Ask Emma: My husband is in the friendzone. Is it possible that our marriage has just run its course?

Ask Emma: My husband is in the friendzone. Is it possible that our marriage has just run its course?

Hi Jessica!

Thanks for your email. I know this must be hard for you, I feel like I can hear the trepidation in your email. As you pointed out, it sounds like you've put your husband into the friend zone and that can be tough waters to navigate especially for a married couple.

The friend zone is a place where you get along with someone but there is no spark. Think about a sibling or parent whom you connect with emotionally but taking the jump to physical isn't at all enticing. There is no spark and no flutter as you noted. This guy is part of your support network but there is no arousal, no butterflies and no yearning for sexual contact or intimate touch. You may ask for a massage or backrub but it is always just that.

Are your displays of love and affection robotic? Do you say "I love you" out of habit? When he says he loves you, do you instinctively say that you love him back? Do you feel like you are taken for granted? Do you feel like you take him for granted or perhaps that he owes you something for sticking around and being his wife? Do you still flirt with each other? Perhaps you overshare and don't make an effort to be presentable for each other anymore. Do you cough, pass gas, blow your nose or even laugh about these things together without even the slightest attempt to hide them? The biggest one, do you use the restroom with the door open?

There, you said it. Could it be that your husband is truly not a good lover or do you simply thrive on the newness. Would you have married him initially if he wasn't a good lover? Does sex with the same partner get boring over time? Do women get bored with the same man over time? The fact is you can’t generalize the sexual boredom and preferences of all genders. Every one of us has predisposition to sexual boredom and both genders experience it but women are more predisposed to it.

Marta Meana of the University of Nevada at Las Vegas spelled it out by saying. “Long-term relationships are tough on desire, and particularly on female desire." To love is to have but desire is to want and even need something that you don't have. This is why desire fades in a long term relationship; because you already have it. Esther Perel says in her book Mating in Captivity "the qualities of a relationship that grow love – mutuality, protection, safety, predictability, protection, responsibility for the other – are the very things that will smother desire." and she is correct. These things all enhance love and reduce the uncertainty and novelty that drive desire.…

LoopLok: What Does a Lock on a Beltloop Mean?

LoopLok: What Does a Lock on a Beltloop Mean?

Have you see people walking around town with locks on their beltloop? Have you wondered just what in tarnation those are about? Look no further, we will unfold the details of the looplok craze. The latest craze in the male chastity community is a lock on the beltloop known as the looplok. The lock is the male equivalent of the key necklace and signifies that the male is locked up in a male chastity device. Since public display of genitals locked in a chastity device is generally frowned upon, this allows a couple to proudly display their commitment to each other in a public manner. While a looplok is certainly not necessary to participate in male chastity, it is often something that couples take a great deal of pride in.

Before you can understand looplok, you need to first have an understanding of male chastity. This is a practice of male partners freely offering control of their genitals to their partner. While wearing a chastity device, erections are uncomfortable and penile stimulation is severely limited. PIV (penis in vagina) sex is generally impossible due to the device. Male chastity is often a symbolic gesture that accompanies a female led relationship (FLR).

Couples can be interested in male chastity for many reasons really but the biggest reason is to show commitment and submission within the partnered relationship. I've got plenty of blogs on this site about the benefits for both men and women in a committed relationship but a general overview is that it changes the power dynamic. Willful sacrifice of wearing a device can be endearing and strengthening for a relationship and can also be a cure for unhealthy masturbation habits within a relationship.

Male chastity is also a great way to help couples with male ejaculation/orgasm challenges. A lock can give emotional and psychological control to allow for some fun behavior modification. Does he cum too quick or does he take to long? A cage can help him learn the appropriate time for arousal and operant conditioning can help delay his ejaculation until she is done or at least extend it.

There are all sorts of colors and flavors of cock cages. Pink, stainless steel, black, white, plastic; the variations are seemingly endless. Some of them have padlocks while others have internal locks of some kind but the overarching theme is that the device inhibits the ability for a person equipped with male genitals to manually stimulate their penis.

Some couples like to share their locked status as a source of pride in their relationship. Not every couple carries this dynamic and many couples are very proud that they've established something unique in their relationship. Male chastity is a big deal and a large part of a relationship dynamic and sometimes it is nice to share this with others. While it is clearly inappropriate to display one's genitals in most public settings, the looplok and key necklace are ways that one couple can share with others in a safe manner. If you know, you know. If you don't, you google it and end up here. …

Post-Nut Humiliation: The Perfect Time to Play with Emotions

Post-Nut Humiliation: The Perfect Time to Play with Emotions

Post nut clarity is time when sexual arousal decreases after an orgasm. That clear feeling after he lets loose of his juice and he is in a temporary psychological state that occurs due to the release of endorphins, dopamine and prolactin. This is the one time when he "cums to his senses" and his sexual arousal doesn't cloud his emotions. He is no longer focused on achieving sex, he is able to think about non-sex things and often finds things revolting that he found incredibly arousing just moments before. This is a wonderful and potentially dangerous time to play with some raw emotions. As with all things sexual, make sure that you keep the lines of communication open and stop any teasing play immediately if he utters the safe word. The Japanese have a word for post-nut clarity, "KenjaTaimu" which directly translates to wisdom time. For this one, there isn't much available online so I'll do something that I haven't done much as late and share some anecdotes from the EvolvingYourMan palace .

