Dear Husband,
I need to have a difficult conversation with you, one that comes from a place of understanding, respect, and love. It’s not easy for me to express, because I know it might sting. But I believe that we both deserve honesty, and the truth is, my desire for you has shifted.
Let me be clear: it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate you. It doesn’t even mean that I don’t find you attractive in certain moments. What it means is that my sexual energy and desire have become more complex. And that’s not something I expect you to understand overnight, but I want to explain it as best as I can.
The reality is that, as women, our sexual needs and desires evolve with time. The female mind, particularly the sexual mind, doesn’t operate on the same static, linear scale that many men’s desires do. What happens is a combination of emotional, psychological, and hormonal factors that play into our sexual experiences. Over time, many women, especially those in long-term committed relationships, experience something that I think needs a more honest name: sexual stagnation.
Sexual variety, my love, is essential for most women’s continued sexual vitality. As comfortable as routine can be in other aspects of our lives, when it comes to sex, familiarity can breed complacency. It can become dull, routine, and, quite frankly, uninspiring. I think we can both acknowledge that sex can easily feel like a repetitive act that doesn’t spark joy or excitement after years of doing the same thing over and over again.
Women often get to a place where they feel a lack of sexual energy, not because they don’t desire their partners, but because they no longer feel challenged or intrigued by the same old dynamic. This is part of the reason why many women, myself included, may experience a lull in sexual desire after a long period of time in a committed relationship. We crave something different. Something new. Something that reignites the fire and reminds us that we are vibrant, sexual beings.
It’s not about you, per se—it’s about the fact that sexual desire, in its deepest, most authentic form, is tied to variety, novelty, and the activation of new sexual energy. And when we’re in a relationship where that energy becomes predictable, it’s natural for us to experience a dip in that desire.
But here’s where it gets tricky: Many men, especially those who deeply love their wives, often equate a lack of sexual desire with a lack of love or value. And that’s where I think we’ve gotten things a little twisted. I am not any less in love with you because my desire for you may not be as frequent as it once was. My value for you as my husband isn’t defined solely by how much I desire you physically. You are my partner, my best friend, my confidante, and I treasure the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy we share. It is through those qualities that you are of infinite value to me, not just through sex.
But I also want to explain that I am a sexual being, and part of what excites me as a woman is the exploration of sexual energy beyond just our marriage. Let me make this very clear: this does not mean I am unhappy with you or that I wish to leave you. This isn’t about me finding someone else to replace you. It’s about finding ways to revitalize my own sense of sexual autonomy and reclaim my sexuality in a way that works for me—and for us.
When women experience sexual stagnation, it doesn’t just dull the spark in the bedroom; it can spread to other areas of life. Sexual energy, when it’s not nurtured or expressed, can drain other aspects of our lives as well. Our sense of confidence, our self-esteem, our emotional balance—all of these can be affected by a lack of sexual expression. For many women, tapping into that energy outside of the marriage can, paradoxically, bring them back to their own partner with fresh eyes, a renewed spirit, and, most importantly, a deeper connection to themselves and to their husband.
I want a cuckold marriage, a modern relationship that values my sexual energy at its very core: this is about me needing to explore and feel my own sexual autonomy. It doesn’t mean I want to be with other men constantly, or that I’m bored with you, or that I’ve lost interest in you altogether. It’s about recognizing that I am my own sexual person, and I need room to explore that outside of our conventional sexual routine. It’s a way for me to connect to my own desires in a way that we may not always be able to accomplish together, and I believe that this exploration can add life to our marriage.
I’m aware this may be a difficult concept for you to grasp. I understand that in traditional relationships, the assumption is that the wife’s sexual desire is a direct reflection of how happy and fulfilled she is in the relationship. But this is not the reality for many women in modern marriages. Our desires and our needs can shift, and it’s not a sign of failure. It’s a sign of growth. Growth that allows us to come back to you—more confident, more connected to ourselves, and, yes, more sexually alive.
The dynamic that I am proposing isn’t about taking anything away from you. It’s about giving me the freedom to explore and feel alive in a way that ultimately strengthens our bond. By embracing this, we can begin to understand that our relationship doesn’t need to be defined by rigid expectations of what sexual desire should look like. Instead, we can acknowledge that sexual autonomy—whether through variety or exploration—can breathe new life into our connection, ultimately benefiting both of us.
I also need you to understand something essential here: my feelings of attraction towards you and my sexual autonomy do not need to be mutually exclusive. The act of me engaging with my sexuality outside of our relationship is not an act of disrespect. It is simply a recognition that my desire for you is multifaceted, and sometimes that desire can be more easily activated by external factors. This is not a betrayal; it’s an opportunity for us to understand the complexity of female sexuality in a new way.
Please know that this isn’t an easy thing for me to ask of you, and I deeply appreciate your patience and understanding. I want to have a fulfilling and satisfying sex life, and I want that for you as well. But I believe that embracing sexual autonomy, freedom, and variety will allow me to explore parts of myself that, in turn, will bring more joy, excitement, and desire into our relationship.
