I am a long-time EYM reader and my name is Jennifer, and I have to say, this blog you've created has helped my husband and I explore and understand the dynamics of our relationship and even understand ourselves at an entirely different level. I have a question that I’ve been mulling over for a while, and I thought who better to ask than you?
So, here’s the thing: My husband and I have been in a cuckold relationship for a couple of years, I think I we were drawn to it before you still had your anti-cuckold frame of mind and opinion! We both enjoy it, but I’ve noticed that my feelings toward my husband have shifted a little. When I think about him submitting to me, submitting to my bull, and seeing him take a back seat to my pleasure, I sometimes find myself viewing him as "less of a man." Not in an overly bad way, but more like he's become a caretaker and an emotional partner rather than someone I view in a sexual, dominant light. I feel like I’m starting to see him as less of a trad man and more of someone whose purpose is to support and serve me.
I love him deeply, but I can’t help but feel this shift is affecting how I see him. Is this normal? How does this change in perspective impact our relationship long-term? I’d love your thoughts on how to manage these feelings because I don’t know what to do with this shift and I don't want it to turn into something negative. Should I be concerned?
Love and gratitude,
Jennifer
Hey Jennifer!
First off, thank you for your thoughtful message and for being such a loyal reader! I’m thrilled that my blog has helped you explore your relationship — that's why I do what I do! …
“I love him deeply, but I can’t help but feel this shift is affecting how I see him. Is this normal? How does this change in perspective impact our relationship long-term? I’d love your thoughts on how to manage these feelings because I don’t know what to do with this shift and I don’t want it to turn into something negative. Should I be concerned?”
Of course you aren’t asking me these questions, but that has never stopped me before from giving my answers as if you were. Yes, it is normal. The “shift” you feel is diminishing respect for him. It is normal that you would pull away from your husband because you no longer view him as man enough to satisfy you. No matter how much emotional support or doting loving care-giving he does, that will only continue and get worse, long term.
Should you be concerned? It depends on whether or not you can accept your husband in his diminished, less respected role. Having your cake and eating it too comes with burdens that you and he will accept or not. Can he handle the humiliation of another replacing him in such an important part of any relationship, or not? If so, you’ll be left to determine whether the new him is something you care enough about. If not, he’ll likely end things.
The problem now is, you’re here now. A very good example of why a couple needs to FULLY communicate in such a way as to anticipate these things, BEFORE, they think they want her to fuck other men.
Agree 100%
Not just communicate but role play with each other and see how you feel in the moment, in situations that bring up similar emotions. You can talk all you want and decide how you want to feel but you wont know how you are going to feel until the emotions are there.
The problem I see is no one is thinking about what would life be like if he wasn’t there anymore.,…..
I know I know but I have seen the bad rode to often to not think about it 🤔
But what happens when you do think about it you suddenly get more respect for your significant other you realize I can’t be here without him/her without them the hole thing is just being single and dating and trust me if that happens it never goes well
Still I hope all the best for these two take it one step at a time
It seems like the issue is this person connecting sex with manhood. If she has a bull to fulfill sexual needs then she doesn’t need her husband for that anymore which frees him of the pressure and responsibility of being that for her. They get to explore the psychological aspect of sex. Stuff like pegging, power control, humiliation, and so on.
I love this response. Additionally connecting sex to self-worth but I think you implied that when you said manhood.
Our experience is indeed that there are (possibly) shifts in the function and views of the members of the relational triangle in a cuckold-dynamic. It also depends what is “your shifted view” toward your husband and if he has a problem with your (new) view. If biology makes you very attracted to your lover it is very probable that you wiil not want to share your biology for some time with your husband anymore and that you will not see you husband anymore as a “mating” partner. But you can still see him as a mental, relational partner (in crime :). If he gets an emotional, mental and sexual release to compensate what he is missing in such a period everything can be/stay in balance! This is the case in our rlationship. For my girlfriend and myself the shift took place every time she got in love with her lover. Being in love is next to a mental also a chemical proces in the brain that is/can be overpowering even if you still want to keep everything under control. The first time is scary and stressing for the man and the woman of the cuckold couple but with time you get used to these waves and you stay confident. In our relationship it became clear each time in the behaviour of my girlfriend that she became more distant to me, not wanting to making out, not wanting to have sex anymore with me etc. In the beginning this was very awkward but we now found our balance. Naturally it depends which type of cuckold the husband is. If he likes submission, chastity, being denied (as myself) then such a situation should be working. If the cuckold husband wants to reclaim his wife each time (what I tried in the beginning) this could cause some problems. Our longterm solution for us is that I am not aloud to have PIV-sex anymore with my girlfriend but that gets compensated in many other ways.
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The short answer is: “Yes” she does think less of him. Though she may deny it, sexual performance is just as much a part of a marriage as emotional bonding or financial support. If she feels the need to seek the sexual fulfillment from a bull, then her husband is diminished to a degree.
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This is tough, however it was he who wanted, who pushed, who would not let go.
Also, he who I discovered has a huge collection of porn that is hotwife, cuckold, cheating wife. Porn that also includes erotic stories, pictures of very large penises compared to small ones.
Add that he is very penis size-centric (as many men are) then my own discovery just how amazing a great girthed penis feels.
Do I think less of him? – That would be a firm YES Sexually.
Overall? – A little in the beginning but that grew. It would be untruthful to say otherwise.
If you asked him he would say the same and that he understands.
It really hits home when you are having sex with your lover/bull/f*ck buddy, who is confident, strong and in control.
In the middle of your throes of passion you look to the side and see your husband rubbing one out.
His penis is so small in comparison to that which is ….. It’s almost funny yet sad.
Our love for each other is unchanged and there is a stronger bond, better communication and I have become empowered.
This … “It’s almost funny yet sad.” … is immediately followed by this “Our love for each other is unchanged and there is a stronger bond, better communication and I have become empowered.”
It has changed, and it’s myopic to think otherwise. How it changed could very well be acceptable to you both, but your love is not unchanged.
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