About Her · About Him

You Are His Rock

The power of a strong, empowered, and committed woman knows no boundaries. While he is ultimately responsible for himself (she is not his fix or savior), she can be the difference between him having a life of aimless wandering, or a life of purpose.

Men require structure, rules, and objectives in order to feel valuable. This is why men have hierarchy in the military, management, relationships, politics, and community. They seek fulfillment by systemizing and channeling their energy through ritual, process, and roles. They need job descriptions and expectations because they are goal oriented, and their self-esteem is built or destroyed through their perceived ability to be ‘fully used’ as a tool and asset.

Most will not have the self-awareness to articulate that (so they act out of frustration), but watch any man in society who feels he lacks significant value to anyone or anything, and you will see a sad, broken, and bitter individual who will do anything to feel powerful – including, and especially hurting others.

In the end, every person wants to be wanted, loved, needed, and valued by others. We are pack animals, and this emotional need isn’t gender specific.

What is gender specific due to cultural conditioning and programming, is that men place most of their focus in tactical outcomes, whereas women place most of their self-esteem in strategic outcomes. One being short term, the other long.

This is a valuable and important dynamic, because we need both. Nothing is achieved without tactics, and nothing lasts without strategy. Neither is better or worse; just different. But when they work together, anything becomes possible and sustainable.

Empower your strategic side, by empowering his tactical side. Energize and fuel each other, so you can both become fully committed to giving the best of yourselves. In your difference, lies the strength.

Give him structure, give him focus, give him constructive feedback loops in a way that he experiences fulfillment of pride and ego through the act of serving you. Don’t look down on his sexualised nature of punishment, discipline, humiliation etc – these are just emotional and physical manifestations of someone who is craving (and lacking) structure and purpose. Look at it for what is really is, and not the superficiality of the kink.

When women powerfully channel their men from a ball of tangled wire, into a valuable cable, anything becomes possible. He wants to be utilized, and she wants an asset.

When women resent men because they think they should understand her, she gives away all her power to the man. She puts all her happiness in his hands.

When women learn how to empower, influence, and channel men — in a way that occurs to him as an opportunity to become fulfilled — she becomes the source of power. So much so, that he will put his happiness in helping her fulfill her end in mind.

Remember that leaders are never self-appointed. They are chosen because of the way they are being, not what they are doing. If you are having to remind people or claim that you are the leader, you aren’t it.

You are strong and you are enough. You are his rock.

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myQueen

Hi Emma,

I’ve been following your blog from the very beginning. But this post on ‘You are his rock’ prompted me to finally register. This post is so spot on in defining my strengths & my wife’s. We were best friends for 40 years and a couple for 20. It took us 3 years into our marriage before I realized the ‘tactics-strategy’ you laid out. However, our societal upbringing took some time to change how we were taught to behave to the woman-led relationship you so eloquently laid out.

Last edited 1 month ago by myQueen
subhubphx

“When women resent men because they think they should understand her, she gives away all her power to the man. She puts all her happiness in his hands.

When women learn how to empower, influence, and channel men — in a way that occurs to him as an opportunity to become fulfilled — she becomes the source of power. So much so, that he will put his happiness in helping her fulfill her end in mind.

Remember that leaders are never self-appointed. They are chosen because of the way they are being, not what they are doing. If you are having to remind people or claim that you are the leader, you aren’t it.”

Emma, this is profound, powerful, wonderful and entirely accurate! Often people flounder with any form of D/s dynamic because to be happy and successful in it, there has to be a leader and there has to be a follower. Each filled with enough of the right kind of respect, love and trust for the other that allows them to flourish individually in their respective roles to each other, allowing each of them to be a source of strength, love and pleasure for the other.

Tammy85

Now is when an example post is needed on what types of rules would those be and what types of objectives. How do you make a man feel completely fulfilled by being a tool in improving his woman’s life? In my case, I’m a dominant woman, I know what I’m and what I want in a man, the point is that finding a submissive man is a real pain in the world kinster. When you look for him in the vanilla world, you find substitutes, I try to make them feel valuable and useful, when they are useful, but their reactions are not as expected. Either they get angry, or they look down on me, or they don’t do it again, etc.

Aside from the obvious, that by not being a man who acknowledges being submissive and is happy to be useful to his woman, what could be useful in making a man feel useful and fulfilled?

Tammy85

And thank you very much for this blog, I have learned a lot of interesting things about male sexuality. It is also very well written. A little light is welcome amid so much darkness.

HerNeeds

I love the picture you selected for this blog. In one very simple image, it explains so much. Do you know who the artist is?