With love, respect and admiration for the wonderful man that you are,
Your Wife
I Want a Cuckold Marriage
This is of course a fictional letter to a nonexistent husband. I have a cuckold marriage so asking for one would be highly redundant and confusing to my lovely Kev. If you don’t already have this loving dynamic, bringing up a cuckold dynamic with your loving partner can be incredibly nerve-wracking, especially when you’re unsure how he’ll react. You might find yourself pacing back and forth, wondering if he’ll think you’re dissatisfied with him or if he’ll feel hurt by the idea. There’s this looming fear that if he doesn’t fully understand where you’re coming from, it could feel like an attack on his masculinity or his role in the relationship. What if he feels inadequate? What if he thinks you’re secretly bored or unfulfilled and rejects the whole idea out of fear or insecurity? These worries can keep you up at night, because no one wants to risk their relationship or cause a fight—especially when it’s something so deeply personal to both of you. Prioritizing your needs is difficult and goes against nearly everything we are taught as women.
It’s easy to imagine the worst-case scenario: him storming off, getting defensive, or even leaving. That’s a real fear, and it’s not unfounded. If he’s unsure of his role or his worth in the relationship, it can feel like a direct challenge to everything he thought he knew about you two as a couple. But here’s the thing—if you communicate the idea with compassion, explaining that this dynamic could actually strengthen your bond and bring new dimensions of trust, passion, and closeness, it might be something he could at least consider. Acknowledge his feelings and insecurities, reassure him that your love for him remains central, and open up the conversation with patience. It’s not about replacing him—it’s about adding something that might spark new energy between you both. And if he’s not into it, that’s okay, too; the key is making sure he feels heard and respected throughout the process.
Evolving Your Conversation
- How do you feel about the concept of sexual autonomy and freedom within a marriage? Do you see it as a way to revitalize or challenge traditional boundaries?
- What are the expectations around sexual desire in your relationship, and how have they evolved over time?
- Can you identify areas of your own sexual energy that might feel stagnated, and how could you bring more variety into your own relationship dynamic?
- How do you balance your emotional connection with your partner and your need for sexual exploration or variety?
- What are some ways that couples can communicate more openly about their sexual needs without feeling threatened or judged?
Great letter, and very well written! However, from all that I have gathered by reading more female oriented blogs aimed at cuckolding, mainly yours and listening to Venus Podcast, the majority of partners that are desirous of a cuckold relationship are men, myself included. I am hoping though, with your website getting more popular, we will see more women being exposed to this option and realizing there are other relationships available other than the monogamous kind. I’m praying that more women will be encouraged and empowered to embrace their sexuality and step into a whole new level or power.
It’s true—about one in five people who reach out to me are women interested in exploring a cuckold relationship. I believe part of the reason is that these dynamics aren’t widely normalized as an alternative to an open relationship which is likely to drive a couple apart. Additionally, there’s a lack of advocates promoting the cuckold option as path for relationship growth and change. With this letter, I had two goals in mind: first, to provide an example and some encouragement for women curious about this dynamic, and second, to give men something they can share with their partners that shows what she has to gain from it. My hope is that it not only sparks interest but also highlights the benefits women might experience, offering an advocate for her desires and needs, too.
For me this would be a hard no.
Reason. I was sexually assaulted as a child. Sex in general triggers me.
I ve been married to my current wife for 12 years we have never had any sexual relationship.
I am a Avoidant chaotic type person.
My wife is a complete saint for putting up with me. Being a cuckold would probably destroy me
I’m so sorry you went through that—no one should have to experience such trauma. But what about your wife? How does she meet her unmet sexual needs?
Twelve years is a long time, and while she clearly loves and supports you, she has needs too. Have you talked about it? Maybe non-sexual intimacy, therapy, or exploring safe compromises could help. Some couples even consider ethical non-monogamy if it aligns with their values. Your feelings matter, but so do hers do you have a path to ensure that her sexual needs are met?
We are older I’m 67 she 71.
Where my physical health is good.
Hers is not. Type 2 diabetes, back leg ankle pain. Mobility challenged.
She fell a couple of months ago I had to call the fire department to help get her up. Since I turned her down so much due to my issues. We have started sensate focus touching we will probably never have PIV. But I can go down her
Sensate focus is so wonderful, I should do another blog about it. Thanks for the reminder and I wish you both the best, thank you for being a part of the site.
Your welcome
For the record, a letter like this would not send me running for the hills.
References to “sexual autonomy”, “sexual exploration”, and “sexual expression” resonate with me. If my wife came to me with those needs and a desire to fulfill them in some way “outside the bedroom”, I think that I could handle a conversation that would lead to agreement. I would not expect the result to be a strictly cuckold situation. Some elements of a cuckold relationship may serve, but I am not comfortable with what I believe that to be as an unbalanced dynamic between us. I would want some of my own sexual expression, autonomy, and exploration through direct participation with the bull, non cuckold lifestyle participants, or separate outside partners. I feel like men have some of the same needs as women, though perhaps not at the same levels.
It depends on the context of the relationship and what, if any, conversation preceded the writing and delivery of the letter. If it came out of the blue as a result of the wife’s fantasies, then yup, see ya later. Nice knowing you.
Hopefully nothing ever comes out of the blue and both (or all three) partners are part of each other’s journeys of self discovery. Sadly I know that’s not the case – so many people are too fearful and ashamed to express intimate desires.