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How is it attractive

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Roxanne
(@roxanne)
Active Member

Last night my husband told me about male chastity, showed me a small metal cock cage that he bought from ebay and told me to lock him up. I honestly want to know how it is supposed to be attractive for him to tell me that he is unable to control a normal adult behavior. I don't think it is sick or depraved but he told me it would somehow improve our relationship and I just don't see it. How is creating more work for a busy mother of two supposed to somehow improve our relationship. He sent a few articles but I must be missing something. I want a man who is man enough to control his penis, that seems like it shouldn't be too much to ask for a normal adult human behavior. 

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Topic starter Posted : 08/07/2021 8:29 am
drew
 drew
(@drew)
Active Member

At least he told you , think how tough that was for him. 

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Posted : 08/07/2021 9:18 am
Emma liked
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin

Hi @roxanne and welcome to the site. As @drew said, this was probably tough for him to bring up to you and part of the problem is that guys often wait too long to bring this up. He is likely a bona fide expert in locky cocky and the entire concept was just spring on you. Surprise! Your first reaction is the same as many because it seems like a corporal punishment. He can't handle something so we take it away. Almost like the police locking a prisoner up because the prisoner can't handle their behavior in society. Consider a different perspective. Consider that he is simply handing you control of something that he feels might be getting in the way of intimacy in your relationship. Think of it as handing you the keys to the car and asking you to drive. Ultimately you will decide if this is a subject that you ask him to never broach again or if you consider his request. 

I am sure that your husband is more than capable of managing his dicky doo but he wants to hand you the control. I don't know his full reasoning but perhaps he feels that his masturbation is getting in the way of a deep emotional connection with you. Perhaps he feels like he will be able to fully adapt his behavior to your love language if you stifle his primary driver (presumably physical touch).

This may be an olive branch toward a more emotionally driven marriage and he may not know any other way to make such a change. Even if you don't go the chastity route, communicate with him about the reasons behind his interest in chastity. His interest in chastity may be a manifestation of other emotions that he feels may be best satisfied with chastity. In other words, he may be coming to you with a solution rather than a problem. Talk about it and above all, hug it out and show each each other love and kindness.

 

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Posted : 08/07/2021 9:33 am
archedback
(@archedback)
Active Member

Ask yourself this. Do you want to be a queen or a warden? I never want to be a warden but I always deserve to be treated like the queen.

https://www.kinkweekly.com/resources/queen-vs-warden/

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Posted : 08/07/2021 10:18 am
Roxanne
(@roxanne)
Active Member
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

Hi @roxanne and welcome to the site. As @drew said, this was probably tough for him to bring up to you and part of the problem is that guys often wait too long to bring this up. He is likely a bona fide expert in locky cocky and the entire concept was just spring on you. Surprise! Your first reaction is the same as many because it seems like a corporal punishment. He can't handle something so we take it away. Almost like the police locking a prisoner up because the prisoner can't handle their behavior in society. Consider a different perspective. Consider that he is simply handing you control of something that he feels might be getting in the way of intimacy in your relationship. Think of it as handing you the keys to the car and asking you to drive. Ultimately you will decide if this is a subject that you ask him to never broach again or if you consider his request. 

I am sure that your husband is more than capable of managing his dicky doo but he wants to hand you the control. I don't know his full reasoning but perhaps he feels that his masturbation is getting in the way of a deep emotional connection with you. Perhaps he feels like he will be able to fully adapt his behavior to your love language if you stifle his primary driver (presumably physical touch).

This may be an olive branch toward a more emotionally driven marriage and he may not know any other way to make such a change. Even if you don't go the chastity route, communicate with him about the reasons behind his interest in chastity. His interest in chastity may be a manifestation of other emotions that he feels may be best satisfied with chastity. In other words, he may be coming to you with a solution rather than a problem. Talk about it and above all, hug it out and show each each other love and kindness.

 

I didn't really look at it that way. My gut reaction was to see this like men who want to be in diapers or cross dress or wear animal costumes. Maybe I need to see where this is coming from or if I am not giving him everything he needs to where we need to bring in a fetish like this. 

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Topic starter Posted : 08/07/2021 11:28 am
Roxanne
(@roxanne)
Active Member

Also where did the pink ROX icon come from? Thank you I think?

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Topic starter Posted : 08/07/2021 11:29 am
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Member Admin
Posted by: @roxanne

Also where did the pink ROX icon come from? Thank you I think?

Sorry I don't like the default so I take the liberty of adding them sometimes. Feel free to change it if you don't like it.