Just a few nights ago, Kev was delightfully unlocked and standing beside the bed. I laid on the bed and played with myself for him to enjoy. It didn't take long before his little guy spat out a little batch of swimmers into his cupped hand. We will get back to what happened to the contents of his hand in a later section but for now lets move on to the teasing portion of today's presentation.

Teasing is incredibly arousing and if you are new to the site, you will quickly learn that we do a fair amount of it in our home. I went through a nice little script of SPH teasing including reminding him that he will never satisfy me with his little guy and his inferior penis is that's why I have a need to have a boyfriend (more on that some other time). His reaction was notably different after his orgasm since he wasn't masking other emotions with the fog of arousal. Those raw emotions were exposed and he confirmed that he felt shame and humiliation because of his sexual inadequacy. Arousal is a comfort blanket that turns the teasings into an arousal mechanism. I asked him to sit on his hands and watch as I pleasured myself or orgasm with my lovely purple toy. As I pleasured myself I gave him reminders of why I was pleasuring myself instead of allowing him to do it with his little inadequate penis. After I had an orgasm, I told him to come closer use his tongue to bring me to another orgasm. I laid back and thanked him for bringing me pleasure and requested that he lock himself back up in his cage.

This one is only really possible in the post-nut world. For many men, the idea of licking up cum is deeply arousing until the moment that their body expels said fluid. From that point forward, it is a gross idea that they wouldn't consider. Getting your fella to agree to clean himself up isn't difficult but getting him to follow through with it can be much more difficult because the rules that govern his arousal change. In the story in the previous section, Kev's outstretched cupped hand collected his goo and he looked the contents of his hand and back at me. I didn't break eye contact, nodded my head and responded, "yes love". To which he took the contents of his cupped hand and emptied it into his mouth, licking his bare hand to not leave any stranded swimmers. It hasn't always been this easy, in fact it was a bit of a struggle the first few times we tried this. He would agree to it prior to orgasm but try to renege on his commitment shortly after the fountain flowed. I like the taste of cum and I don't mind swallowing but I think guys are wired to a certain level of disgust or disdain for their juice after they expel it from their bodies. In any case, this is a great one because it takes some build up and can eventually desensitize them to this practice. Now it doesn't take much of anything and cleanup is a breeze when he self-cleans. The expectation is that he cleans himself up 100% of the time because it has been proven to improve your mood and acts as a natural antidepressant. The ingredients of his special juice cocktail include endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotropin-releasing hormone, serotonin and last but not least, melatonin. Swallowed semen is digested the same way as food and it is composed of sugar, sodium, citrate, zinc, chloride, calcium, lactic acid, magnesium, potassium and urea. Almost identical contents to the multivitamin that he takes daily.

Orgasm denial is a great relationship tool that we discuss frequently but what about self-denial due to sexual exhaustion? During our weekly releases, we've played with sex doll humiliation until he finishes three or even four times with his Fleshlight or doll. Once he is sexually depleted, "out of rounds in the chamber", exhausted and unable to perform with his lovely doll, I enthusiastically offer myself to him. Since denial is due to his own inability to continue to perform, it can be incredibly frustrating when he inevitably turns me down and an entirely different dynamic than our typical cock cage orgasm denial. This is a fun type of role play because I can beg him to fuck me and tell him how much I need him which builds on and redirects that frustration onto himself and his own inadequacy or inability. Men are multi-orgasmic but only to a certain extent at which point they either are unable to get erections or ejaculate due to exhaustion. This is great ejaculation training and a fun game to see how many deposits your fella is capable of. A good book or a movie may be good options to keep you entertained while he builds his stamina and cardio through his ejaculatory efforts. You don't really need to stay overly engaged while he does his thing. You can give him rewards for high scores and you can post your scores in the comments below; our best effort is five. Be prepared that depletion denial can take some time especially as he gets more exhausted and frustrated.

