Cuckolds

Curious: what's wrong with using strap-ons and/or toys to satisfy "needs," be they related to length/girth? Why involve another person?

I guess some people also just want to be involved with another, or like the act of humiliating or being humiliated, power dynamics, etc., but it seems to me that so many of the physical reasons (penis size) can be solved without involving another person. Just my opinion. Just off the top of my head, the tumblr/bdsmlr blogs keephimcaged as well as Tom Allen and Mrs-Edge-Says (isn't Tom Allen on this site? Hi Tom!) are good examples of using strap-ons to satisfy needs the male may not be able to do so on his own.

I think much of the allure is related to humiliation of the man. Jealousy is a very strong emotion and spurs other emotions which can deepen the levels of submission in the relationship. I've been learning about cuckold relationships but I haven't gone down that road with Kevin yet.

We HAVE used toys and my strapon to ensure that my needs are met when he is locked but we also do have quite a bit of sex while he is locked. When he is locked, I find that my libido is amplified so that doesn't help things. Of course he isn't allowed to cum when he is retaining. 

Cuckolding basically says find the guy that you love to meet your emotional needs but find someone else to satisfy the physical needs.

I guess this is where I get lost, in my opinion: finding someone else to satisfy the physical needs. Hubby & I have a collection of strap-ons of varied length/girth (a few that are smaller/thinner than him, but all of them have infinitely more endurance 😉 ) to the point that I can "customize" which penis I use for the night (sometimes his) if any at all. Maybe its because we're not into humiliation or polyamory that I truly can't see the appeal, but I've never understood the couples who approached it as something inevitable or inherently desirable based on the physical benefits alone when that can so easily be handled monogamously (while keeping him denied as well!).

 Idk, maybe I'm old-fashioned and a prude but even RE: the "watch me" factor, I'd rather play with myself in front of him or ride something than use another person to humiliate him

Posted by: @sandibeaches

It is great to discuss these things with someone who ACTUALLY GETS IT instead of convincing like I do when having conversations with some of my friends who haven't yet experienced a loving FLM.

Kudos to you @sandibeaches.  It really is a difficult thing to understand the unmitigated joys that exist within an acknowledged, loving FLM.  I realize that Emma's wonderful blog is mostly about orgasm control of the male, and in particular with the use of a chastity cage, but as you know, those of us practicing a FLM (or FLR) likely use orgasm control and chastity, in whatever form it's used, as a cornerstone of such a relationship.  Thank you for your contributions.

Posted by: @koreanchastity

My biggest fear isn’t her leaving me or becoming mean or anything like some stories, my biggest fear is that I actually think she would do it, but afterward she’d be the one with regrets.

Thank you for this comment.  I share that same concern as I contemplate how I feel about seeing my wife with another person having sex.  

I have been away and mostly forgot about this site (sorry) until one of your articles about moving in was recommended to me. I've spent the entire thanksgiving holiday catching up on your life. 

Anyway it looks like you have tried bringing a third into your relationship after all. I applaud you and hope you are happy. One thing that is missing is the juicy details. I know you said something about not wanting this to turn into a porn blog but let's hear more about what happens behind closed doors. Maybe a too hot for TV blog for us? I have questions if you've got answers.

Is there any way to be notified of new blogs when they are posted?

@sandibeaches

Yeah, what she said!  I second and third this!

I find this cuckolding scene stuff very difficult to understand. There are double standards when it comes to sex and men & women. When men have sex with all and sundry they get called studs but when women do the same they get called tarts, nymphos, bikes and worse. If there were no tarts around how would the studs manage? This unfairness really winds me up.

I'm not into pain or humiliation but I think there are occasions when a bit of humiliation to put men in their place is not necessarily a bad thing. However, to actually create a scene where a loved partner has his cock locked and the woman concerned then has sex with another male whilst the 'loved' partner is forced to watch is beyond my comprehension. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I just can't see how it works or be accepted by the couple who are supposed to be an item. I certainly wouldn't want MsWife messing around with another bloke whether I was watching or not and I know for sure MsWife would be filing for divorce if I was messing around with another woman especially if it was in front of her.

Anyone would care to explain...

@soundsofdelight

I was in the same camp as you, completely. A few of my older blogs will probably echo much of what you said because it was certainly my mindset. As you've probably read from my blog, I live with two men. One of them (Kevin) is my boyfriend and one of them is our friend, with benefits (Andrew). We have a very sexual relationship and sometimes the whole team is at play while other times one of the players sits out part of the game on the bench. Our relationship isn't a cuckold relationship and it isn't a triad or vee relationship.  Sometimes we verge on cuckold with the teasing and games and other times we are closer to a vee relationship with an incredible closeness and bodies entangled every which way.

