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Hi, I’m Jessica — a wife, a hotwife, and someone who has fully embraced the beautiful journey of a female-led, cuckold relationship. I’m in my late 30s and happily married to Martin, a devoted, self-aware man who has come to not only love but thrive in his role as a cuckold.
I’m so incredibly thankful for Emma and the thoughtful, empowering blogs she writes. Honestly, many of her articles feel like she’s narrating chapters of my own life. It’s rare to find a space that gets it — the complexity, the love, the surrender, the power, the fire — and Emma captures it all.
I’ve poured my heart (and some of my wildest nights) into my writing. Diary of a Cuckold is deeply personal — it’s erotic, raw, emotional, and very much based on my real experiences with Martin. If you’ve ever wondered what this dynamic feels like from the inside — from my side — I think you’ll find a lot to connect with.
And I’m thrilled to offer my book, Diary of a Cuckold, to the readers here. If you enjoy what you read, I’d love if you would check out this title and more of my work.
Just getting started with this series? Check out Part 1
April 3
Back in Germany. I secretly looked for traces of Christian – but found nothing. I don’t know whether I’m disappointed or reassured.
But of course we don’t want to rush into anything – it’s just my mind that wants more.
April 6
Jessy has decided that the penis cage I’ve been using is too big. It feels strange to write that, but she’s right: in everyday life, when there’s no erection pressing against the cage walls, my penis is significantly smaller than the cage. She has bought a new one, a smaller one that is barely bigger than a walnut.
I can’t deny that it shames me to admit this, but the humiliation I feel is exhilarating in a confusing way. My self-image as a CEO is in such stark contrast to what I experience here at home – I enjoy it.
“Martin, I want you to concentrate fully on your sensations,” Jessy said as she put the new cage on me. Her voice was gentle but firm and I couldn’t help but submit to her wishes. “It’s important that you learn to find freedom even in confinement.”
The new cage is actually more comfortable, even if it sounds paradoxical. I can’t even get the beginnings of an erection; my penis has shrunk to the size of a walnut. It’s a constant reminder of my submission to Jessy’s wishes. And yet, I’m ashamed to admit it, but it also gives me a strange form of security.
“You see, Martin? That’s much better. You don’t always have to be so strong. Here you can let go,” she whispered as she locked the cage and I felt… small, but also safe in a way.
I know that I couldn’t share this with anyone. No one would understand. Everyone would only want to see the cool, calculating businessman who runs a company. But here, within these four walls, I am her husband and open to the guidance of the woman I love.
April 9
Today was a good day.
Jessy and I slept together, intense and yet so different from before. Again with the sleeve, again she moaned Christian’s name. It was as if we were riding a wave of passion and the forbidden, taking us further and further away from the safe shores of our previous marriage.
After we were lying next to each other, exhausted, she started a conversation.
“Martin, what’s going on inside you? What do you feel when I do these things, when I challenge you like this?”
I swallowed. It was both easy and difficult for me to admit how much I enjoyed the humiliation. How much I loved letting myself fall.
“When Christian was here and spent the night over there, when I saw you laughing… it was… a sharp pain, but at the same time… it was also excitement.”
Jessy took my hand, her fingers stroking my skin.
“And the photo? The photo with… the hands around a stranger’s cock… What did you feel?”
I closed my eyes, remembering the moment when the picture on my cell phone lit up. Was it her hands? I still didn’t know.
“It stoked a fire in me,” I said, “a desire that I can’t turn off.”
I felt her smiling next to me.
“And if I moan a different name during sex, if I think of Christian, if I talk about your little cock… what then, Martin?”
I felt my throat go dry as I struggled to answer. Admitting how aroused I was was humiliating – but I didn’t want to go back.
“It’s humiliating, yes. But it’s a sweet torture that I crave. It’s like it sets me free, Jessy. Like it’s taking me to a part of me that I don’t know yet – but that is most definitely a part of me.”
Jessy leaned her head on my shoulder. “We’re on this journey together, darling. You can always say stop, always.”
I nodded, but inside I knew I wasn’t ready to say the word. “I want more, Jessy. I want to see how far we can go, how far you can go. It sounds insane, but I want to see it… you with someone else.”
