Interpersonal relationships are complex and many of us will agree that marriage is an outdated construct. That doesn't have to mean that partnering with another individual with the intention of having a fulfilling and enduring love must also be outdated. Partnerships can work and couples create their own rules to set their relationship up for success. I think most of us would consider ourselves emotionally monogamous people but even in the best emotional relationship we often yearn for more. We can squash those feelings down and suppress them or we can embrace them. If we squash them down, they will fester and those repressed feelings will come out in other ways such as resentment or anger toward our partner. The reality is that women as a whole are told that they are the standard of sexuality but not allowed to do anything with it. We simply cannot and should not accept this as reality or as a cultural norm.

Human males have evolved over time to have and prefer multiple sex partners; short term hookups to better spread their seed. Women on the other hand search for emotional security in a partner while still exploring short term hookups with sexually virile mates once they have that "safe harbor" emotional connection with a partner. The safe harbor partner fulfills a need of protection especially during pregnancy and post child birth. Subconsciously we divide men in our lives into two groups, those who will be the emotional partner/safe harbor and those who will be the short term hookups. Those roles can change with different partners and as we age but we see potential suitors in those two roles and it vastly changes the attributes we look in a mate. Kindness, amiability and intelligence? You are likely in the emotional connection group. Cocky and arrogant, you might be the latter? You may not have trouble finding short term hookups but might struggle with long term committed relationships.

Newness, or novelty, plays an enormous role in female arousal. The excitement and unpredictability of being with a new partner can increase sexual interest and excitement. Arousal and desire are complex and can be influenced by many factors, including emotional and psychological connection, physical attraction, and individual experiences and preferences. Every woman is different so the impact of newness on female arousal can vary greatly from one woman to the next. Ultimately, what is most important is that women feel comfortable, safe, and respected in their sexual experiences.

Women are attracted to novel mates, or mates who are new and different from their current partners. This idea is sometimes referred to as "mate switching." Some research suggests that women may be more likely to seek out new partners when they are in the fertile phase of their menstrual cycle, when hormonal changes may influence their preferences for novel partners. As a evolutionary benefit related to reproduction, the female body seeks out new mates to fulfill her reproductive needs. Of course with birth control and contraception we prevent this but capitalizing on those most fertile periods with new exciting sexual adventures is key to the fulfillment and enjoyment of sexual novelty.

However, it is important to note that sexual preferences and behavior are complex and can be influenced by a wide range of individual, cultural, and societal factors. Additionally, what is considered "novel" can vary greatly from person to person. Not all women may crave mate novelty, and many may be perfectly satisfied with long-term, committed relationships. Some women way shift in mate/mating preference from one season in their life to another. Women in their early 40's especially those who have not yet borne children often feel a resurgence in sexual energy as their body reminds them that their biological clock is ticking. This is of course subconscious and completely separate from the desire to have a child.

As women we often see problems our sex life being indicators of problems in the relationship but many times those problems in the sex life are just that. We lack new and creative sexual fulfillment. We've found that new sexual experiences often enhance the relationship. Common therapist wisdom says that if you fix the relationship the sex will follow but what if sex was the underpinnings of the problem in the first place. When I am sexually unfulfilled, I bring components of that deficiency back into our relationship as criticism and resentment toward my husband. It is then difficult for me to pinpoint my frustration from the laundry not being done or the bed that isn't made to unmet yearnings in my nether regions.…

Hi Anonymous Man Evolver! This is a wonderful story and it mirrors experiences and thoughts I've had. That acceptance and affirmation is comforting, heartwarming and removes guilt and relationship anxiety completely. I too agree that reclaiming is important because it shows both partners true acceptance and a deep love. It should be stated that reclaiming and reconnecting are very different. Reclaiming is a typically sexual act which is done to take back the sexual energy while reconnecting as a mostly emotional experience of the couple coming back together and finding their strength. That is not to say that reconnecting is not physical, in my relationship it typically is.

In the hotwife or cuckold world, the female loans herself to another for the purpose of her sexual satisfaction. Note that it should be very clear that the man is not loaning the woman, she is not his property. She is loaning her sexuality to another man with the understanding and consent of her husband. While this may seem like a small detail, it is an important distinction to make.

Reclaiming consists of the male being sexual with the female to bring the focus of sexual energy back to the primary couple. Now this is purely psychological and the female was never truly owned by another while she was away. In fact, I find myself thinking of Kev often while I am playing with others, it is only natural for my mind to drift. The concept of reclaiming is interesting and I'd argue not necessary for all couples depending on the dynamic and level of comparability with the situation. New couples should absolutely practice reclaiming as it reasserts the male's claim and will be a wonderful way to reduce anxieties surrounding a new sexual dynamic.

More seasoned couples may still wish to reclaim however it might seem less and less important as time goes on. This is in contrast to reconnecting and aftercare which are far more important. It is interesting that reclaiming in your message was oral. Reclaiming is typically vanilla sex, missionary position and just a simple reminder of the primary bond. It may be oral in your situation due to the presence of ED but I think him placing his mouth where your lover's parts had been is a beautiful affirmation of acceptance. Reclaiming shows that things between the couple remain constant and unchanged despite whatever happened and will bring much confidence back to even the most questioning of partners. Reclaiming isn't just for the man, it is wonderful for the wife as well. While she may have been satisfied by another, allowing an additional sexual experience from her husband will bring security and affirmation of love from her primary partner. Reclaiming for some couples may be the only way allow both partners to fully enjoy their cuckold/hotwife type experiences.

For scenarios where an ejaculation happened inside of her, the proximity of the male to the other man's seed may be deeply arousing. For other men, they may choose to wear a condom to prevent fluid contact. Others may choose to do oral sex in this sort of situation to clean the woman up prior to penetrative sex. Regardless of method, reclaiming should be about reclaiming intimacy and shifting emotional energy and not about reclaiming you as an object that is passed from one man to another. You are of course not an object to be passed around but a beautiful human full of desires and feelings.

Reclaiming and aftercare for some couples may be as important as the rules they establish with the sexual experience. The fact that you stated your husband's reclaiming was more pleasurable than the experience with your boyfriend is especially poignant. While it might not be the case every time, this is a strong reminder of just how big of a part of sex is emotional. Don't forget your emotional needs everybody!…