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What happens when libidos run cold for a while?

wayland
(@wayland)
New Member

This is less of a sexy question, and more about the practicalities of chastity in a relationship.

 

What happens when one or both partners sex drive drops for a while? I've noticed that my sex drive drops when moving, or when something big is going on at work. There are also just times that happens for no particular reason.

Sometimes I masturbate three times in a day, sometimes there's been three weeks with nothing. I would imagine that teasing would warm up ones sex drive. But as the guy what happens when your not feeling it when your locked in chastity and she is. A lot of chastity is harnessing a mans sex drive, how does it work when there's nothing to harness for a bit?

For the key holders what happens when your not feeling it for a while? How do you tease your guy and boost up the sexual energy when your not feeling it for a while. 

And if both partners sexual energy drops for a while, if someone you both care about died, what do you do? In that kind of situation I can only imagine calling it off for a while and waiting for things to go back to normal.

 

Or am I just a robot that has his sexuality chip cut out from time to time? Sometimes I'll be walking with a friend and they'll ask "Did you see that girl with the yoga pants?" and every time I don't notice it. So this wouldn't be the only situation where my sexuality chip doesn't perfectly mimic human behavior.

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Topic starter Posted : 06/03/2021 10:17 am
Peterran
(@peterran)
Eminent Member

Honestly, as a man the loss of libido has not happened since being in chastity.  We attribute it to no masturbating.  Since she controls all sexual activity when she is not in the mood for longer lengths of time I just get hornier and am more than ready for my next unlocking.

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Posted : 07/03/2021 2:42 pm
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

It happens to all of us. We go through seasons in our lives where sex is a very high priority and we go through seasons where it takes a back seat to all of life's stressors. Chastity will not create sexual desire but a loving, supporting partner will. Teasing is key here; locked or not, a well teased man will be interested once the stress subsides.

If you think chastity may be adding to the stress, give chastity a rest for a few months. 

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Posted : 12/03/2021 10:04 pm
subhubphx liked
mstara
(@mstara)
Estimable Member

Stress is an every present issue in all our lives, and especially at the moment when many people are feeling the pressures perhaps more than ever. One of the first issues is recognising in your partner when they are stressed or situations that are likely to cause them stress. And indeed recognising it in yourself too. I think managing this is actually where the focus will be initially, and if the stress can be managed well then all the other 'good' things will fall into place.

Only you will know how you or your partner react to stressful situations, so if you can mitigate them by first recognising if something stressful is about to happen, like a move in your case, then talk about it and try to build into that period things that will give you a break from that, something that you will enjoy unconnected to the situation.

And when you have that small window of 'fun' in the middle of the situation then try being a bit flirty with each other to just enjoy too, you can't force it!

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Posted : 13/03/2021 12:08 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Chastity will not create sexual desire but a loving, supporting partner will.

I am living testament that these words are true.  That said, yes, libidos can run hot and cold but in a mature and deeply loving WLM, it truly is of no concern to Mistress K. whether my libido is at Defcon 1 or Defcon 5.  When she wants the missiles to launch, she expects and deserves for them to launch, because they are always at the ready (I have no idea where the missile defense metaphor came from).  Because I am happily in a blissful and constant state of desire for my wife because of our lifestyle, there are no libido or fail-to-launch issues (knock on wood - no pun intended).  My learned and innate true desire to make her life pleasurable means I am expected to be always at the ready, because I had previously made that commitment to her.  Usually all she has to do is ask (tell actually) me to get busy with the sexy-sexy-time pleasure she decided she wants, and it happens like she wants.  On rarer occasions, some teasing is helpful in getting things going and on even rarer occasions, a minute or two pressed against the wall allows her paddle to do the trick.

After all ... isn't that why we are here?  Women living their best lives and best relationships because of their evolved and evolving men?  

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Posted : 13/03/2021 7:18 am
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Reputable Member
Posted by: @mstara

Only you will know how you or your partner react to stressful situations, so if you can mitigate them by first recognising if something stressful is about to happen, like a move in your case, then talk about it and try to build into that period things that will give you a break from that, something that you will enjoy unconnected to the situation.

@mstara, I really do appreciate how caring and loving you are with your husband, and your desire to share that lovely way of being with the rest of us.  Your wisdom is valuable and appreciated.

Stressed is a bad way to be.  No doubt about it.  As humans, none of us are immune from stress.  None of us.  When I am stressed it is always helpful to me to recall an old axiom of truth I was taught by a mentor of mine when I was a young man in business, and the wisdom has permeated nearly every aspect of my life, be it business, marriage, kids and life in general.  

That axiom of truth is "Stress is the gap between your expectation and reality.  More the gap, more the stress.  Expect nothing and accept everything."  Clearly it is impossible for a human being to be void of stress, but being marinated in the truth of this axiom is a helpful foundation from which to be.  In essence, reality is and will be what reality is and will be.  Good, bad or otherwise, reality is what it is.  Knowing the reality of whatever we face, allows us to at least be aware of the gap between our expectation and that reality, which, at the very least allows us to manage the stress we create in a meaningful way.  

The minute I was able to understand and appreciate the wisdom of that old axiom, I felt I was way better equipped to deal with the stresses of life, which brought comfort to my life.  I felt very fortunate to have learned this early in life.

 

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Posted : 13/03/2021 8:25 am
hotNwife
(@hotnwife)
New Member

I had my libido vanish into the first couple of months when the pandemic began a year ago. It happened because the stress and uncertainty took the front seat. 

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Posted : 13/03/2021 3:12 pm
williamportor
(@williamportor)
Trusted Member
Posted by: @hotnwife

I had my libido vanish into the first couple of months when the pandemic began a year ago. It happened because the stress and uncertainty took the front seat. 

Perfectly natural, I'm sure many people went through the same thing. It's difficult for one to think about intimacy, if they're worried about dying.  

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Posted : 11/06/2021 12:38 am
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