I can't cum with my husband

Ask Emma: I Can’t Cum with My Husband; Why Familiarity Can Kill the Spark

by | Feb 13, 2025 | 7 comments

Hi Emma,

I have a question for you. I can't cum with my husband. When I first married him he had no trouble getting me off but we have been married ten years now and I don't really even want to have sex with him because I know I can't have an orgasm with him. He is a great guy and we are very close but it is almost embarrassing and dare I say pathetic that he doesn't get me off anymore.

I know its not me because I can get off by myself no problem. I feel so very resentful that he can't do what he used to do so easily in the past. Is it him or is it me, what is even going on. I want and deserve a good sex life but I feel like I am starving for good sex and I am so frustrated with him.

-Tara

Hi there Tara!

First off, let me say I understand your frustration—intimacy is such a cornerstone of a thriving relationship, and feeling disconnected in the bedroom can feel like losing a lifeline. What you’re experiencing is more common than you might think, and it has some fascinating psychological and biological underpinnings. So, let’s unpack this together with equal parts empathy and science.…

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jay

Outstanding article!

I came to this article fully expecting it to be evidence for and used as a giant commercial for why she should cast aside her husband and go find another man to fuck and begin a journey where he is subjugated to secondary in her life, ultimately leading to cruel humiliation. And it wasn’t any of that!

For whatever it may be worth to you Emma, I’m proud of you for that.

Paul_mcgrezzy

This is fantastic advice. My wife and I had a conversation about this very thing last night. I had not had a release in 18 days the longest I had ever gone. Due to real life stuff my wife and I only had 2 time during this period where we connected sexually. In the past I probably would have lashed out in frustration. Maturity and tips I have learned from your blog helped me keep my head. I was able to recognize our mismatched libidos and life stresses were the cause. We had a really productive conversation where I was able to explain my needs and how little effort required on her part to meet them. As well as hear and understand her needs. I don’t think women always grasp how easily a desperate man is to guide in whatever direction they desire.

jay

Nicely said.

Curious. When you say 18 days since your last release, are you speaking of release from your cage or the release of semen?

Paul_mcgrezzy

Semen. Personal record for me and an intense and quick release last night.

jay

Congratulations bud. For me, anyway, cumming twice in 18 days would be like being a drunk sailor on shore leave in Bangkok. I get an orgasm 2-3 times per year.

Paul_mcgrezzy

lol I guess it’s all about prospective. there’s always further to go. I am just looking forward to see where my wife wants to guide our journey.

Dad Jokes

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