Gender and roles are incredibly interesting to me. In my blog titled "Real Men Don't Have Penises" we looked at the differences in gender and how similar both genders actually are. In Vikter's Q&A blog titled "A Stay At Home Dad's Tale" we looked at a real life story of someone who has made the transition to a contradictory gender role.
As we go through life, our bodies produce hormones. The secretion volumes of thos hormones dictate our gender level as we grow older. The sex steroids (androgens, estrogens and progestogens) interact with vertebrae steroid hormone receptors to determine our genders. Hormonal balance is a tough thing as we age since our hormones are an ever evolving cocktail.
The yin and yang is a concept in Chinese philosophy that all things are inseparable and contradictory opposites. I believe that yin and yang is a wonderful representation of gender in you and I. As our male dominant side decreases, our female dominant side must increase to make up for the decrease in it's opposite. This is no new revelation and Chinese philosophy can see many things as these polar opposites.
- Hot & Cold
- Female & Male
- High & Low
- Positive & Negative
- Good & Evil
- Life & Death
- Sun & Moon
- Love & Hate
- Submissive & Dominant
- You & Him
And of course the literal definition of the light & dark sides. (Star Wars reference, anyone?)
The Yin side of this equation represents the fairer sex or the light side of the balance. As the female or yin side decreases, so must the yang side increase to create a wholeness. This means as you explore gender roles with your male counterpart, his retreat from the male role to the female role means that you must also retreat from female to male. …
You have hit the nail on the head with this one. Thanks for the mention (twice even). I think what made the difference for me was understanding what did NOT change when our roles changed. The most comforting words when I felt like I had “failed” as a man were my wife telling me that “you are the same person I fell in love with”. It made me start to see that just because I do something different (for me and societally) does not mean I am not still me. My jokes are still bad, my food is amazing, I still love my family and I know they love me. It helped give the mental finger to what other people thought I should be doing. I have rarely done anything that anyone has told me, why should this be different.
Glad you liked it! Your wife is incredibly supportive, I like her!
I’m sure that your jokes aren’t thaaaaaaaat bad. Right?
So one day a little fish is swimming along and runs into a wall. What does he say??
DAM!
How about, where does a hipster cook their food?
INDIE OVENS.
okay I’ll stop now.
Great post! Yes, things look for a balance and we (men) are moving away from the toxic sides but we’re also leaving some other stereotypes sometimes creating empty spaces that need to be filled.
My case is: i was the ‘nice guy’ and found a ‘sweet wife’ that was our guide before marrying. After our wedding, as i always saw myself and embraced the breadwinner, She went to a ‘more submissive’ role and i went to a more dominant. Neither did this on purpose, but i suffered it most. Even though we were both growing in our lives, i struggled and didn’t perform as the dominant sending us to a sub-sub crisis. We started distancing and She found the leadership She needed, and started leading us back together. We realized what was going on and then through time She has been taking more and more leadership although i kept the breadwinner (which i never saw as having more power, just as another way of serving Her).
i see many men, specially in the 15-30 years old range, confused. Unfortunately, in many cases, in a bad way as we (men) tend to be too comfortable. But i believe each couple will have much more flexibility to define their relationship and roles. Sex definitely carries lots of power dynamics so it’s being redefined. i welcome Emma and all the empowered women here as They help with this change.
Great post Emma. More couples would find true joy if they would adopt your advice to “break free of the gender/role stereotypes…” We all need to support friends and family who chose to break free from the shackles society places on us because of gender. This is especially true for younger couples. I’m very fortunate that my hubwife was open enough to reveal his submissive side to me when we were dating. It takes courage to do that. Hubwife’s honesty at that time laid the foundation for a successful marriage.
Keep up the good work!
Diane
I think many of us would feel guilty or out of line when it comes to assuming an atypical gender role. This is something that I feel should be overcome because it is only due to societal conditioning. If a certain set of roles works for you and your relationship, forget how society tells us it should be. Do what works for your relationship and communicate often and openly about how and why it is working for you.