To answer the question from the topic, how is this attractive? I personally equate chastity to a service or loving duty that he does for me. To me, sacrifice and service are two things that I find incredibly attractive and wonderful loving acts. It all comes down to your perspective of course. 

Like you, some of the fetishes that you mentioned don't appeal to me and this includes the traditional leather-clad domme. I don't feel like we need to take on some sort of stereotypical persona to be a dominant woman. The question is, do you want to be a dominant role in your relationship? If you don't find that attractive, this may not be something for you. I encourage you to have some conversations with him and you might find that chastity has a place in your relationship even if it isn't full time. 

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Posted : 08/07/2021 12:03 pm
lbp6855 and drew liked
IndySpanko
(@indyspanko)
Active Member

Roxanne, the idea is not for you to do more work but to do less! By locking him up you will have a man-servant who will do everything you say in order to eventually get unlocked! You can assign him many of the chores that have been weighing you down. And he will do them happily because he knows he is earning a reward--release and sex with you. He also will be horny beyond belief because he can't masturbate--and all of his sexual attention will be on you. Suddenly he is treating you like a Princess and doing all kinds of things you used to have to nag him to get him to do. He even will start volunteering to do chores you haven't assigned!

To answer your question: It is immature of us adult males to not be able to control our masturbation habit, but that is the case for many of us. We need our wives/girlfriends to hold us accountable and to make sure that added responsibility is benefiting her by a dramatic and permanent change in our attitude to focus on her and her needs.

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Posted : 13/07/2021 9:48 am
Roxanne
(@roxanne)
Active Member

@emma I see what you mean but ngl my gut feeling was low key disgust and confusion. I am reading your blogs to understand as best I can.

 

@indyspanko Thank you. I am trying the cage and I see some benefits while I try and understand the allure for him. We are coming along and I am learning more. What HE needs to realize is that I am much more likely to be in the mood to tease or play if I am relaxed and pampered than if I have frequent requests or badgering with hints. No. Feeling guilty does not make me like this more. SHOW me that you love me and I will recipricate in kind when I feel motivated.

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Topic starter Posted : 14/07/2021 8:07 am
AandM liked
IndySpanko
(@indyspanko)
Active Member

@roxanne You are entirely right that he needs to SHOW you that he deserves to be unlocked. Most men work well with really clear instructions and deadlines. So you could say to him: "Here is your list of chores for the week and the ways I expect to be pampered. If you do all of these  to my satisfaction by Saturday and do not badger me about release until then, I will unlock you and let you have an orgasm. If you miss any of the things on this list, or don't do them up to my standards, or hassle me about your cock cage, then it will be another week in chastity and you can try for the following Saturday. Now get busy if you want to get unlocked!"

You may be amazed by his change in behavior!

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Posted : 15/07/2021 9:17 am
IndySpanko
(@indyspanko)
Active Member

Also, you can tell him that teasing his cock, either inside or outside the cage, is totally up to you and he is not to ask for it -- but that you are more likely to do it when you feel loved and pampered. From now on, all sexual activity for him must be EARNED! His conjugal rights as a husband are GONE!

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Posted : 15/07/2021 9:21 am
desire.oh and Roxanne liked
Kleincox
(@kleincox)
Active Member
Posted by: @roxanne

low key disgust

What if the roles were reversed? How would you want him to react to something you desired?

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Posted : 15/07/2021 10:45 am
Roxanne
(@roxanne)
Active Member
Posted by: @kleincox

What if the roles were reversed? How would you want him to react to something you desired?

I would want him to react honestly.

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Topic starter Posted : 15/07/2021 12:04 pm
Roxanne
(@roxanne)
Active Member
Posted by: @indyspanko

Also, you can tell him that teasing his cock, either inside or outside the cage, is totally up to you and he is not to ask for it -- but that you are more likely to do it when you feel loved and pampered. From now on, all sexual activity for him must be EARNED! His conjugal rights as a husband are GONE!

We are learning together but he is giving me attention and waiting on me which seems unfamiliar. Being selfish is hard for me because I am always a giver but ngl trying to become a taker feels weird.

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Topic starter Posted : 15/07/2021 12:06 pm
lbp6855
(@lbp6855)
Supporter Customer

The way you had said , "giving more work to a mother of two" almost like you are a single parent and he is not there is what stuck out on your post. Maybe discussing equitable parental duties and responsibilities is something to consider. 

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Posted : 15/07/2021 2:11 pm
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