Let me tell you, when I first came across Cupid's Poisoned Arrow on one of YogaGirl’s old blogs, I knew I had to get my hands on it. A book about Karezza with an endorsement from YogaGirl herself? Way too intriguing to pass up, you know it’s going to dive into some juicy, thought-provoking territory and it did not disappoint.
If you’re curious about how your relationship dynamics could be shifted (and frankly, improved) by understanding and using the power of non-ejaculatory sex to your advantage, this book is for you. Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is a deep-dive into how we experience sexual pleasure, love, and connection—and how we are doing it all wrong.
Marnia Robinson and Douglas Wile Ph.D. set out to tackle a big subject: how orgasms, especially male orgasms, can have unintended consequences for long-term relationships. The book’s central concept is this: the way we typically pursue sex, with orgasm as the ultimate goal, might be sabotaging our ability to maintain deep and fulfilling connections. In other words, the poison in Cupid’s arrow could be the orgasm itself!
I know, this sounds pretty wild at first. Aren’t orgasms supposed to be amazing? Aren’t they the point? Cupid's Poisoned Arrow argues that while orgasms feel great in the moment, they can lead to a “crash” that actually weakens our emotional connection over time. This is especially true for men, who experience something called the “refractory period” after ejaculation, which is basically a recovery phase where their desire for intimacy (and often their mood) tanks.
Robinson brings in ancient practices like Karezza, a form of sex that prioritizes connection over climax. Instead of focusing on getting to that big finish, the emphasis is on slow, sensual, and deeply intimate contact that builds a more stable, ongoing bond. Sounds pretty perfect for the FLR crowd, right? Because if you’re in a relationship where female-led dynamics are at the forefront, keeping that emotional connection strong is key. After a two-week period without orgasms, the couple can focus on maximizing stillness during intimacy, just being present with each other in a penetrative state using positions like the scissors position to reduce thrusting and avoid traditional "humping" behaviors. By embracing this stillness, the man's penis naturally fluctuates between being hard and soft, allowing both partners to focus on their presence together and the emotional bond rather than a finish line of climax. This deeper connection helps to strengthen the relationship by removing the pressure and focus of achieving orgasm.
Orgasm control and denial, as explored in Cupid's Poisoned Arrow through practices like Karezza, are not just about sexual novelty—they're backed by real science about how our bodies and minds respond to orgasm. One of the key biological processes at play is the release of neurochemicals during sex, particularly during and after orgasm. Dopamine, the "pleasure chemical," spikes during arousal and peaks at orgasm, giving that intense rush of satisfaction. However, after orgasm, dopamine levels drop sharply, leading to what’s often referred to as a "sexual hangover," where feelings of connection and arousal plummet. This can result in what’s called the refractory period, especially in men, where there’s a temporary drop in libido and mood. Orgasm denial aims to avoid this crash, maintaining steadier levels of dopamine, allowing for more consistent feelings of connection and intimacy.…
This FLR approach to emotional closeness is certainly a more sustainable situation than the more radical ups and downs encountered in a male’s frequent orgasm cycle, however I would say to the women reading this, it will take a male longer to adapt. A locking chastity cage will be a must. The woman may immediately benefit from this this “deeply intimate contact” but for the man, it will take the form of a prolonged, weeks long cock-tease, keeping him very hard for a woman, but securely locked, throbbing, and frustrated. He’ll no doubt see the benefits of all this in the future, but for most males the initiation period will be (less than) fulfilling. This can be a win-win if the lady in the FLR is steadfast in seeing to it her man follows the program (and if she enjoys tease and denial, this will be an additional plus for her) but she’ll definitely need to take the lead.
Will get the book. Great análisis, looking forward to hear about reactions from others. Happy locktober
Sounds good! Thank your for sharing your opinion about this book. When can we buy your book?)
I’d love to write one and I’ve actually considered it but I wonder how lucrative it is to be an author. Blogging has certainly been a “don’t quit your day job” endeavor.
For what it’s worth, I think you should do it. In fact, I’ll do my best to try to convince you that you should…
Your blog spans hundreds of posts and has tonnes of content. I know you’re pretty humble about the notion of being an expert, but you’ve been writing about this stuff (and just as importantly, thinking critically about it) for years. There’s no Ph.D. on this subject, so I think it’s safe to say you’re about as close as one can get to being a leading expert. Nobody knows everything about a subject and no expert on anything has finished learning about it.
The fact that you have written so many posts on your blog, and continue to do so, is great for those of us who have been enjoying it since the beginning, but it also would also make it hard for new readers to jump in – especially, I suspect, for women who are just finding out about it all and may find 41 pages just of the links to the actual blog entries a bit daunting to start reading. You have discussed several topics all throughout your blog as you’ve learned more, thought about them from different angles, and as your own views have evolved. Bringing the wealth of what you’ve had to say on each topic together into a cohesive structure would make it far easier for newcomers to digest.
Since the beginning of your blog, there is only one thing you have consistently said is a must: orgasm control. That seems to be the foundation of the “Evolving Your Man” philosophy and everything else you’ve written about. Just thinking back on your blog is kind of proof of that concept. You started off with orgasm control, tried a bunch of things, some of which you kept and others you didn’t, and you have been shaping your relationship ever since. That’s a very approachable concept for a book: “Just start with orgasm control and discover how much that, alone, enhances your relationship… then, only if you want to, decide where else you’d like to experiment with taking your relationship.”
You’ve written so much that central concept of orgasm control: how to implement it, tailoring it to what works best, timing of releases, the importance of teasing, chastity cages, the benefits for both partners, the psychology and science of it, the challenges, etc. That’s a very big chunk of a book right there. And then you’ve written about the other things you can incorporate: expanding into an FLR, handing over chores, pegging, humiliation, punishment, cuckolding, etc. Your curiosity, open-mindedness, and desire to shape your relationship mean you can speak to so many different things, even the ones you tried and didn’t fall in love with. Which brings me to my next point.
You write from a position of empowerment. It seems to be the case that, more often than not, the man comes to the woman seeking out this sort of dynamic. The fact that you have driven your dynamic from the very beginning, shaping your relationship (and “evolving your man”) the way you want, probably helps women who read what you have to say feel all the more empowered. And despite the fact that your blog has attracted a lot of men, you have always written for women.
You write well, with intelligence, inquisitiveness, humour, sass, and sexiness, which I think makes your writing universally acceptable. You come across as very relatable, not as a natural born dominatrix who many readers just wouldn’t identify with. You really do know what you’re talking about, and have the experience to back it up.
As for money, I think you’d do pretty well. To start, you have a fairly large online community (including people like me who would jump at the opportunity to help), which should lead to a decent number of sales at launch. If you self publish as an e-book, and price it at $10, I think both Amazon and Apple give you 70% (I think Amazon cuts your share significantly if you charge more). Every 100 copies is $700. And as long as your blog keeps going, you’re going to attract more people and drive more sales for years to come.
Anyway, that’s my pitch, for what it’s worth.