Pegging: Surrender Your Body to Her

I previously wrote about pegging positions and that continues to be one of the most popular blogs on the site. After writing that, I realized that positions actually very little to do with technique. While that blog was useful, the physical position actually has less to do with a loving an intimate experience than a greater level of understanding and compassion for your lover. Using this crazy thing called communication I was able to get some first hand feedback from my amazing boyfriend.

What Does it Feel Like?

Gaining an understanding of what pegging feels like is important so you can truly empathize and connect with your partner. Pegging is about a deep level of intimacy and trust and nothing kills intimacy like discomfort. Kev and I have been practicing pegging for quite some time. We’ve learned what he does and does not like. I asked him to describe the feeling of pegging to me and he came up with what I thought was a wonderful analogy.

Pegging is like eating your favorite food while it is too hot, it scalds your mouth at first but once it cools down it tastes great.

I asked him to elaborate on that a bit. He said that inserting the ol’ pegging tool has lots of pressure and it takes 15-20 seconds for him to relax the right parts of his body to accept me. Deep breaths, relaxation, slow movement, complete trust, acceptance and submission to your partner help to speed up the adjustment period. This resonated with me as well with regard to vaginal sex, easing it in and allowing myself to relax and stretch to accept him. You can’t go straight from penetration to thrusting, it would feel terrible and you might tear something. Ease it in, allow the lube to paint all of the right points of his insides. Toys with larger heads have a greater barrier to entry (literally) but can provide more stimulation as they enter and exit. Larger objects don’t necessarily provide a more pleasurable experience. Some anal-enthusiasts want to try and accommodate the largest thing they possibly can or even “work their way up” but this really isn’t necessary. Find the toy that suits your body and go from there. If you don’t feel like that toy is touching the right parts, then you might consider getting a different one.

Consider The Angle

Male pleasure comes from several things but prostate stimulation is the pleasure point with the potential to trigger an orgasm. That’s not to say that orgasm or even maximizing prostate stimulation should be the goal of your sexual encounter. Consider your chosen position and then consider the apparatus that you’ve got strapped to you.

If you want to give him indirect prostate stimulation, turn the bend of your magic wand upward. This will ensure that the prostate is stimulated with each thrust. Note that the prostate is about two inches inside so a shorter toy with each thrust being the length of the toy are most effective. Remember that the arc of his body is different so each position will align his rectum and prostate differently. With some positions an upward bend in your toy will miss the prostate entirely.

To directly stimulate his prostate, flip your toy upside down so it has a downward curve. This is best for doggy style since that position typically angles the prostate down toward the floor. Direct prostate stimulation may be too much for some guys especially those new to pegging or those with extra sensitive p-spots.

Change Your Apparatus

One thing about pegging is that the penis size and shape can be swapped out depending on your plans for the evening’s festivities. Some positions work well with guys of a certain size but others simply slip out when you try them. With pegging, you can get a longer dildo to try those especially interesting positions. We prefer a nice six inch toy normally but when we get acrobatic with our positions, we have a longer one that we try. This allows positions that would otherwise be impossible. Remember that pegging is not meant to be painful, if your partner feels pain something isn’t right. Stop and try something different.

Thrusting Physics

When we first started pegging, I made the mistake of entering him and taking shallow strokes without allowing the thrusts to be then full length of the toy. Since the prostate is relatively shallow in his bum bum, full strokes actually feel best once he is fully relaxed. Popping out and right back in is no big deal once his bum has relaxed so you needn’t worry too much about that.

Attitude & Language

Your attitude is a reflection of the game and role that you are playing. Are you a mistress, is he your sub? Are you simply telling him that you want him to be part of your power dynamic? Are you roleplaying or are you simply being yourself? If you are playing a part, I encourage you to be that part to the best of your ability If you are being yourself, I encourage you to be the best yourself that you can be. I encourage you to be in charge and demand authority in the relationship as it reflects the task at hand and will reassure him. It will reassure him that you are into it and that you are confidently anticipating what is about to go down.

