I wrote about the appeal of a cuckold and hotwife relationship for women and it continues to be one of my most popular blogs. I've wanted to revisit it a few times but until recently I haven't felt like I've been comfortable answering it just yet due to my own lack of experience with the genre. Over the last few months, Kev and I have done our fair share of experimentation in the world of cuckolding and we both enjoy it tremendously. I've been challenged with understanding the aura and undertone of sexual novelty with the practice and I wanted to ensure that I fully understand the relationship between humiliation, cuckolding and my own experience of being a woman.
The definition of cuckolding is when a man has a sexual relationship with another man's wife or girlfriend. The boyfriend or husband would be the cuck and the other man would be the cuckolder or bull. Cuckolding may happen because the cuck is unable to satisfy his wife for medical reasons or simply because of a decrease in arousal due to a long term relationship. Overfamiliarity in long term relationships is the largest cause of erotic dissatisfaction and it is completely natural. In fact over 40% of heterosexual women fantasize about voyeuristic cuckolding having their partner watch them with someone else.
What is the cuck's sexual role in a cuckold relationship? Maintenance sex is key to an ongoing healthy sexual relationship of any kind but especially so in a cuckold relationship. Maintenance sex is regular sex with your husband and a baseline for other enjoyment outside of that core relationship. Maintenance sex is weekly or biweekly sex that is either planned or expected. It is rately spontaneous and isn't usually overly hot and is intended to meet the baseline needs of the sexual relationship. There is no sexual bond for a sexless relationship. A couple that is not meeting their baseline sexual needs is arguably not a healthy well rounded sexual relationship. The man will not have an innate sexual ownership of the woman and the woman will not have a sexual bond with the man. A relationship without frequent maintenance sex is a nesting partner relationship. If there is no active sexual bond, there is no sense of loss or humiliation for the cuck. In fact he is not a cuck at all, just a man that is still present in a relationship that has already ended. You might call that a cuck but I'd call it something different entirely.
Swinging and cuckolding are inherently different. Swinging is typically a swapping of wives or a threesome of equal partners. Equality and fairness are more tantamount in a swinging relationship. Swinging is often called wifeswapping - you get my wife and I get yours, bro. Cuckolding is a relationship with another man who provides me more sexual satisfaction than my cuck. I verbalize that and everyone is aware that the bull is providing something that the cuck is not. This can be more stamina, larger penis, more dominance or many other things. He is fulfilling unmet sexual and sometimes emotional needs. A cuckold relationship can usually be thought of as physical dating and not emotional dating unless you choose to mix your cuckoldry with elements of polyamory.
Humiliation is not a necessary part of a cuckold relationship. As an optional component, it heightens the levels of power, dominance from the woman and submission for the cuck. Many couples find that humiliation is a necessary part of a cuckold relationship to help rationalize the sexual dynamic by making the cuck have temporary feelings of worthlessness. Society does not prepare us for this so humiliation helps us by sexualizing our insecurities. My husband loves pleasing me sexually and takes much of his self worth from knowing that I am a sexually satisfied wife. Humiliation allows him to still feel that he is providing for me through another person. For example, if our heater was broken my husband can say he got the heater fixed even if the heater repair man did it. A bull in this scenario is the hired help that my husband called to get the heater fixed. He made it happen and I am sexually satisfied because he allowed it to happen. Saying "allowed it to happen" is controversial but he does have relationship autonomy and while he cannot tell me what to do, he can choose to participate in the relationship or not. Both partners have relationship boundaries that they can allow or disallow.
Humiliation is also key to amplifying feelings of jealousy especially for men who have lower levels of jealousy toward their partner. Men prone to compersion, those who take pleasure from watching their partner may not get the same benefits of cuckold experience so humiliation builds their jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. While jealousy can be an ugly emotion, it can be a tremendous ego boost for many women to know that their partners are jealous. To have a partner who is jealous means that you have a partner that craves you at the most carnal level. Unrestrained jealousy is bad but managed jealousy is an incredibly attractive characteristic for many women. Humiliation helps him manage his jealousy and keeps the hormonal response levels high for the duration of the experience.…
This is hilarious! Thankfully cuckold therapy seems to be free.
I thought this was an awesome blog. There are so few blogs written truly from the female prospective about cuckolding and not just kink drive jerkoff material. These 2 quotes stood out to me 1 negatively and 1 positively.
“Maintenance sex is weekly or biweekly sex that is either planned or expected. It is rately spontaneous and isn’t usually overly hot and is intended to meet the baseline needs of the sexual relationship.”
