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Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

@whitedotsonteal

This is completely true and it can't be highlighted enough. His body is manipulated by positive reinforcement, give him tidbits of positive reinforcement because you want to be his hero and not his villain. If you rely on the cage alone to do its magic, he may become resentful due to the negative reinforcement of being locked. It is no different than motivating children. If you want them to excel, you give them structure and frequent praise when they are doing something well. Don't make him feel like you are taking his orgasms from him, you want him to feel like he blessed to receive what you choose to give. Praise the fact that his balls are full and acknowledge how difficult that must be. Thank him for being so loving and attentive but make it clear that you know these traits will undoubtedly go away once he is permitted an orgasm.

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Posted : 26/11/2021 6:07 pm
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Eminent Member

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j We had PIV sex last night and it was great. I did not cum or really get close to cumming but I focused my attention more on her pleasure since I knew my time was limited (due to the 5 minute clock). Thankfully I am not feeling any resentment toward her, she is teasing me enough and giving me the right amount of attention to really make me feel like we are doing this together. 

She chose the position and after our five minutes, I locked back up immediately (very difficult) to watch herself pleasure herself to orgasm. Once the dust settled from that, we cuddled and talked about the parts that she enjoyed. I asked her to rate our sex and she said it was a 9 or 10, one of the best we've had since my focus was all about her. On a side note, I feel like my balls are about to explode but the key for me is redirecting that frustration and energy back to her in a positive way. That can be in the form of touching, massages or tasks to help keep my mind away from my frustration. I think the picture @hanamae added to her post sums up the way I've felt lately.

I think the biggest ah-ha moment for us is that sex was a mostly adversarial thing with her being the bad guy who controls how long it lasts and how often it happens. Now she is not the bad guy, sex is something we enter into together with the goal of pleasing her. In fact I offered a massage to help her relax beforehand. It really is all about her and I hope the redirection is helping to change the tone. 

I must say this is extremely frustrating and challenging but I hope orgasms happen soon and the cage can go away for a while. When I do eventually ejaculate with her (it has to happen eventually, right?) what should I do to commemorate the experience? I think it will probably mean more to me than it will to her but it has to mean something, right? Is there anything I can do to make her feel even more special? 

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Topic starter Posted : 28/11/2021 10:57 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

@dad-jokes 

The amazing thing is how a small lock on your genital region can change your entire outlook on your marriage and make you a more thoughtful lover. This isn't perspective a therapist can explain to you, it is simply a biological reorganization of priorities. Instead of the sexual compulsion driving, your brain is allowed to take over. Let me guess, during your talk she said that your positive attitude and helpful and loving demeanor are the biggest changes that she noticed. You've gone from a internal love which is limited and judgmental to an external lover who is unique and all encompassing.  External love should not be confused with unconditional love which in the context of a partnership is complete bullshit. It might exist in terms of a healthy parent and child relationship but I wouldn't know about that. Your love is shifting from a focus on your own sexual release to the enjoyment of watching her experience her own sexual release. We call that compersion around here. Give this blog a read and I think it will help you understand the changes that are evident to your lover.

So what is next?

  • When you finally cum (I like your optimism) - I think it will be a very special moment for you to enjoy together. I don't think anything special is in order. Will you continue to use the cage after you've met your goal? Will you do a weekly schedule like Kev and I do or will the two of you decide to shelf the cage for a while? As you get to the end of this journey together, her answer may surprise you.
  • A smaller cage. You might find that you are growing too accustomed to the size of your cage. Consider purchasing a slightly smaller one if you notice it drooping especially when you are drying your body in the shower. This can be common as your body adjusts to full-time wear. Your balls can actually elongate which gives you a bit more wiggle room.
  • Adjust the timer for sex and frequency of sex. As it becomes a more positive experience she may be interested in having more frequent sex with a different, possibly shorter duration. 
  • Enjoy your pegging sessions and make those about your wife giving of her love to you. Allow your body to relax, enjoy the sensations and receive what she is.. giving to you. As penetrative sex takes a more positive role in your relationship, you may notice that your wife finds an renewed passion for things of a sexual nature. Of course I don't know her but I've seen similar stories dozens of times.

Keep it up, stay strong and continue the course. Stay positive and do not burden her with your frustrations about being locked. Locking your dick in a cage is no small step for a relationship but it is already showing clear results. At the onset, you seemed to be more concerned about ejaculation but your wife was more worried about experiencing the deep sexual connection. That stark difference in your reality should tell you something. I am eager to hear feedback from your wife, it seems like she has many more rewards to reap with this stint of your little guy's incarceration. 


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Posted : 28/11/2021 6:59 pm
HanaMae
(@hanamae)
Active Member

When he does orgasm for first time in you make him go down on you. First times with memories!

