Hi Tanya! Welcome to the site. I completely empathize with some of the things you said and my first reaction is that this fantasy may have been less about you and more about your husband. That is entirely fine but we should be clear about it. It sounds like during the course of the fantasy you may have found some elements that you enjoyed as it played out. Believe it or not this is quite common; as women we are often burdened with guilt around our sexuality. I think that is stupid but there is a reality about shedding the heavy burden of guilt. We can't feel sexy if we feel guilty. Sexual guilt holds us back from sexual openness and free sexual expression because we hide behind the guilt.
Let's switch gears to your husband for a moment. His lack of communication is concerning and it seems like some of this scenario may have been coordinated behind your back through communication with Rafael and his friends. Before you consider anything like this again, I think you need to have a series of conversations about your feelings and desires. Tell him exactly what you enjoyed with Rafael and tell him what you didn't like. If you liked when Brett went into the other room while you were with Rafael, let him know. If being left alone with another man made you feel uncomfortable (as it would with me) make sure you let him know that as well.
It sounds like both you and Brett enjoyed this experience in different ways. Through communication, you can figure out which parts of this experience should be repeated and which parts should not be permitted to occur again in the future. From what you said, it sounds like his presence, seeing his eyes and feeling his love even while you are with another man is comforting to you and helps you feel like you have his approval. It also sounds like teasing and humiliation are important to you as well. Through discussion with Brett, see if you can figure out the balance of his presence and intentional humiliating dirty talk from you. Now remember that there are several types of humiliation, one is denial and the other is inadequacy. Denial is based around your sexual needs being a limited resource and an example would be "How does it feel to know another man can have me but you can't?". Inadequacy would be centered around his inability to please you "He is so much bigger, yours doesn't feel this good." Both are centered around making him feel uncomfortable and will undoubtedly create a hormonal boost for him as he hears you say it amid the scenario that is unfolding in front of him. When you chat with him, make sure that he is able to handle humiliation, if you see the slightest bit of anger you should consider keeping humiliation a fantasy even if he seems to like the idea of it.
You need to pinpoint the things about an experience like this which work for both of you. If anything works for only one of you, never compromise with a situation because it will create resentment. Do things that you both love and enjoy to ensure that you both have a wonderful time together. This is about bringing you both closer together and not pulling you apart. In the meantime, enjoy your unsolicited monthly Rafael dick pics. ?
I hope that helped, let me know in the comments if you have any other questions or if I left anything out.
This question was submitted by SmallDCouple via Twitter.…
