In countless previous blogs, I've discussed the merits of separating sex from ejaculation. I've received comments that make it seem impossible but it really isn't that difficult. The problem is getting started and changing what you've taken for granted all of these years.
Soaking is an interesting concept of inserting a penis into a vagina and waiting until it gets flaccid or your bedroom pal needs to pull it out to prevent accidental spillage. So what do you do while you and your guy friend are all intertwined? You talk. You touch each other. You do everything aside from thrusting and poking and bouncing.
It really isn't that crazy. Talking is that thing the two of you did while you were getting to know each other and it really shouldn't be too much more awkward now that you are up in each other's personal space.
If your guy is new to the idea, talk about bills, chores or holiday plans to help keep his mind distracted. Start off slow and work your way to sexual or erotic conversation. If he is a seasoned pro, you can rub each other's shoulders and connect on a more sensual level.
The point is to feel the deep physical connection that PIV sex provides while working to separate the end-goal of ejaculation from sex. Sure, sex can end with ejaculation sometimes but it shouldn't be the expectation and his penile eruption shouldn't be the focus of your experience together.…
I LOVE this Emma. I’ve never heard of it until now but what a great way to have intimate, one-on-one, alone, sexy time together.
This is going to get printed on paper and go to the very top of the list of articles that I read to Ms K. in bed every Sunday morning.
“The point is to feel the deep physical connection that PIV sex provides while working to separate the end-goal of ejaculation from sex. Sure, sex can end with ejaculation sometimes but it shouldn’t be the expectation and his penile eruption shouldn’t be the focus of your experience together.”
During our sex, it is rare that it ends with being ejaculating. Ms. K. is a studious believer of orgasm control and semen retention. That said, the sex we have is the most incredible sex I have ever been involved with in my entire life, precisely because our sex isn’t focused on my orgasm or ejaculation. Well, sometimes it is purposeful ruined orgasm which includes ejaculation and NO orgasm for me. Orgasms for her? Absolutely and always … each time … without exception.
Because of our orgasm control and semen retention style of sex, I have evolved (see what I did there?) to absolutely cherish the mere feeling of being inside of her. It’s almost a spiritual feeling. Check that it IS a spiritual experience. Like being on the very peak of Bliss Mountain. I really can’t wait to share this article with her. Thank you for adding to our growth and our journey Emma with yet another EYM article being enjoyed by the two us together.
Wow… I have many, many times since my teenage years thought about how wonderful it would be to do something like this… or to thrust really, really slow for a very long, long time, like a many hours. However, In my mind I’ve never really thought much about the conversation part.
I recall having this thought about going out on a long hike to a desolate backcountry with that special someone and then basking in each other in this way out in the open or in an open tent, with the sounds of nature all around us and maybe even bathing in some warm, gentle, sunrays!
Wheeew… I’m having a daydream!!! 😉
BTW… I think in most cases, calling it “simmering” might be more descriptive. 😉
Simmering, perfect! And if it comes to a boil, which it will occasionally, just let it gently erupt (ruin it..?) but don’t withdraw, you may be surprised at have little or no refractory period if you stay motionless. Orgasm now, that’s a whole different thing for me – whole body quivering and shaking, back arched, mind completely gone, on and on, with no ejaculation. Lots of nice slippery Cowper’s fluid though, which she loves. Simmer on.
Our favourite soaking position is scissors. We can see each other, touch easily, talk, she can rock her hips, I can thrust with variety, and I can keep my muscles relaxed to prevent an ejaculation, We can be so relaxed that sometimes we fall asleep, wake up, and keep going. We feel SO close to each other, and as we usually connect before we get up in the morning, it sets up our day. ?
We have done this for several years. We cuddle when we do it. The trick is not do a lot of foreplay and get so turned on you are heated and ready to finish. We kiss a little, touch, I get erect and use some coconut oil for lube and enter her from behind while we cuddle.
We snuggle like that and I move just enough to stay erect. I rub her breasts lightly or her arms. Give her a gentle back and neck rub. We talk some too. We usually do this for at least 1/2 hour.
The thing is to do it relaxed and if orgasm is a 10 on a 1 to 10 scale, don’t go above about a 6 on excitement. Just take it easy.
We do it at least twice a week and know before we start we are not finishing with orgasm. We used to do it more often. I would go a couple of weeks before orgasming again.
Try it! It is really nice. It is a nice way to take a break from the world or a good way to end or start your day. We usually do it at bed time, but sometimes in the afternoon.
this is more than casual, it is important for my wanting to learn..
Yeah …. um, yup. This …. this soaking thing works just like advertised. Thanks so much for sharing.
Thank you, thank you Emma for this fantastic article. My wife and I are having a weekly chat w her in the cowgirl position and me looking up adoringly and listening intently. Adding spice and variety is so great for our communication and closeness.
We actually tried this after reading your blog and we must say, we love it! It’s just so fulfilling, liberating and intimate to cuddle, kiss and talk with it being inside without thrusting and not focusing on performance or an end goal. It’s also a super nice treat in the middle or at the end of longer lock up periods and reinforces the mindset that releases doesn’t necessarily mean an orgasm can be expected.
We’ve only done this a few times, but as a chaste submissive husband it’s my favorite sex ever. Note to self: do this again next time I get over 60 days or so.