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Posted : 03/12/2021 10:25 am
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Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Eminent Member

An update on our situation! We had sex last night during which she unlocked me for some heavy petting with no penetration. While this probably sounds weird, I really enjoyed her version of sex which was lots of very intimate foreplay after which she locked me up and I laid beside her while she masturbated. I really enjoyed watching her get off and I swear I felt actual pleasure while I watched her get off. I enjoyed seeing her receive pleasure from orgasm. I am certain that your compersion blog was dead on with my/our experience. Not only do I feel a sexual component but I feel a deeper love and gratitude for her which is pretty cool as an already loving and grateful husband!

I am really feeling frustrated and redirecting that frustration is becoming more challenging. My lockup started nearly three weeks ago I am eager to at least have opportunity to orgasm. I am hopeful that we have some sort of sex again without waiting for next weekend. Without some sort of outlet I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. 

I don't know what we will do with the cage after I orgasm during sex. I am honestly afraid to ask her since she told me this morning that she likes me better locked due to my behavior reminding her of when we first started dating. She also said that she feels a tinge of guilt when she locks me up after sex but that is fading and being replaced with addictive feelings of empowerment.

I've been trying to keep any conversation about the cage minimal which is difficult when it is on my mind constantly but I know she doesn't want to hear about it.

We haven't discussed this blog much and I don't know if she is reading it any longer but I really hope she doesn't read your comment about the smaller cage. This cage certainly feels confining at night but during the day it has somewhat loosened up. I try and adjust myself as necessary so any extra space isn't quite as evident.

@hanamae I don't think she would want me to do that. 🤣 

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Topic starter Posted : 05/12/2021 12:15 pm
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

Things sound like they are progressing well @dad-jokes however I saw a few red flags while reading your response.

You've stopped discussing the blog with her. You really need to keep those lines of communication open or she will not know your sexual needs and your current frustration level. I am hopeful that you've substituted actual conversation and transparency about your needs. I don't care if you read the blog or not but I do care that you TALK about what you are doing and why you are doing it. 

You are trying to hide your loose fitting cage from her. If you are trying to hide something as obvious as an ill fitting cage, what else are you hiding from her emotionally?

Despite your closer feelings of intimacy, it sounds like you are resentful about the frequency of your sex. Communicate with her about your needs. Despite being locked, you do need a certain level of teasing and sexual attention to keep the frustration levels high. Locked and ignored equals resentment. Locked with frequent teasing keeps hormone levels high and this supports all of the positive benefits of lockup.

If the two of you are not on the same page or unable to get on the same page there are some other things you can do. If you have a fleshlight style toy, she can setup your timer and you can fuck the fleshlight while she watches, reads, watches tv or plays on her phone. This will help train your body for the expectation of a specific sexual time period. This might be something that you can add to your sexual repertoire if you are unable to mesh your desire levels. If you feel like you are getting close before the timer goes off, you need to have the willpower to stop and cage-up. She might really enjoy this, there is something very sexy about watching a guy fuck a toy like that. 

You need to decide if the two of you are all-in or if you are sitting on the fence about this. There is no wrong answer here but the two of you need to bump your communication up a level and if you are nervous about talking to her, there is a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

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Posted : 05/12/2021 1:17 pm
Kimmy2006
(@kimmy2006)
Active Member
Posted by: @dad-jokes

She also said that she feels a tinge of guilt when she locks me up after sex but that is fading and being replaced with addictive feelings of empowerment.

I felt the same guilt at first. Society tells us that our husband's sexual satisfaction is our responsibility so denying him satisfaction seems like we are taking something away. If you just change the wording it makes denial much easier and more natural. Instead of "you're not cumming tonight" say "I'm going to cum for both of us tonight, does that sound good?". Make your desires a positive and immediately get a positive response from him. Never feel guilty about placing your needs first especially when helping him meet his own needs. Many of us are givers and this can be very unnatural but practice makes perfect and once you get into the habit it is wonderful. It is all just a frame of mind!


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Posted : 06/12/2021 12:56 pm
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Honorable Member Supporter
Posted by: @kimmy2006

Instead of "you're not cumming tonight" say "I'm going to cum for both of us tonight, does that sound good?". Make your desires a positive and immediately get a positive response from him. Never feel guilty about placing your needs first especially when helping him meet his own needs. Many of us are givers and this can be very unnatural but practice makes perfect and once you get into the habit it is wonderful. It is all just a frame of mind!

This is excellent!  Quite literally, her orgasms have actually become our orgasms.  So much so in fact I will thank her for our orgasm after she has come back to earth, and without being required to thank her.  I genuinely feel gratitude!  I agree, a woman in a FLR/WLM should NEVER feel guilty for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that her chaste man will avoid the dopamine drop-off lack of enthusiasm that follows a man's orgasm.  I have become accustomed to preferring being denied an orgasm and the incredible feelings of lust and constant affection that continue beyond sex ... to the few seconds of bliss that comes from an orgasm.  In fact, Ms. K. and I have had several conversations where I am encouraging her to be "selfish".  Not just in sex either, but in everything else that we do together.  Because I get enormous pleasure in her service, her being selfish is a misnomer because she's not denying me anything by being selfish, she's giving me pleasure by being selfish ... if that makes sense. 


