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Stephanie Responds to Emma

Estimable Member

I looked at the blogs you highlighted and I will have Dave look at them tonight and try to get him to respond to you also.  I saw and I think Dave will also see where you talk about how men and women are different and also how the women have to realize the sacrifice he makes for them in this life style and they need to show appreciation. 

What I didn’t see and Dave made a big point of was not so much the importance of communication in general but rather specific things.  Notably that the most important three words in a relationship are “I love you” and they are spoken way to seldom.  The other thing he saw missing was the importance of the “Hug” and the “Touch.”  These two things can tell a man more than a whole book full of words. Even in the blogs you referenced these things were in no way specifically eluded to. If you are going to ask your man to sacrifice something so important to him as his orgasms, the woman needs to do these things a lot and tell him "I love you" often.

When I gently run the backs of my fingers on his cheek, especially if he is worried about something or stressed or just feeling alone, the smile that comes across his face could light up the whole room.  It is something I started doing years ago and now it is so important to him.  He told me a couple years ago he couldn’t begin to tell me what that touch says to him.  He said something to the effect of, “It says you love me and you are glad you are next to me, and you like to touch my skin, and you want me to touch you, and all these thoughts just run around in my head and make me crazy.”  Just three fingers on his cheek says all that.  Go figure!

You asked what I do to make Dave feel loved and fulfilled.  I’ll start by saying in our case it is independent of our chastity.  I do not tease him in a sexual way or try to frustrate him  He knows how our chastity works and he will get to make love with an orgasm every other Saturday and that is independent of whether he does the dishes that night or anything else.  Our love making is strictly about our love for each other and is never based on reward or punishment.  There were a couple times I wanted to make love to him because he was just so there for me but I think our schedule is too important in the overall quality of our love encounters to screw it up.  That is actually what led to our new “Special PIV” one night that is kind of like your docking but it is so sensual it has to be a thousand times better.  No offence please. LOL

The things I do to make him feel loved are in many ways the same things he does for me except I think he is maybe better at it than I am.  I’ll start with the tiny things that no wife should give a second thought to but is so often lacking in a relationship.  Whenever either of us goes out we hug, give a gentle kiss, and say I LOVE YOU.”  (Notice the emphasis.)  When Dave comes home from work it is a repeat.  I also know when he needs a hug or a little compliment.  I am not as good at it as he is.  Sometimes I feel like he lives in my mind and soul, he knows my every mood so well.  His job is very high stress, especially these days, and I hug him and ask him to tell me about his day every day.  I hold his hand a lot, especially if he is telling me about a particularly rough day.  Holding his hand while he talks may sound silly but when he talks about the hardest parts of his day he will squeeze my hand a little.  I think it helps him relax.  Those are the most important things we do for each other.  He also gets his share of back rubs.  It is just another way of helping him relax after a hard day.  They aren’t real massages.  I just stand behind him and rub his shoulders and back and he just kind of sighs and he always says, “that felt great.  Thank you” when I finish.

Most of the other things are about fun and enjoying each other’s company.  I make sure I do things he likes to do and not just the ones I like.  I am not a football fan but I watch games with him especially if the Eagles or Penn State are playing.  I hold his hand during the games to give his team good luck.  Hasn’t worked so well for the Eagles this year but State is doing great.  I play darts with him often.  Still not very good at it but darts was what we did on our first date. I am not a country music fan but he is and I have Alexa play his play list when we are just sitting around or having a picnic in the back yard or something.  He appreciates little gestures like that.  He knows I would rather listen to the Beatles (You read my post about the night he got tickets to the tribute band I hope.  I love him so.)  or pop music from the eighties and nineties.

During the height of Covid, about a third of the staff worked at the office including Dave.  The cafeteria was closed and all they had were vending machines to get sandwiches and stuff.   I would take Dave a nice fresh and sometimes hot lunch and we would eat together outside if it was a nice day.  Again not a big thing but something that made Dave feel like I cared just a little bit more.

We also have pure fun together.  We have pillow fights and he will tickle me and pat my butt and we will just act like rowdy teenagers.  Amazing how much tension evaporates in a good pillow fight.

It is a lot of little things that make him feel loved.  Not fancy gifts or extra sex or teasing and no girl friend on the side. LOL  You don’t have to be rich.  You just have to make an effort.  It is not a free ride for either of us but it is not work either because the rewards are instantaneous and gratifying.   

In bed, the night he has his orgasm I still maintain total control.  He does not thrust.  I am on top usually and he just moves side to side or long wise so as to apply pressure to my clit and mons.  I control the pace and will have us both to the edge two or three times.  We will go between sensual where he will be gently caressing me and kissing my neck and shoulder and pure passion where he will be running his finger in my but crack and kissing me passionately.  He has no idea when the moment will happen until when we are both at the edge and I start to thrust on him.  His orgasm usually happens an instant after mine and will be amazing and for a moment it is about his physical high but that lasts only seconds.  Then he will feel so loved.  He calls it his gift of my total self to him.  Then he wants to hold me and caress me and make me feel so loved.  Eventually I will nudge him down and he gives me a fantastic “O” (which also stops the leakage) with his tongue.  We will make sensual love for half to full hour after his orgasm.  Sunday morning when we wake up after that magnificent night I will give him a little kiss and gently touch his cheek for a few seconds and I practically own him.

The other thirteen nights the love making is more about sensual and I make sure I touch his cheek and caress his body so that he feels the same love I feel.  I will get an oral and usually he will also masturbate me to a nice orgasm but these orgasms feel different for me.  They are much more about the love and less about the sex.    

Our relationship is not about the FLR or the chastity.  I believe the FLR is what brought out the amazing man that is Dave and I hope I don’t hurt my arm patting myself on the back.  It took a lot of emotional energy to teach him how to make love and how to read me like a book, and how to embrace his emotions and feelings instead of cringing in fear of them.  It has been worth it though because today it is almost as if I don’t have to lead at all.  He just knows what works and everything is so natural.  The chastity is still important because it is what keeps our love making at the level it is.  Both when he gets an orgasm and the thirteen nights when our love making is truly about nothing but love, sensual love even though I do get my orgasm.

Sorry this got so long but what was I going to leave out.     

Topic starter Posted : 07/10/2021 12:34 pm
Honorable Member
Posted by: @steph

Our relationship is not about the FLR or the chastity.

Your relationship certainly does have some aspects of a typical (whatever that means) FLR, in that you control his orgasms and his sex, along with the chastity.  But at the same time it is clearly different than others in that it is not centered around his service to you, sexually or otherwise.  And that's more than ok.  To each their own and congratulations to both of you for finding and having each other.

Others, like me, find exceptional joy and pleasure to being in service to my loving, caring, tender, strict wife.  Wallowing in subspace when she puts me there is unmitigated bliss, regardless of what she may require of me at that moment.  I trust her leadership and to care for me in ways that are centered on her pleasure, and her happiness.  Even (sometimes especially) during those times when she is reddening my bottom with her paddle.   To each their own.

“If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; You just gotta find the one worth suffering for.”   -   Bob Marley
Posted : 07/10/2021 1:01 pm
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