This one’s the negative. As a man that has been in Kevin’s end of a cuckold relationship the idea that sex with me is not determined worthy of spontaneity or passion would be an absolute deal breaker. I’m not saying it needs to be you begging for piv sex even if it’s pegging cbt and humiliation that’s fine as long as it is passionate and craved by my partner then we’re all good. In my opinion obligatory sex is worse than none at all. If my spouse is unable to desire whatever we call sex multiple times a week then that would be a problem that would need to be fixed or would spell the beginning of the end left unchecked.
“He made it happen and I am sexually satisfied because he allowed it to happen. Saying “allowed it to happen” is controversial but he does have relationship autonomy and while he cannot tell me what to do, he can choose to participate in the relationship or not.”
This one is an enormous positive. I have always felt but never seen articulated so succinctly. There is no emotional or mental thrill in a cuckold relationship without both partners freedom of choice being paramount. Without openly and often bringing up the fact that he is choosing to be submissive and subjugating his role as sole sexual partner then just like any other form of relationship it becomes rooted in obligation hold ever diminishing erotic energy.
Either way these were just the thing that really stood out to me in your blog that sparked me to respond. Everyone is different and the things that turn each of us on or off are as subjective as anything could be. I’m really happy to hear you and Kevin are enjoying your experimentation and look forward to hearing more about them in the future.
P.S.Thank you for this fantastic website it has been a huge help to me personally when struggling to cope with some of my on feeling around craving such a “socially unacceptable” lifestyle.
Very thoughtful piece. A lot of good insights. I am a long way from this being part of my relationship, but it definitely gives me excellent insight into other dimensions.
Another excellent article, Emma! Pretty well all of it rings true to me. Based on conversations I have had with my wife, I think she has similar thoughts and feelings. I think you are right about maintenance sex. Even though penetrative sex may be reserved for the lover (my wife and I use that term rather than bull), there needs to be a strong erotic bond between husband and wife. Otherwise, as you say, the husband isn’t really a husband and “cuckolding” has no meaning. For me, playful humiliation is an important part of the erotic experience. It may not be that way for all cuckolds, but it is for me. My wife was hesitant about humiliation play at first. I think she was worried about really hurting me or damaging my self esteem. But once she realized it was something I truly wanted, she got into it, and I had the feeling it turned her on tease me about having a small penis or about being less of a man than her lovers. My theory is that women are so culturally conditioned to stroke a man’s ego by telling him how big and manly he is that it felt liberating and exciting to my wife to do the opposite.
Very well written and comprehensive post.
To you, what’s the ideal penis size for a bull?
I don’t think there is an ideal size but I don’t think the dynamic works unless there is something sexually “better” about the bull than the cuck.
Absolutely beautiful. I just adore this blog. It’s so true and so close to my relationship with Mistress
This is a great post! Well written and very erotic. 5 Stars ⭐️
What a load of delusional self-righteous crap.
The “sexual ownership” you describe is exactly what is at heart of that “kink” you practice. In fact it’s THE way that puts it at the center of all things sexual in a relationship and gives to it more importance it ever had.
There is really nothing more to all of it than the deep humiliation and inadequacy that arise from the feelings of your husband being ruthlessly trampled by you, having sex with someone else. There is nothing more to it than the “cuck angst.” The feelings one might get from “the needs of his wife being met by another man” don’t play in the balance of the husbands’ agreement to that deeply emotionally wrecking play. Every half-aware cuckold admits to being a mental masochist.
It’s funny (not), however, to see how often the cuckolding wife has absolutely no idea whatsoever of what her husband derives pleasure from. More of that fempathy for you.
A good, caring and non-abusive wife with more of that fempathy would certainly, when realizing how deeply rooted those feelings of humiliation and inadequacy are in her husband, try to comfort him, to raise his self-esteem and generally find other, heathy paths to a sexual relationship.
You’re perfectly right about double standards. If any man was to subject his female partner to half of the emotional abuse you subjected your husband to, no matter how deeply wrecked as a self-loving individual and into masochism she spiraled into, he would certainly not be seen as any thing other than an egotistical, narcissistic and abusive piece of trash.
I have thought about that for a long time and my only conclusion is that I wish people like you to get hurt, no offense.
Well, I hope I don’t get hurt but I value your well articulated comment and contribution to the site. As many are aware, I’m just as fascinated and excited by comments when they are contrary to where I am in my journey with Kev. So yes, welcome and thank you.
This is about the best we (hubby and I) have read.
So many supposedly informed experts are just catering to the porn tinted glasses that many men fantasize about and their wives have no idea.
I enjoyed reading “Humiliation is not a necessary part…”
I read something a few years back about “Small Penis Humiliation” vs “Small Penis Teasing”
My husband would not tolerate SPH but does enjoy me playfully doing SPT.
Seems we are back to front with things; it was me not the husband in desiring a large penis.
Male chastity came long after we began a hotwife/cuckold lifestyle.
Thank you for the great site “Evolving Your Man”
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