She looked at me, a smile playing around her lips, a promise, an adventure. “We have time, Martin. We’re not going to rush things.”
It sounded as if she was already planning the next step.
April 15
What an evening. I’m glad I’m keeping this diary, because in a week’s time at the latest I’d be telling myself I’d dreamt the experiences of that evening.
Jessy had invited her friend Doro, the teacher, over for dinner while I was still in my study, engrossed in the numbers and reports from VelocityRoll Systems. I was so engrossed in my work that I hardly noticed the time passing. Through the silence of my concentration, the voices and laughter of the two women reached me. I was pleased that Jessy was enjoying herself. We were both doing incredibly well at the moment.
Later, I heard Jessy calling for me. Her laughter sounded different than usual – exuberant and yet somehow… nervous? I closed my Macbook, rubbed my stiff neck and walked into the dining room with a pounding heart. There they sat, looking at me as if they were expecting a performance, as if I were the lead act in a play I didn’t even know the script for.
“Yes?” I asked impartially.
Jessy played with this key, the little metal key that has been hanging around her neck for weeks. My key. The key to my penis cage. “Doro asked me what kind of key it is,” she said.
I could feel myself blushing, the heat flooding my cheeks and my heart beating against my chest. There was an excited tugging in my stomach, a mixture of shame and forbidden lust.
“I told her, Martin,” Jessy said, and her voice was a sweet venom coursing through my veins. “Doro doesn’t believe me, of course.”
Doro looked at me, her eyes sparkling with curiosity and something else… Mockery perhaps? Or was it just my insecurity whispering that to me? “Is it true?” she asked, and I could hear the doubt in her voice.
I stood paralyzed, unable to answer, unable to move. Then, in a voice that was barely more than a whisper, Jessy said, “Show her.”
I… I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. But at the same time, there was this part of me that wanted it, that found the thought of it arousing. Jessy picked up her wine glass and waved it in my direction as if she were making a toast. “Come on, Martin. Show Doro that you’re under my control.”
I would never have thought that I would feel so… at her mercy. With trembling hands, I opened my pants and revealed the small penis cage she had put on me. The small one of all things! I wanted to sink into the floor.
Doro looked at me with wide eyes, put down her wine glass and slowly approached me. “This is… incredible,” she whispered, and I couldn’t help but feel even smaller. I was paralyzed, couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. “Can I be a little more specific…?” Her voice was quiet, almost reverent. I didn’t respond, but Jessy gave her permission, which I couldn’t say.
Doro came closer, knelt down in front of me and looked closely at the cage. “I love it,” she said in amazement, and I felt a wave of shame wash over me. But at the same time, there was this strange excitement, a tingling sensation that I couldn’t deny. Blood rushed to my cock and I could feel it straining in vain against the cage. She reached out and ran her index finger over the material and I felt her skin against my best part. Her hand was warm and I was ashamed of the trembling I couldn’t suppress. She became bolder, now feeling the shape curiously, reaching for the cage and turning it from left to right. A wet, glistening drop glistened at the tip and betrayed my excitement.
“Go ahead,” I heard Jessy say, and then I felt Doro’s mouth on the cage. It was as if an electric shock was running through me. I felt her tongue through the cage, moaning loudly even though I didn’t want to, fighting the urge to pull her to me. I wanted to be in control, wanted to guide her and shove the cage, my cock deep into her mouth, but I restrained myself. I had no control here. I was an object of her curiosity, her lust.
I feel so exposed, so vulnerable. And yet, in the midst of the embarrassment and shame, there’s this part of me that? that loves it? Had she continued, I would have orgasmed. Cage or no cage, I would have squirted my juice into her mouth, I was so aroused.
I know I’ll wake up tomorrow and pretend everything is normal. But how can it be, after an evening like this? I feel like an actor in a strange, dark play that I can neither understand nor control.
I have to sleep now, but I doubt I’ll get any rest. These images, sounds, the feel of Doro’s mouth… it will haunt me. And the worst thing is, I don’t even know if I want it to stop.
