Hi Emma,
My name is Raul. I’ve been following your website for some time, and I’ve found a lot of comfort in the things you write. My wife and I have a cuckold and humiliation-based dynamic, which we’ve been building for a while. The thing is, while our sex life is active, there’s something that’s been on my mind lately. You often mention the importance of a strong sexual foundation outside of the dynamic, and I’ve been thinking a lot about that.
To be honest, we don’t really have that. The only way my wife can feel any sexual attraction toward me is through humiliating me—whether her bull is there or not. I enjoy it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also left me wondering if this is truly all there is. I’m typically locked for most of the week, much like your husband, and she has a very high sex drive. So often, she’ll ask me to stand by the bed while she plays with her vibrator, talking down to me and making humiliating comments about my size or how I can’t fulfill her needs. It’s hard on my self-esteem, but I’ve learned to accept that it’s where we are right now.
Our sex life has never been great, honestly. I’m only about 4 inches erect, and she’s told me she doesn’t really feel much with me in that way. So, we don’t do PIV, and I’ve come to accept that too. What worries me is that I’ve somehow come to link her dissatisfaction with our sex life to my own arousal. When she humiliates me, it turns me on—especially when she’s with her bull. I know she enjoys being dominated by him, and part of me feels glad she’s able to explore that side of herself. But, if I’m honest, it also hurts because I know I’m not the man she’s sexually attached to anymore.
So here’s my question: is it enough for the cuckold fantasy to be the foundation of our sex life? Is it okay that we don’t have a baseline of sexual activity between us that isn’t tied to this dynamic? I’m worried that we might be missing something important, but at the same time, I can’t imagine not feeling that arousal when she’s with him. It’s a strange feeling, but it’s what turns me on, and I don’t know how to navigate this.
Thank you for your insight, Emma. I really appreciate the work you do and how much I’ve learned from your blog. It’s sparked many deep conversations between us, and I’m grateful for that.…
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