Female Led Partnership vs Female Led Relationship

I think one of the most valuable lessons about living any kind of FLR/FLP/WLM, whatever you happen to call it, is that it's yours and hers. You can do what you want and how you want as long as the results are what you(collectively) want to see. For my wife and I it strikes a balance between, something's are a partner decision (kids as you mentioned), others I could have a say in but only if voice concerns in a respectful manner. I am certainly not a slave, I would say I am servile but more in a Alfred from Batman way. Just because I serve her doesn't mean I don't get pushy about making sure she is taking care of herself. 

Thanks for joining the community friend. May I ask how you handle children with your relationship? Our son is still young but there are certainly challenges to keep something's private. 

@vikter We act as a united front with our children and don’t attempt to circumvent the other. We are pretty laid back parents and go with the flow of things. We maintain a welcoming home that is well lived in, if that makes sense. This is their house and home, not our house where they are currently residing. Despite this, we’ve made it clear that they are expected to leave the nest at some point. 

There are times that we’ve considered selling our kids or abandoning them at the nearest truck stop, but I think that is typical of all parents of teenagers. I did have to set a new rule this week that they are not to knock on our bedroom door when it is shut unless it is an emergency. 

As far as our kink dynamic, the oldest is aware that we have a healthy sex life and have some toys due to his snooping in our room - everything is now locked up. I’ve always been very respectful of my wife and opened doors for her, it is not uncommon for them to see us kiss or other signs of public affection, and they are aware that we shower together pretty much every day. They are not aware that I submit to her and that she spanks me, keeps me in a chastity cage, denies my orgasms or pegs me. We keep that private. 

Posted by: @dharmaproject

so she does not want me to act as her slave or servant. I maintain a list of expectations that she holds me to - make the bed each morning, fill her water glass at night, maintain gas in her car, etc - but she has no desire for me to bow to her or call her my queen or any of the other actions that are outlined in several FLR books.

Of course every relationship is different.  In my FLM, my Mistress (yes I call her that not because I am required to but because I want to) similarly does not want me to behave as a beta sub or slave.  She fell in love with the masculine alpha leader that she saw in me and doesn't want that vision of me to change.  Just because I am submissive to her doesn't mean that Ii changed who I am.  Quite the contrary.  She loves the 'he is the Rooster and rules the roost.  I rule the rooster' aspect of our life together.  And so do I.

A FLM/FLR doesn't have to be anything else other than what the two people involved make it for themselves.  The problem of course is that humans will tend to believe they have to fit inside of an outlined box that someone else has defined.  Once a husband and wife discover that they get to define the outline of that box for themselves, magical things happen.  

Heres my 2c or 3c Dharma.

I'm not a big fan of partnership type relationships. They just take too much skill to keep them balanced, for me anyway. I prefer non partnership relationships where you get to express your though's and opinion's but your non partner gets the final say.

A scenario. Expand it out as you like.

Partnership. Its Saturday. Morning. You and your partner are in bed. You are both waking but you are both tired. You have both had a bunch of long weeks. She wants you to run down stares, fire up the expresso machine and bring her coffee. In your mind you are thinking, "I serve her, but I've done this for the past 4 weeks. I'm beat. Its her turn." You mention it to her, but she isn't in the mood and ask's you again to go get coffee. You do it but you are feeling things aren't exactly fair.

Not partnership. Its Saturday. Morning. You and your not partner are in bed. You are both waking but you are both tired. You have both had a long week. She wants you to run down stares, fire up the expresso machine and bring her coffee. In your mind you are thinking, "I serve her, but I've done this for the past 4 weeks. I'm beat." You mention it to her, but she isn't in the mood and ask's you again to go get coffee. You do it and while you are at it, you think, "Fme, I need to step up my game, get in better shape".

In both instances, the coffee will come back up the stairs but carried by two very different people, and she will notice.

You see, in the top instance, there is room for the type of thinking that breeds resentment, which will inevitably play out in any number of toxic ways. In the bottom, there is room for her to think, "I'm lucky to have him. If we have another long week coming up, maybe I'll get up with him and we can go down stairs together and I'll have him serve me coffee on his knees." 

Of course thats very simplistic, but maybe it serves the point. In my experience, partnership type relationships inherently have levels of equality and levels of equality are constantly needing to have their balance maintained. In a non partner relationship, its agreed up front that the balance is lopsided and in that, there is freedom form all sorts of strife. As long as you haven't hooked up with a tyrant and as long as you can express your thoughts and opinions, your non partner will know what going on for you and minus all the toxic BS, will act from a place of appreciation and love. Well, she might not always act that way, but is far more likely to. 

p.s. If I totally missed the point of your post, sry.

Posted by: @dharmaproject

We act as a united front with our children and don’t attempt to circumvent the other. We maintain a welcoming home that is well lived in, if that makes sense. This is their house and home, not our house where they are currently residing. 

There are times that we’ve considered selling our kids or abandoning them at the nearest truck stop, but I think that is typical of all parents of teenagers.

I loved this and can fully identify with it. Ours are older now and we love them to bits, but they drive us to distraction sometimes!

I would probably say that we are more in the FLP camp really and have been, unknowingly at first, since we've been together. He'd never make a big decision without my agreement and it's always been that way. However he's not my servant and I don't order him about as such.

If he really plays up I just tell him he's not getting unlocked any time soon!!

@brian I appreciate your insight and agree with your examples. I guess my feelings of a partnership are that it implies a level of equality but since I’ve expressed the desire to serve her, then I’ve willingly offered to make it less balanced and serve her out of desire instead of with a non-partnership (FLR?) where the serving is an obligation. Maybe I just view the word partnership as more warm and furry. The perspective in why one is serving is important. Thanks for the comment and examples. 

@mstara I think the best advice for raising children came out of an FBI handbook - we don’t negotiate with terrorists. 

Posted by: @brian

In both instances, the coffee will come back up the stairs but carried by two very different people, and she will notice.

This is excellent!

Posted by: @mstara

However he's not my servant and I don't order him about as such.

If he really plays up I just tell him he's not getting unlocked any time soon!!

You are a benevolent and loving leader in your marriage, it's beautiful and it shows.