Sexualize Denial
What does cuckolding take away from your husband? Make a list of those things and sexualize them. Cuckolding takes away sexual exclusivity, the shattered fantasy of a cuckold marriage is that he is the only man you desire, your time. Sexualizing denial is achieved in many ways but the best is to verbally state the obvious about denying him. Tonight is Tuesday, our date night but tonight I’ll be spending it with a different man. How do you feel about being replaced by someone else on our normal night? Without taking something from him, there is no cuckoldry. If you have a sexual relationship with your husband, be very descriptive about what the bull is getting that he is not. If you have a non-sexual relationship with your husband, be very descriptive about why the bull satisfying needs that he does not. If you simply have a boyfriend and lead a separate life then you will grow apart and eventually the relationship is doomed. Cuckoldry and humiliation is the glue of intimacy that creates a sexual bond where there is not one and holds the two of you together. Make his orgasm or lack of orgasm important to you. If you are adamant that he withhold pleasure as a service to you, that is as arousing to a cuck as the orgasm itself.
Sexualize Reclaiming
Every cuckold relationship needs some sort of reclaiming or you are just roommates leading parallel lives and parallel relationships. Reclaiming can take many forms but it allows the two of you to bond over the sexual experience that you had and minimizes his resentment by sexualizing the experience. Have him him give you oral sex after your date while talking about the things you loved your experience. Make some sort of ritual where you explain why you have a boyfriend/bull and reaffirm the role that your husband plays in your life. You are my best friend, my confidant and we will be together forever but I need sex in a way that you have never been able to provide.
Play Into the Fantasy
The cuckold fantasy derives from a deep sense of not being good enough. If your husband has a history of abandonment including partners, friends and parents leaving this may ring true for cuckold motivation. If your husband has a history of partners, friends, parents and even job abandonment the he may have a heightened sensitivity to something is not good enough about him. Therefore seeing someone who loves him being intimate with someone else confirms the belief that he is inherently not good enough. Its confirmation bias of what you previously believe to be true.
Your husband has sexualized the insecurity of abandonment and the subsequent adrenaline rush of being abandoned provides arousal instead of pain. When he feels insecure about certain aspects of himself, hey may seek validation to cope with those insecurities. By sexualizing his insecurities in the form of cuckoldry, he might believe that they can gain approval, attention, or affection and boost his self-esteem with a sense of validation as a way to mask vulnerability and project confidence where they feel insecurity or uncertainty.
Instead of facing and addressing their insecurities directly, he may choose to focus on sexual interactions or appearances as a way to temporarily escape or numb their emotional discomfort. He may even feel that embracing their sexuality or sexualizing their insecurities is empowering. They may see it as a way to reclaim control over their bodies and identities, especially in societies where sexuality has historically been repressed or stigmatized. However, it’s essential to differentiate between genuine empowerment and using sexualization as a coping mechanism for deeper insecurities.
Cuckolding is in most cases a superficial coping mechanism for temporary relief or distraction from deeper emotional issues. This can create a validation dependency with the ongoing cuckolding fetish. While this is escapism at its finest, it isn’t inherently bad. Open communication with your partner to ensure that you both are self aware about the role that cuckolding plays and that it lives in a healthy mental state for him.
How Can I Sexualize My Cuckold Marriage?
- Take the focus away from the bull, explain that it isn’t about the bull or boyfriend being exceptional lover, it is about the husband being a very unexceptional lover.
- Remove his hormonal ability to sexualize the sitaution by making him masturbate to completion before cuckolding him. This forces him to experience his feelings directly rather than through a sexy lens.
- Try with and without a chastity cage.
- Use erotic humiliation about sensitive topics regarding his penis size (SPH) and sexual performance.
- Go shopping for clothing for dates together with constant reminders the clothing is not for him to enjoy seeing you in.
- Plan getaways and staycations with and without your bull/boyfriend.
- Make him an active participant in finding you a bull or boyfriend that meets your approval. He will likely choose the man that most triggers his insecurities and you might be surprised how well he knows your “type”.
- When you are with him sexually, remind him how much you would rather be with anyone else.
- Turn on the tv to watch porn because he isn’t going to be capable of getting you in the mood.
- Have him cum on his own body and sit until it dries, make fun of the pathetic mess he made, his small amount of cum and tiny cock. Remember that he is extremely vulnerable to emotion right after cumming because he is not clouded by sexualization.
Final Thoughts
You’ve decided on a cuckold marriage and have frequent check-ins to ensure that this cuckold marriage is meeting both of your needs. You are getting the sexual freedom and satisfaction that you crave along with the empowerment of subjugating him and his sexual needs. He in turn is getting his emotional validation dependencies met while still maintaining a strong emotional relationship with you. The two of you should have frequent check-ins to make sure that you are on the same page. Kev and I use a one to ten scale with the following questions.
- How sexually connected do you feel with me on a scale of one to ten?
- How emotionally connected do you feel with me on a scale of one to ten?
- How safe do you feel in our marriage on a scale of one to ten?
We both ask each other these questions constantly and typically they are asked by both of us. Regardless of the approach, have frequent conversations and create a distinct separation of fantasy from reality. Your marriage is reality, anything outside of that is fantasy. If that begins to change, you need to have a very real conversation about how things are changing and which direction you want the changes to go. What do these changes mean for our marraige?
