unconsciously grind himself against me but few corrective words will stop that. From there, we either fall asleep together or we will roll over and watch TV together. Although I usually hold him or stroke him while watching TV, he is usually too stimulated after having sex so I’ll typically keep my hands on his arms and chest for those evenings.
What About Pegging?
Pegging is amazing and I don’t think that it falls under either positive or negative above. Pegging is simply another type of sexual play that truly opens up barriers of communication and forces you to have a deeper and more exciting level of intimacy. I do use pegging as a reward but no different than I would use a blowjob or PIV sex. Pegging makes me feel entirely different than any other type of sex. Pegging is empowering and pegging makes him feel submissive to me. We have some of our best and most open conversations when we are cuddling after a session of pegging.
The keys are teasing and orgasm control. Teasing him frequently shows him that you are thinking of him in a sexual and loving way. Orgasm control ensures that he retains his essential energy and keeps his hormones running on high.
We are currently on an informal seven day release schedule and that keeps his attention focused on me. We do have some sort of sex frequently but he saves his orgasm for when I allow it. With some slight tweaks to that release schedule, his sexual frustration is quickly harnessed into constructive energy. This ensures that his attention is laser focused on me and my needs. I highly recommend that you maintain sexual control so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.