Gender

Pegging has nothing to do with gender or sexuality. Let me repeat that for those in the back. Pegging has absolutely nothing to do with gender or sexuality. If you and your fella enjoy pegging, this doesn’t mean that he is secretly gay or that he secretly wishes he was a woman. It means that he has grown comfortable enough to experience this aspect of sexuality with you. Being penetrated does not make you a woman just as doing penetrating does not make you a man. Records of anoreceptive (men open to receiving sex anally) heterosexual males dates back to ancient Greece. Greek culture has a very interesting approach to sexuality. The Greeks did not attach sexual orientation to a social identifier like we modern western societies do.

Locked or Unlocked?

Many of you enjoy chastity and orgasm denial and have your big guys locked up. That begs the question, should you unlock him for pegging? My answer to that is a resounding NOPE. Keeping him locked keeps the pleasure away from his penis and helps him focus on what is going on inside rather than stimulating the thing dangling on the outside. Leaving him locked forces him to look inward for pleasure.

How should I dress?

In the videos and porn that I see, women are all dressed in corsets, stockings, stiletto heels and leather. This is all some bdsm fantasy world and it doesn’t need to reflect your bedroom. Your bedroom is what you make of it and mine absolutely does not reflect what we see in porn. My bedroom reflects what is comfortable to me and that usually involves sweat pants, yoga pants and a sports bra.

Emotions, Communication & Aftercare

For men, pegging is a deeply emotional experience unlike any other sex that he might experience. Accepting your penetration requires that he let his guard down, something that he doesn’t need to do with PIV sex. Now that he is the V in the PIV, he needs to accept your P with a great level of trust. The fact that pegging isn’t widely accepted and is taboo in some circles can make his verbalizing of enjoyment or desire even more challenging. Work with him on open and verbal communication. It is important to meet him where he is emotionally. When you are entering him, say soothing things to help him relax. Gentle touches on the neck and back help him accept and trust you. After he has accepted you into him and you begin to thrust, place your hands on the sides of his hipbones; not only will that give you some needed stabilization but it will give him reassurance. When his body relaxes, he will start to push back on you and be more exciting. For the first few times, he will be overwhelmed and you should expect a wet noodle of a partner. Remember how you were the first few times you had sex? Yeah, just like that.

Your anal adventure usually comes to a close when he feels some sort of discomfort or when your muscles feel exhausted. My abs can really feel like I got a good workout after a pegging session! I should make a workout video. Ok maybe PeggingFitness™ isn’t (and shouldn’t) be a thing but the point is that your abs will feel it!

Stereotypes around men enjoying anal stimulation are still prevalent so he may feel regret and shame about desiring pleasure in this way. In the interest of higher level communication, I recommend making him verbalize the things he wants. This will likely be incredibly uncomfortable and humiliating for him at first but it will allow him to be more communicative. Once you are in position to begin, force a conversation like:

She: Do you want me to fuck you?
He: Yes
She: Say it.
He: I want you to fuck me!
She: OK!

This might seem slightly silly, like poorly scripted porn but it forces him to communicate in a way that is uncomfortable for him. Try extending this outside of the bedroom as well. Give prompts to him until he uses words and phrases instead of using brevity as a communication crutch. This isn’t comfortable for him to say, acknowledge that and praise him when he does communicate properly.

She: Let’s hurry home so we I can fuck you tonight.
He: Do you mean pegging?
She: That’s exactly what I mean. Tell me you want me to peg you.
He: I want you to peg me.
She: Do better.
He: I want to bend over and have you to fuck me tonight with your strap-on.
She: I like that plan sweetie. Ok!

Use a confident, commanding tone to help him feel at ease with the role reversal. His ultimate goal is to please you and enjoying the sensitive side of your partner is infinitely pleasurable, at least for me. Our society characterizes masculine as the strong silent type but masculinity to me is defined by so much more.

Why do I like it?

This a valid question since the unit that I’ve got strapped around my waist doesn’t give me any real physical sensation. I do have a little bullet vibe at the base but the majority of the stimulation is mental for me. For him as well, I would say that the majority of the stimulation from pegging comes from submission and role reversal. When I first tried it, I thought it was a sex game or exercise in dominance that I was unlikely to grow into. Spoiler, I love it. I absolutely love the shift in power dynamic and enjoying this experience with him. So what are you waiting for? Abandon conventional norms for a while and make him your sexual plaything.