The power of a strong, empowered, and committed woman knows no boundaries. While he is ultimately responsible for himself (she is not his fix or savior), she can be the difference between him having a life of aimless wandering, or a life of purpose.
Men require structure, rules, and objectives in order to feel valuable. This is why men have hierarchy in the military, management, relationships, politics, and community. They seek fulfillment by systemizing and channeling their energy through ritual, process, and roles. They need job descriptions and expectations because they are goal oriented, and their self-esteem is built or destroyed through their perceived ability to be ‘fully used’ as a tool and asset.
Most will not have the self-awareness to articulate that (so they act out of frustration), but watch any man in society who feels he lacks significant value to anyone or anything, and you will see a sad, broken, and bitter individual who will do anything to feel powerful – including, and especially hurting others.
In the end, every person wants to be wanted, loved, needed, and valued by others. We are pack animals, and this emotional need isn’t gender specific.
What is gender specific due to cultural conditioning and programming, is that men place most of their focus in tactical outcomes, whereas women place most of their self-esteem in strategic outcomes. One being short term, the other long.
This is a valuable and important dynamic, because we need both. Nothing is achieved without tactics, and nothing lasts without strategy. Neither is better or worse; just different. But when they work together, anything becomes possible and sustainable.
Empower your strategic side, by empowering his tactical side. Energize and fuel each other, so you can both become fully committed to giving the best of yourselves. In your difference, lies the strength.
Give him structure, give him focus, give him constructive feedback loops in a way that he experiences fulfillment of pride and ego through the act of serving you. Don’t look down on his sexualised nature of punishment, discipline, humiliation etc – these are just emotional and physical manifestations of someone who is craving (and lacking) structure and purpose. Look at it for what is really is, and not the superficiality of the kink.
When women powerfully channel their men from a ball of tangled wire, into a valuable cable, anything becomes possible. He wants to be utilized, and she wants an asset.
When women resent men because they think they should understand her, she gives away all her power to the man. She puts all her happiness in his hands.
When women learn how to empower, influence, and channel men — in a way that occurs to him as an opportunity to become fulfilled — she becomes the source of power. So much so, that he will put his happiness in helping her fulfill her end in mind.
Remember that leaders are never self-appointed. They are chosen because of the way they are being, not what they are doing. If you are having to remind people or claim that you are the leader, you aren’t it.
You are strong and you are enough. You are his rock.