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Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

Looking to find out why you feel like orgasm control is a good fit for your relationship. In what ways does it bring you closer?

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Posted : 28/06/2019 8:27 pm
Todd liked
spankandblow
(@spankandblow)
Active Member
Posted by: Emma

Looking to find out why you feel like orgasm control is a good fit for your relationship. In what ways does it bring you closer?

I have had delayed ejaculation for a while.  Although I don't have any desire to be involved in locking, I do practice semen retention when I'm with lovers.  It helps to raise testosterone levels which makes my levels of desire stronger ( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12659241 ).  It makes it easier for me to ejaculate when I need to.  It makes my partner(s) happier because orgasm comes quickly and with less effort.  It makes me feel good to be able to control my own sexual impulses. 

The current scientific evidence suggests that semen retention beyond 1 day is not of much use in terms of sperm motility (  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5641453/ ). 

Most of the benefit, IMO, comes from the increases in testosterone levels which improve confidence, cognitive function, concentration, and virility.  Of course, Emma, you may regret encouraging techniques which only tend to increase traditional male behaviors (by naturally raising testosterone) such as dominance, aggression, violence,  and a desire to control.  I would argue that women may benefit more from men who masturbate regularly because it keeps our testosterone levels lower, but we shall see.  I always say "be careful what you wish for" -- the law of unintended consequences never gets suspended.

Spank

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Posted : 29/06/2019 5:24 pm
jc5200 liked
ControlQueen
(@controlqueen)
New Member

Dear Emma

Although Hubby and I have visited your blog for several months and before that FLR 101 (now sadly off-line), I only got around to registering yesterday.  How we arrived at where we are today is a longer story (which I/we would be happy to share if Emma and people out there would appreciate a longer read), but chastity has turned out to be a perfect fit within our WLM.  The brief version is that I dislike penetrative sex and loathe masturbation.  I would get very upset whenever Hubby broke his pledge not to abuse himself and felt dreadfully guilty that I was depriving him of his marital rights.  Matters came to head about three years into our increasingly unhappy marriage when an unexpected turn of events led Hubby to ask me to help him stop polluting himself (we both come from conservative christian backgrounds).  At first I found this all a bit weird, but it didn't really take me that long to become a Control Queen who governs her strictly chaste and chastened Hubby-Maid.

Control Queen

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Posted : 30/06/2019 2:54 pm
jc5200 liked
ControlQueen
(@controlqueen)
New Member

Dear Emma

Although Hubby and I have visited your blog for several months and before that FLR 101 (now sadly off-line), I only got around to registering yesterday.  How we arrived at where we are today is a longer story (which I/we would be happy to share if Emma and people out there would appreciate a longer read), but chastity has turned out to be a perfect fit within our WLM.  The brief version is that I dislike penetrative sex and loathe masturbation.  I would get very upset whenever Hubby broke his pledge not to abuse himself and felt dreadfully guilty that I was depriving him of his marital rights.  Matters came to head about three years into our increasingly unhappy marriage when an unexpected turn of events led Hubby to ask me to help him stop polluting himself (we both come from conservative christian backgrounds).  At first I found this all a bit weird, but it didn't really take me that long to become a Control Queen who governs her strictly chaste and chastened Hubby-Maid.

Control Queen

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Posted : 30/06/2019 2:54 pm
jmn
 jmn
(@jmn)
Active Member

Hi Emma,

Until a short while ago, my partner and I had only done orgasm control as one part of play from time to time. Recently, we decided to try it as a long-term thing for our relationship. I’ve always been the more submissive partner in our relationship, but we still have disagreements sometimes and I’m not always eager to do chores. So far, I think we have both found that orgasm control has provided a little more stability to our relationship by more firmly establishing her as the dominant partner and me as the submissive one. Now, when she asks me to do something I don’t really want to do, or when we disagree on something, we can usually skip the debate because we both know who will likely win. Even before making this change to our relationship, we rarely argued, but now even the bit of tension that would come up when we needed to work out conflicting interests is significantly reduced. Having less tension and disagreement really brings us closer together, as does my willingness to do more for her without us being as caught up with who has done more for whom lately.

One thing that makes orgasm control great for us is that it maintains this power dynamic in a way that I think will work for us in the long-term. It doesn’t make me feel like I’ve given up too much autonomy, because the only thing I’ve actually surrendered is control over when I can orgasm. My partner definitely uses that power to maintain her authority in other areas and to keep me focused on her needs, but if things ever feel like they are going a little too far, I know I can just decide that my desire to be allowed to orgasm isn’t enough to make me give in on the matter. Basically, I still feel free to disagree, but I pick my battles much more carefully since I know that they can cost me. This also means that when I do get my back up about something, she is more likely to see it as serious enough that we should discuss it. I know that feeling powerless is actually what a lot of guys want with orgasm control, and I do enjoy that feeling as part of play, but the excitement of it wears off for me after a little while. I could go on about why I think our approach works for us, but I’m trying to avoid turning this into an essay.

Another thing about orgasm control that has been great for us is that it helps us quickly re-establish our power dynamic after I am allowed an orgasm. When we have experimented in the past with her trying to maintain control over me after letting me orgasm, it’s never really worked because my submissive attitude would slip away and the whole thing would just burn out until we rebuilt from scratch (which we might not bother to do for a while). However, with just committing to orgasm control on a permanent basis, I don’t really feel the same 180º after having an orgasm, because not being allowed to orgasm isn’t much of a concern right after doing so. There is still a bit of a reset, but our agreement that she controls my orgasms stays in place, which means that the power scale stays tipped in her favour. With that in place, the full power dynamic is restored much more quickly, even if neither of us actively does anything to make it happen. Our commitment to orgasm control acts like a pilot light in a furnace. Even when the fire burns out, the pilot light stays lit and we can just stand back and let it reignite the rest.

This is a pretty new thing for us, and we’re still fairly young, so we may need to make changes to our approach. So far, it’s been really good for us, so I hope that it will stay that way and that we’ll be able to find ways to adjust it to work around any issues that do come up.

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Posted : 01/07/2019 3:10 am
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jc5200
(@jc5200)
Active Member

@spankandblow, I've done a little study on the body chemistry as it relates to semen retention, or specifically not having a male orgasm. Dopamine goes up, but so does oxytocin, which is basically the "love drug." So as your testosterone and arousal goes up, so does your attentiveness and willingness to serve her. Also, after you have an orgasm, dopamine, oxytocin, and testosterone drop, creating a hell of a hangover. Particularly if you've been abstaining from orgasms for a while.  I find this all pretty fascinating. JC

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Posted : 03/07/2019 5:53 pm
Todd
 Todd
(@todd)
New Member

What’s the best way to approach a vanilla wife about locking me up

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Posted : 01/10/2019 9:21 pm
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