We love pegging and the build-up of sexuality that it creates for him but what about after he cums? Pegging for him is about intimacy and submission but it too is covered with the fog of arousal. When pegging him, much of our play is based upon his enjoyment of backdoor and prostate pleasure but sometimes we add a bit of humiliation to the mix. Things like "if you were more of a man, you would be fucking me but your face is buried in the pillow because you are my little bitch" and "some men fuck their wives but look at you, moaning like a whore as I fuck your cute little ass." Pegging for us is a very sensual and loving thing but sometimes we like to step outside that boundary and some humiliation on with my dildo. This is also a great opportunity for "forced" feminization, humiliation, submission or role-play.…

Ten Ways to Practice Female Led Relationships Outside of the Bedroom

Ten Ways to Practice Female Led Relationships Outside of the Bedroom

On this glorious site we go over female led relationships (FLR) and the focus is in the bedroom but what about the other 95% of the time when we aren't in the bedroom. How does the female led relationship extend outside of the room that contains the bed? While we do practice a FLR we are on the lighter side of that world and we do not practice everything that I describe below but we've got a cocktail that works for us. If you have anything to add, please do so in the comments below or on the forum.

  1. Food & Fitness
    You know better what he should be eating and what he shouldn't, you can either require that he ask permission before he orders "may I order the burger or would you prefer that I have the salad" or you can simply order for him. Not only does this help ensure healthier eating habits but it establishes dominance over something that is a simple every-day task. Additionally you can have him wear a fitness tracker to watch over his daily fitness and ensure that you have an attractive, healthy and physically fit partner. Sometimes we all need a little extra nudge to keep our fitness in check!
  2. Location & Check-Ins
    Use an app to know his location at all times. Rather than asking what time he will be home, ask him "how much longer will you be at the post office" or "I see you are on the freeway, no stops on the way please. Come directly home." If you choose to not use a tracker app, text him and ask him where he is often. Alternatively you can ask him to check in with you describing his location and what he is doing frequently while he is out. When driving in the car together, consider being the driver as it puts you in ultimate control of the destination and the path that you choose to get there. It is considered by many for the male driving to be chivalrous. I'd argue that it might be more dominant to drive and submissive to be a passenger.
  3. Household Finances
    Do you have a joint bank account? Separate accounts? Consider canceling his account and moving everything into your name. You can even remove his name from the account so you can share account and whichever financial details that you choose to.
  4. Social Media
    I find the couples accounts annoying so I don't recommend that. Rather, I suggest that you use your own phone number and security questions for password resets. Also ask that he share his passwords with you.
  5. Punishment
    Buy a safe or remote locking device so you can remove some of his things when he needs punishment. It can certainly be an inconvenience to lose access to car keys, phone, Xbox controllers, cookies/treats or tv remote controls.
  6. Grooming
    Choose the type of hairstyle and facial hair that you prefer on him. You can even go with him to the hairstylist and speak directly to the stylist and leave him out of that conversation completely.
  7. Self Improvement
    It can be difficult to take initiative to better ones self but why not enroll him in classes that will make both of your lives more enjoyable. Cooking, massage and even gardening come to mind. In this vein, male chastity comes to mind. A long term male chastity regimen can also be a great part of self improvement to help harness sexual desire and bring sexual motivation and drive into different areas of the relationship.
  8. Alone Time
    Install some sort bracket in your basement, back yard, walk in closet or even a corner of your bedroom that you can use to tie him to. It doesn't take much and that sort of thing can be easy to explain away so it doesn't need to be obscured from view when you have guests over. We have a small eyehole bracket in our bedroom closet which is great for that purpose. The walk-in closet door can be open or closed.
  9. Punishment & Correction
    We are new to punishment and correction however many couples find this to be an essential part of a female led relationship. When you think of punishment, you probably think of spankings and so did I. Punishment can be chores, corner time, or even lockup and contemplative time. Kev and I recently purchased a very fun pillory which allows him to be firmly locked with a chain to the eyehole bracket that I mentioned in alone time section.
  10. Humiliation
    One of our favorite ways to promote a healthy female led relationship is through sexual humiliation. Humiliation can be hurtful but it can also be extremely sexy when a couple works together to figure out "where the line is" and how to make it a sexy adventure into the world of playful feelings without those feelings turning dark.

All of these things can seem controlling and manipulative so it is important that you use lots of positive reinforcement, appreciation and compliments to counteract any negativity that these might imply. It is also important that many things in the world of dominance and submission can be misconstrued as an invasion of privacy and trust. This is NOT a substitute for trust and communication as those things should exist in a healthy relationship prior to venturing anywhere else.

Do you practice domestic discipline? If so, please reach out in the comments as we are considering another foray into this exciting part of many female led relationships.

Identify The Motivations behind your Non-Monogamy

Identify The Motivations behind your Non-Monogamy

Non-monogamy, also known as consensual non-monogamy or ethical non-monogamy, refers to the practice of having multiple simultaneous sexual or romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties. We all know the definition but why do we do what (or who) we do? The concept of non-monogamy is relatively new for us and we've been exploring the "lifestyle" as it were. As many of you have noted, we've been exploring more and I've been blogging less. My apologies for the spaced out blogs. I won't commit to things getting better anytime soon because I won't blog simply to post new content. For me, this site is about self discovery and the blogs help me sort things out for myself. You as my lovely reader are able to see the wheels turn in my head and many of you choose to leave comments that are very helpful for me to sort things out.