For us, the teasing and fun is simply that. Fun. For others, the cuckold relationship is a type of escapism. Cuckold couples in my experience have very strong relationships and they are comfortable enough with each other to use cuckolding as a shared experience to enhance their bond as a couple. Men are wired for sperm competition and it really taps in to something in the male psyche. The level of arousal that Kevin enjoys while watching me enjoying myself with Andrew is amazing. Much of this is compersion but some of it is about himself and about sharing of what his mind perceives to be his "property" in the most animalistic of ways.

It sounds like this may not be for you and I wouldn't recommend trying it. I think some men are wired to enjoy this sort of thing more than others and that's ok.

I have contributed on this subject on previous occasions, so won't go over old ground, but suffice it to say that this is something that he wanted initially and it took a long time, and a particular set of circumstances, for me to venture down this road.
I have to confess that I get confused with the terminology and the nuances of those words, but I'd say that the motivations and dynamics would look different for every couple who engage in this type of activity.
Do I fully understand what my husband gets out of it? Not completely. His brain is wired differently to mine and thus I sometimes find it hard to fathom his triggers and how he derives pleasure.
He has tried to articulate to me what it is that he 'enjoys' but I don't fully understand. He once called it 'erotic torture' and described the yearning and angst as heightening his sexual senses to a previously unobtained level.
Now I don't get that, but I am happy that if fulfils a need in him and brings us closer together.

Hi Emma,

First off, just in case you thought otherwise, I am not being judgemental or critical in any way. I find the whole concept fascinating and hugely complex. You're right though, it's not for me and particularly not for my better half, who is very insecure at the best of times but we are all different and that's what makes the world go around and life interesting. I like reading the blogs you write re: your threesome relationship though I sometimes feel as though I'm being voyeuristic and shouldn't really be there looking in. However, you've left the curtains open with the lights on so thanks for that. It's good to read the three of you are happy. Do you ever see the green-eyed monster rearing it's ugly head (particularly where Kevin is concerned) and if you were ever to tie the knot with Kevin would you continue with this arrangement?

God Bless those of you that can truly and happily exist in a cuckold/poly/non-monogamous relationship.  It takes an amazing amount of courage and trust to be a part of a triad (in whatever form) given the potential pitfalls, known or unknown.  I admire all of you and can't seem to keep my eyes off of your respective journies.  

Being an "older" fella, I've had the benefit of acquiring some experience, and the associated wisdom that comes with it over the years.  Some of that wisdom is valuable.  Some of it is as useless as hen shit on a pump handle.  None of what I say here is intended to be judgmental and hopefully doesn't come off that way.  At the risk of coming off like the "get-off-my-lawn" or the "back in my day" guy, I would like share some of that wisdom. Clearly it is one man's opinion and could be worth what you are paying for it. 

As much as we humans like to think that we have control of our emotions, and as much as we think that we have communicated fully and honestly, it doesn't always actually happen that way.  Humans ....... As such we tend to inadvertently and without malice, put the ones we love and cherish the most in a situation where they have to balance their true, deep-down feelings against what they believe that cherished loved one wants to see, feel or hear. 

In matters of the heart, once anyone involved in a loving relationship gets their heart bruised, it changes things.  Like the old saying ... the shit is out of the horse and can't be put back in.  When there is teasing, humiliation or exclusion, good-natured or otherwise, and those things are imposed on someone in a relationship, there is a real risk of some damage to one's loving heart, whether it was intended or desired or not.  Once the heart is damaged, even a little ... well that shit can't be put back into the horse.

The wisdom?  Be 1000% certain that the playful teasing, just-kidding-not-serious humiliation and exclusion are received in precisely in the manner and spirit it was intended.  Can we imperfect humans accomplish this?  Of course we can.  Can we accomplish this each and every time for the entirety of our relationship with a cherished loved one without unintended heart damage?  Perhaps.

Please don't think I'm I'm being judgmental.  I'm not.  I'm very envious of those of you that have successfully navigated your way to your respective joys with your loved ones.  

I know you don’t see what you practice, being cuckolding, you hate that word, but it fits the definition. 
I have read much about cuckolding, as I find it fascinating, and it definitely looks like Kevin is being cuckolded. I’m not passing judgment, just to be clear, but it is what it is. A woman knows she has the ultimate power in a relationship when she can openly take other lovers. I got interested in this blog for the male chastity and female led relationship discussions, but when you took Andrew as a sexual play partner, it really got interesting. I’ll take this opportunity to say that this is fabulous blog and very professional looking website, with interesting mature members.