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Posted : 06/12/2021 1:13 pm
Dad Jokes
(@dad-jokes)
Eminent Member

I don't want to say that the blog is a sore subject but she is very busy and I think communicating directly with her makes more sense than sending her to the blog. If she has time, she assured me that she will check-in and read it. I didn't mean to give the impression that we stopped communicating, we certainly have not. With regard to the cage, I agree that hiding it isn't in our best interest. I will mention it to her in the next couple days and see what she thinks a new cage might be in order for Christmas. 

I am not resentful about the frequency/infrequency of our sex and she is doing a very good job with teasing and making extra attempts to make me feel loved. We do have a Fleshlight, I may mention the Fleshlight idea to her. I really can't say if she would be interested in watching or not.

We are trying to keep the communication lines open but life can be busy, especially with the holidays fast approaching. Thank you everyone for the feedback. 

@kimmy2006 @subhubphx I really like the flip the perspective ideas, thank you. Do you have any other tips like this?

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Topic starter Posted : 06/12/2021 2:22 pm
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

You are trying to hide your loose fitting cage from her. If you are trying to hide something as obvious as an ill fitting cage, what else are you hiding from her emotionally?

I would be remiss if I didn't clarify my comment about cage fit. A properly fitted cage will be more comfortable because it will hug your body more closely. It is normal for your balls to pull away from your body a little bit; especially when your body is new to extended-wearing of cages.

It isn't like your penis is shrinking, your body is just getting acclimated to wearing a cage. If this is the case, there is no shame in getting a cage that fits your body better. When cages are too small, it is possible for the muscles to temporarily atrophy and for the penis to look visibly smaller but it comes back after a few days cage-less. 

Get a cage that fits you properly and you will be just fine. Here is a blog about proper cage fit.

https://evolvingyourman.com/2021/01/06/male-chastity-selecting-the-correct-size-for-your-cock-cage/

 

This post was modified 2 months ago by Emma
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Posted : 06/12/2021 4:14 pm
subhubphx liked
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Honorable Member Supporter
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

A properly fitted cage will be more comfortable because it will hug your body more closely.

This is very important and is absolutely true.  Once I got a cage that was custom fitted to me, I worried when I first put it on that it was going to suck but soon realized (next day) that it is was waaaaay more comfortable for my little fella.  We haven't looked back since.


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Posted : 06/12/2021 4:29 pm
LocknKey liked
lockedforlynn
(@lockedforlynn)
Eminent Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

It isn't like your penis is shrinking, your body is just getting acclimated to wearing a cage. If this is the case, there is no shame in getting a cage that fits your body better. When cages are too small, it is possible for the muscles to temporarily atrophy and for the penis to look visibly smaller but it comes back after a few days cage-less. 

Not actual muscles but the blood filling phallus and it's quite a bit longer than a few days.  I wear a "too" small cage as I still believe it the most comfortable but 'somewhat permanent' weakness and smaller size is evident until using a penis pump.  

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Posted : 06/12/2021 5:00 pm
Revolution
(@revolution)
Active Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

If you have a fleshlight style toy, she can setup your timer and you can fuck the fleshlight while she watches, reads, watches tv or plays on her phone. This will help train your body for the expectation of a specific sexual time period. This might be something that you can add to your sexual repertoire if you are unable to mesh your desire levels. If you feel like you are getting close before the timer goes off, you need to have the willpower to stop and cage-up. She might really enjoy this, there is something very sexy about watching a guy fuck a toy like that. 

I don't have an issue ejaculating like you do @dadjokes but this idea from @emma sounds like something my girlfriend would love. Sometimes we do pegging or mutually masturbate. We are always looking for lets call it alternative ways of having sex because she isn't a huge fan of penetration. I bet she would love watching and listening to me fucking a fleshlight and have the power trip to tell me to stop when she knows I am about to bust. 

 

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Posted : 07/12/2021 10:55 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

@revolution Even if you don't try chastity, you should try playing with the fleshlight. It is arousing on a whole new level because you can see his body language and it is almost voyeuristic to watch him once he forgets you are watching. Not going to lie, watching Kev is many times better than any porn. I'll probably write a blog about it in the future but I couldn't come up with a witty name for the practice. Feel free to give suggestions!

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Posted : 08/12/2021 1:59 pm
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TheRachel
(@therachel)
Eminent Member

Any updates?


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Posted : 09/12/2021 3:15 pm
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