Do you crave forming new emotional and intimate connections with others? You aren't alone, many of us have an innate need to build new bonds with others to aid in personal growth and self discovery. This helps us better understand our own desires, boundaries and preferences. Many of us desire or crave sexual variety or novelty and this is often a core motivation for non-monogamy. Exploring different relationships and sexual dynamics can help couples avoid stagnation and boredom that can arise from long term monogamy. New and exciting relationship dynamics that aren't feasible with traditional monogamous relationships allow you to engage in activities that spit in the face of cultural norms. Our society encourages customization and an alternative framework that extends to relationships, you want it your way and non-monogamy allows this.

Monogamous relationships have an average shelf life of 8-12 years. Beyond that, couples need to look outside the box if they wish to extend the resilience and longevity of their relationship. Non-monogamy can provide an alternative approach to relationships that allow for new sources of support and alleviate pressure and expectations of the primary relationship that can lead to relationship dissatisfaction.

Clearly only you and your partner can come to terms with the specific reasons for this in your relationship but it is important to hone in on the reasons before going down a path that could have disastrous consequences. Did your husband broach the topic of non-monogamy? Does he want to see you with another man? Did your wife bring up hotwifing? Does she want to explore with other couples? Perhaps she wants you to long for her while she experiences the physical prowess of another man.

Over time we lose some of the key tenets of sexuality including animalistic desire. I for one, love knowing that my partner wants to ravish my body and quite literally tear my clothes from my body. When my Kev is watching me with another partner, I can see that look in his eyes. I can see the pain of knowing that another man is taking what is "his". While the concept of sexual ownership is considered problematic, it is very real and part of our psychology so I'm going to give myself a pass here but feel free to object if you like.

This extends to both sides of the aisle depending completely on the needs of the couple. If the man has the need for carnal desire of a woman, hothusbanding and cuckquean are terms that refer to the opposite of a cuckold or hotwife. …

SDH: The Joys of Sex Doll & Fleshlight Humiliation

SDH: The Joys of Sex Doll & Fleshlight Humiliation

Using a sex doll in the bedroom is typically considered a thing to do in the absence of a partner but what about including a sex doll with your partner as an element of humiliation. Sex dolls, pocket pussies and Fleshlights are not a humiliating experience in and of themselves but when you combine them with elements of humiliation in your relationship, they can be quite fun and entertaining. This borders greatly on small penis humiliation and other types of humiliation but since it relies heavily on a sex doll, it wraps many of those elements into one exciting new relationship wrinkle. This is all neatly packaged into a broader overarching concept of husbation.

Humiliation can be a escape from reality and while it may seem unconventional or uncomfortable to some, it can be highly arousing to others especially in the context of adding new excitement for long term partners. The appeal of erotic humiliation can vary from person to person, but here are some factors that may contribute to its appeal for some individuals; power dynamics, emotional intensity, taboo, transgression, emotional release, trust and intimacy. In fact, 37% of respondents in this Harvard study stated that they have engaged in a role play fantasy of some kind. Fetishes are a healthy form of self expression that couples can enjoy together. That's right, fetishes like humiliation are healthy and a great outlet to build and support the foundation of intimacy in your relationship. Repressing sexual fetishes can generally be more harmful than expressing fetishes in a safe environment.

Some reasons that your partner may find humiliation arousing:

  • Giving control
  • Taking control over an insecurity
  • Immersing ones self and eliminating distractions
  • Working through sexual inhibitions
  • Arousal through trust and vulnerability
  • Mental, emotional, and physical release after stress
  • A feeling of mental and/or social rewards
  • Knowing they are still loved even if humiliated

The first step is to purchase a sex doll or toy and they vary in price from very inexpensive (under $50) to very expensive (thousands). I would highly recommend starting small and building on that if you enjoy the sex toy humiliation role playing. We select a small sex doll with a torso and breasts but you can go as small as a Fleshlight which is portable and easily concealed for storage or discretion. We don't have much experience in this area but from the reviews I've seen the heavier the better is typically the rule. Also make sure that you use the correct type of lube to not break down your sex doll. You should absolutely not use any lubes that are oil based, they will destroy the material.

So you've selected a toy, and now on we need to pick out a name. He should not select a name, you should select a name for him. I just googled "stripper names" and got a very nice selection. Ours is named Crystal, we don't know anyone with that name and she has a sexy appeal to her name so we went with it! Remember that Crystal is your sex slave and will do all of the sexual things that you don't want to do and thanks to Crystal no longer need to do anymore.…

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