When faith shapes your worldview, it inevitably influences how you approach your relationships and intimate life. Religion and chastity may seem to be interesting bedfellows for Christian women raised in environments that emphasize purity, fidelity, and self-control, finding harmony between faith and modern intimacy can feel like a delicate dance. If you’re a wife exploring the role of chastity devices within a marriage, particularly as a tool to align your husband’s actions with shared Christian values, this blog is here to shed light on the subject.
I grew up in a strict religious environment, and while I now identify as agnostic, my background gives me a unique perspective on the intersection of faith and intimacy. Male chastity is often a topic tied to religious values, and I frequently find myself asked how it can help bridge the gap between spiritual beliefs and marital dynamics.
Let’s explore this connection with grace, clarity, and a bible verse or two. I won't be pushing any religious opinions on you (neither pro nor anti) so you can rest assured that you can keep those intact while we evaluate the ways chastity might be able to add to your current religious views. I can't give much guidance when it comes to other religions but I invite anyone to add to this conversation with a context for faiths other than Christian.
Chastity is a recurring theme throughout the Bible, often championed as a virtue to honor oneself, one’s partner, and one’s faith. While much of scripture speaks about chastity before marriage, the principles of self-control and devotion carry over into the marital bond.
Consider 1 Thessalonians 4:4-5, which says, “That each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.” This verse encourages self-discipline and respect, two qualities central to any healthy relationship. For couples striving to align their intimacy with Christian principles, a chastity device can serve as a physical and symbolic reminder of these values.
A chastity device doesn’t just restrict; it refocuses. It prioritizes the emotional and spiritual connection over fleeting physical desires, fostering a deeper appreciation for non-sexual intimacy and acts of service within the marriage.…
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Chastity and religion has always been something that I have thought about but there seems to not be too many articles on the subject. Being a Christian man, I always wonder what God thinks about me being locked in Chastity and my wife being the leader in our relationship. Has anyone else ever thought about this? Or does anyone else have more insight on the subject?
Yes! We are very committed Christians who also deeply value female empowerment and believe God does as well (in fact when scripture is read chronologically you see a liberation Theology revealed where God is always seeking to liberate and empower women in a world that typically marginalizes and trivializes them–the same can be said with slavery and other forms of freedom, that God was always setting boundaries and breaking down evil systems to move towards complete liberation and freedom and agency/respect/love for all).
We also believe God specifically created sex to be female-centric, especially when it comes to pleasure and female orgasms. I’ll write a few more reasons why in a general comment, but we think male chastity devices should be highly encouraged in Christian marriages/relationships to refocus desire and orgasmic celebration on the female. Typically it’s the male who needs to learn discipline/restraint and to recognize he pleasures, desires and adores his wife better when his balls are kept tight and achy. And typically it’s female who hasn’t ever had permission (or hasn’t even discovered yet) to know that her sex drive and release is deeply important to God and that she deserves to orgasm frequently, powerfully and regularly.
In our marriage she orgasms much more frequently than I do (at least 5x as often) , I do not orgasm without her permission, and when she wants the penis locked. We will never go back to the coercive and backwards sexual principles we were both taught under 90s “purity culture” in the church. Not after we’ve discovered what God actually intended sex to be like. Hope that helps and is encouraging!
This is a great article, @Emma! It is hard to find solid content about male chastity/orgasm denial from a Christian perspective–which is too bad because I think the church has it backwards and should be preaching that sex is about prioritizing female sexual pleasure/release while simultaneously advocating for male discipline and semen retention (and, yes, even female-led male chastity). Your blog here does a great job exploring a few of the ways these dynamics are healthier forms of sex for a Christian couple. I’d like to add a bit to the conversation by diving a bit deeper into 3 important, but unfortunately uncommonly taught, aspects of scripture/faith which present a feminine sexual liberation Theology.
1. The Vow of Onah
This deserves a full article just in itself to unpack but in short the Vow of Onah is a vow historically a Jewish man would make on his wedding night that states that sex is a woman’s right, and not a man’s. That a husband must meet all of his wife’s needs and ensure her sexual pleasure and satisfaction is always prioritized and that he is not allowed to withhold sexual pleasure from her.
Most Christians are unaware this comes from the Torah (Genesis, Exodus and the Jewish law) and the story of Onah. The historic Jewish faith celebrated sex and did not see it as shameful. It was actually western tradition and early church leaders’ preoccupation with celibacy as a sign of “holiness” that severed even modern Christianity from this historical wisdom around sexuality which placed the emphasis and celebration upon females’ orgasmic release and not males.
https://tinaschermersellers.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/the-vow-of-onah-and-other-jewish-attitudes-about-sex/
2. 1 Corinthians 7:4b “…the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
I intentionally started with the second part of this verse because that is where it presents a radically different sexual ethic than the patriarchal time and culture of when it was written. Ironically, this verse has repeatedly been misused by the church to propagate the same patriarchal male-centric view of sex that was common then (and common now still) when it literally was preaching elevating female sexual agency and opposing male-centric sex.
The readers in Corinth at this time would have expected the first half of the verse” “the wife doesn’t have authority over her own body…” as that was the cultural messaging of the day, but the 2nd half would have shocked them as it undermined that male-centric mentality and gave at minimum equal authority to a woman to have authority over and expect sexual pleasure and satisfaction at a whim from her husband. This is one of the clearest aspects of feminine liberation theology we see in the Bible. It literally is saying Women deserve to cum and if a woman wants sexual pleasure (PIV, cunnilingus, to claim and enjoy her husband’s genitals, or sexual pleasure/orgasms in other ways, etc.) then a man MUST give it to her.
https://baremarriage.com/2022/11/1-corinthians-7-sexual-autonomy/
3. Song of Songs
The entirety of Song of Songs is a celebration of sexual pleasure and adventure, with female sexual pleasure generally, and even cunnilingus in particular, being the main emphasis!
Seriously, go read this erotic love poem which is an entire book of the Bible and full of explicit sexual metaphors. The female perspective/voice is strongest in it and there are arguably 14 references to cunnilingus alone (and only 2 to fellatio–another interesting point since 7 is the Biblical number of completeness and a woman receiving oral is presented 7 times as often as a man). The book contains pretty clear references to cunnilingus such as:
“Awake, north wind; and come, you south! Blow on my garden, that its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and taste his precious fruits.” (4:13)
“I would lead you, bringing you into my mother’s house, who would instruct me. I would have you drink spiced wine, of the juice of my pomegranate.” (8:2)
There are also numerous other references to feeding on the garden, tasting of spices, honey, myrrh (all innuendos to her feminine arousal). In many places the woman is inviting and speaking of her desire and love for receiving oral and in others the man is speaking of his craving and the privilege of getting to lick/taste!
https://explorethefaith.com/song-of-songs/
There’s a lot more to unpack here but I was trying to keep these summaries (relatively, haha) brief. 🙃