Dear Husband,
I need to have a difficult conversation with you, one that comes from a place of understanding, respect, and love. It’s not easy for me to express, because I know it might sting. But I believe that we both deserve honesty, and the truth is, my desire for you has shifted.
Let me be clear: it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate you. It doesn’t even mean that I don't find you attractive in certain moments. What it means is that my sexual energy and desire have become more complex. And that’s not something I expect you to understand overnight, but I want to explain it as best as I can.
The reality is that, as women, our sexual needs and desires evolve with time. The female mind, particularly the sexual mind, doesn’t operate on the same static, linear scale that many men’s desires do. What happens is a combination of emotional, psychological, and hormonal factors that play into our sexual experiences. Over time, many women, especially those in long-term committed relationships, experience something that I think needs a more honest name: sexual stagnation.
Sexual variety, my love, is essential for most women’s continued sexual vitality. As comfortable as routine can be in other aspects of our lives, when it comes to sex, familiarity can breed complacency. It can become dull, routine, and, quite frankly, uninspiring. I think we can both acknowledge that sex can easily feel like a repetitive act that doesn't spark joy or excitement after years of doing the same thing over and over again.
Women often get to a place where they feel a lack of sexual energy, not because they don’t desire their partners, but because they no longer feel challenged or intrigued by the same old dynamic. This is part of the reason why many women, myself included, may experience a lull in sexual desire after a long period of time in a committed relationship. We crave something different. Something new. Something that reignites the fire and reminds us that we are vibrant, sexual beings.…
5
Great letter, and very well written! However, from all that I have gathered by reading more female oriented blogs aimed at cuckolding, mainly yours and listening to Venus Podcast, the majority of partners that are desirous of a cuckold relationship are men, myself included. I am hoping though, with your website getting more popular, we will see more women being exposed to this option and realizing there are other relationships available other than the monogamous kind. I’m praying that more women will be encouraged and empowered to embrace their sexuality and step into a whole new level or power.
It’s true—about one in five people who reach out to me are women interested in exploring a cuckold relationship. I believe part of the reason is that these dynamics aren’t widely normalized as an alternative to an open relationship which is likely to drive a couple apart. Additionally, there’s a lack of advocates promoting the cuckold option as path for relationship growth and change. With this letter, I had two goals in mind: first, to provide an example and some encouragement for women curious about this dynamic, and second, to give men something they can share with their partners that shows what she has to gain from it. My hope is that it not only sparks interest but also highlights the benefits women might experience, offering an advocate for her desires and needs, too.
3.5
For me this would be a hard no.
Reason. I was sexually assaulted as a child. Sex in general triggers me.
I ve been married to my current wife for 12 years we have never had any sexual relationship.
I am a Avoidant chaotic type person.
My wife is a complete saint for putting up with me. Being a cuckold would probably destroy me
I’m so sorry you went through that—no one should have to experience such trauma. But what about your wife? How does she meet her unmet sexual needs?
Twelve years is a long time, and while she clearly loves and supports you, she has needs too. Have you talked about it? Maybe non-sexual intimacy, therapy, or exploring safe compromises could help. Some couples even consider ethical non-monogamy if it aligns with their values. Your feelings matter, but so do hers do you have a path to ensure that her sexual needs are met?
We are older I’m 67 she 71.
Where my physical health is good.
Hers is not. Type 2 diabetes, back leg ankle pain. Mobility challenged.
She fell a couple of months ago I had to call the fire department to help get her up. Since I turned her down so much due to my issues. We have started sensate focus touching we will probably never have PIV. But I can go down her
Sensate focus is so wonderful, I should do another blog about it. Thanks for the reminder and I wish you both the best, thank you for being a part of the site.
Your welcome
4.5
For the record, a letter like this would not send me running for the hills.
References to “sexual autonomy”, “sexual exploration”, and “sexual expression” resonate with me. If my wife came to me with those needs and a desire to fulfill them in some way “outside the bedroom”, I think that I could handle a conversation that would lead to agreement. I would not expect the result to be a strictly cuckold situation. Some elements of a cuckold relationship may serve, but I am not comfortable with what I believe that to be as an unbalanced dynamic between us. I would want some of my own sexual expression, autonomy, and exploration through direct participation with the bull, non cuckold lifestyle participants, or separate outside partners. I feel like men have some of the same needs as women, though perhaps not at the same levels.
It depends on the context of the relationship and what, if any, conversation preceded the writing and delivery of the letter. If it came out of the blue as a result of the wife’s fantasies, then yup, see ya later. Nice knowing you.
Hopefully nothing ever comes out of the blue and both (or all three) partners are part of each other’s journeys of self discovery. Sadly I know that’s not the case – so many people are too fearful and ashamed to express intimate desires.
5
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4.5