I have really enjoyed your blog over the years and I wish you and Kevin the best in all your adventures. As I have evolved as a man on my own journey this lifestyle and mindset is not a healthy one for me. I’d never assume to put my experience on to anyone else but I would say to any man that is involved in an FLR or cuckold relationship really do some soul searching. Completely and intentionally separate from your partner. At least for me what I discovered once I dealt with issues underpinning my lack of self confidence my desire to submit has vanished. I feel healthier and happier than I have in my adult life. My marriage is stronger then ever and my wife has really enjoyed me take the lead sexually and in your relationship. This was a big surprise to herself. She told me recently that she didn’t realize how much stress and pressure she felt being in the lead for so long. So just to rap my self important post up. I think there were some excellent points brought up in this blog but as a man you should ask yourself am I choosing this lifestyle or am I allowing my insecurities to lower my own vale to the point I’m putting someone’s else fulfillment above my own and what cost is that having on your life as a whole.
Hi, Emma.
I would use the terms S&M for those practices. I just miss spanking and leather to see it as a full S&M relationship.
For me, the most arousing points would be:
Go shopping for clothing for dates together with constant reminders the clothing is not for him to enjoy seeing you in.
Plan getaways and staycations with and without your bull/boyfriend.
Make him an active participant in finding you a bull or boyfriend that meets your approval. He will likely choose the man that most triggers his insecurities and you might be surprised how well he knows your “type”.
When you are with him sexually, remind him how much you would rather be with anyone else.
Thanks for your post.
Although not at all for me, I know there are some men out there who may truly enjoy the constant feeling of humiliation and failure when it comes to their relationship with their woman.
“In a cuckold relationship, the cuckold husband is the pillar of the relationship. The husband is the the emotional connection that allows the relationship to flourish, he is one who will be there to care for her when she is sick, he will be there when she needs someone to confide in.”
I believe that the opposite is true. He is not the pilar but rather the willow branch that will always bend in a way that will meet the philandering needs of his wife’s sexual desires. For any man who has any desire, any amount whatsoever, to be an oak and not a willow, knowing his wife is fucking other men and being told the reason is that he is good enough for her, it will eat at him and erode him from the inside.
” … but if the internet is to be believed, the worthless husband is trampled on, spat upon and humiliated at every turn and he loves it and craves more. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”
By being proactively told that he isn’t good enough for her sexually, isn’t that exactly what is happening to a cuckold husband, albeit without the actual spit or trampling? Again, if a man truly and unquestionably wants to live his life this way, then being a cuckold is for him. No question.
Love this list! I would also add spanking your husband. I know Emma and Kev didn’t really like it but I think it is a great way to humiliate your cuck. Before leaving for a date give him a good old fashioned spanking so he has a warm bottom the entire time you are out.
You could also try having a trusted friend come over to cuck-sit him – if there is someone in your life you trust enough to let them know what is going on. They are there to make sure the cuck does his chores and doesn’t masturbate, that sort of thing.
🙁 So humiliating. And arousing! ❤️
I’m confident that from a ladies point of view all of his is relevant, but to most men it’s simpler. It’s instinctive for most submissive men to sexualize not only their inadequacies, but what they cannot have. Ladies are free to carry on detailed psychological analysis of cuckolding of course, but women in a FLR would be well advised to simply lock up their husbands or boyfriends, keep them aroused, but denied, and explain that their size and/or skills are inadequate, and they require a better equipped man, find one, and have a fulfilling sexual relationship. This can be done tactfully of course, and the majority of submissive men in a FLR will accept this, not only because he will respect her for being honest, but also respect her because she (as the keyholder) is the dominant one in the relationship. A detailed psychological analysis of cuckolding makes for interesting reading, but for most submissive men the situation doesn’t require this.
” …and explain that their size and/or skills are inadequate, and they require a better equipped man, find one, and have a fulfilling sexual relationship.”
I respectfully disagree with the automatic assumption that most any man, submissive or otherwise, want to be ever told this, outside of those few men that have a humiliation fetish. Those who get humiliated but lack the fetish feel genuine pain and a slow, then faster deterioration of their mental state when being told this from the woman they love, even if it is in jest.
I also don’t agree that “most submissive men” sexual their inadequacies. Most submissive men who don’t have a genuine fetish for being humiliated will begin a dangerous and painful process of being perceived that way by their wives for fear of disappointing her. As such, merely assuming that “most submissive men” don’t want truly want cuckolding, outside of fantasy. I believe it is wrong to suggest that submissive men in a loving FLR/WLM are merely expected to accept their eventual fate as a cuckold merely because the Wife is Dominant.
Hi,
Well, I suppose that Emma and Kev must have discussed these issues a lot and everything is agreed.
Maybe Kev doesn’t have much resistance to physical punishment, but he does have much resistance to psychological punishment.
If Kev has willingly accepted to be his wife’s humiliated cuckold, he must submissively endure all the punishments she imposes on him, such as remaining in chastity, helping his wife to choose lovers and clothes to be sexy for them, licking up her after having sex with other men and anything she tells him to do.
I love that Emma humiliates Kev with her punishments and that he endures like a good submissive cuckold.
Thank you.