Karezza: A Mating Pedal and a Bonding Pedal

Our society has trained us to think that sex equals orgasm but what if a greater connection is to be found by redefining what sex actually is. The textbook definition of sexual intercourse is “heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis” but we all know that sex takes on many forms. If we were to use the textbook definition, oral sex, anal sex, pegging nor any other sex act not defined as heterosexual vaginal penis insertion. I think we can all establish that at least Merriam Webster’s definition is stupid. Let’s expand our quest for definition to the word intercourse “physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person”. That definition gets us a little bit closer to accuracy. Accurate or not, it should be noted that neither of those definitions include anything about ejaculation. Society tells us that a sex act is defined by the male ejaculation. Sex starts when he gets hard and ends when he ejaculates. This of course leaves half of the equation in the lurch since our orgasms simply don’t matter but that is a topic for another day, let’s not allow Emma to get sidetracked here. I mean, she is already talking about herself in the third person. Sheesh.

So we’ve established that sex does not equal orgasm by either partner. Ok lets go back to the old dictionary for a definition of Karezza: Coitus Reservatus or “prolonged coitus in which ejaculation of sperm is deliberately withheld.” Karezza is sex devoid of male ejaculation. Alright, I’ll set my dictionary down for now.

Karezza is an approach to sexual satisfaction that fosters a deeply emotional connection without orgasm that is unique to an orgasm-less sexual experience.

Female Partner Attraction

Nature wants us to have multiple partners and we are designed to procreate and breed. Pair bonding is inherently unnatural to us but many of us find great pleasure in having a long term partnership with another.

Do you ever find yourself attracted to your partner emotionally but not craving him sexually? Interestingly enough, the female body is designed to desire different men for different purposes at different points in our hormonal cycle. This means that we want some men for sex and other men for emotional support. We may want our emotional support from one source but desire physical needs from another. If this all sounds very complicated, it is. To top things off, hormonal birth control takes female attraction confusion to an entirely new level.

I received a contact form several nights ago from a man that asked why I don’t just date an alpha male if I want someone like that. Why “put Kev through” non monogamy when he isn’t what I am looking for? To correct him straightaway; Kev IS what I am looking for but I think we should clarify that women approach relationships in two different ways.

The Bonding Guy

Humans need to create a bond and foster loving relationships with an intense bond. This intense bond ensures that a couple will stay together and protect each other. Traditionally these challenging situations include foraging for food, raising children or protecting the woman through a vulnerable pregnancy. A bonding partner is typically a kind an intellectual man who can connect with our intelligence. Confidence is important in this type of partner but so is vulnerability and calmness. Those of us (like myself) who identify as sapiosexual can identify with intense attraction in this sort of partnership. We desire the bonding guy as relationship material and often describe him as so. This is also the guy whom we tell our parents and friends about.

The Mating Guy

Humans also need to mate, they mate for the purpose of populating (or overpopulating) the earth and securing the longevity of our species. If mating and bonding were to be compared, you would probably call mating “fucking” and bonding would be classified as “making love”. The mating partner is the man who our bodies crave for genetically strong male traits such as confidence, muscular upper body, forearms and a strong jawline with chiseled good looks. The confidence in this sort of guy can even border on cockiness. The mating guy is the friend with benefits or the guy we don’t tell our friends and family about. The mating guy is the late night booty call or the hookup after a party but not the dinner with friends guy.

So why can’t you have both with the same person? You can! You can absolutely have both bonding and mating with the same partner however you will often end up with a mediocre bond and a middle of the road mate. As humans, we simply are not wired to be two very different roles for another person. As females, we will over the course of the relationship try and change The Mating Guy into The Bonding Guy because the bonding guy is more important to us most of the time.

If this interests you and you want to learn more, I would highly recommend the book Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson. This book explains the benefits of Karezza in scientific and very relatable detail. I’ve attempted to reach out to “The Karezza Couple” featured in one of the videos above but didn’t have any luck. Their Twitter and Instagram appear to be defunct but I was able to find their website. I’d be curious to know if Paul & Shelby decided to move away from Karezza or if they broke up. Either way, I’d love to know where they are today in terms of their relationship.

A Female First Approach to Lovemaking

Karezza is an approach to lovemaking that allows men and women to approach sex with sensuality first and orgasm second. This approach puts the female needs first and foremost and makes the man the ultimate bonding partner. As the man learns more about his true needs, he will quickly embrace Karezza as a stronger form of intimacy and sexual fulfillment than society’s typical definition of sexuality. Other implements such as pegging and male chastity can add even more excitement and connection to your relationship. For couples who enjoy both Karezza and pegging, the man is able to experience vulnerable sexuality as it relates to accepting his lover into his body. Shifting from giving to a receiving in a sexual context can make the sex feel less like a performance to men. When performing, men often feel like they are distanced from their emotions. When receiving, there is no pressure on staying hard and satisfying their mate. Sexual performance is a huge source of sexual anxiety for many men which can result in sexual dysfunction such as erectile and ejaculatory problems.

What are your thoughts on Karezza? For those of you familiar with Karezza, does the use of a male chastity device enhance the practice? Are there other books that you would recommend?