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Any suggestions would be helpful. My beautiful wife/keyholder and I agreed to a lockup for Locktober. I admitted to my excessive masterbating of several times a week and told her how guilty I felt about it. After a lengthy discussion and a few days to digest it, which she discussed with one of her girlfriends she finally agreed to locking me up. One of the stipulations was that she said to make sure the cage was comfortable because I would be in it for a long time. So we looked for a new cage and settled on the K3D. It arrived we installed it, it was a perfect fit. That was September 28th. All was good I thought. I gave her massages, foot rubs, dinners, extra chores ... plus my job. I never asked for release unless she asked me if I needed it. There were times she asked but said no. She’s post menopause and doesn’t want piv and won’t let me go down on her either. I thought she was enjoying everything, she even was teasing me every so often in what seemed she like playing with me locked more than unlocked. She even started playing around my anal area which was really exciting, sensitive and has never happened before. Then suddenly she quit and handed me back the keys. No explanation..the only thing she said is that, “I can still make you cum in the cage”. My reply was “yes but I can’t make myself cum in the cage, (which is true) I thought that was the purpose?” She just walked away and that was the end of the conversation. That was 3 weeks ago, I’ve been patiently waiting to have a conversation but have not been able to find the right time. She ended up having a root canal and then we both got Covid. Yes we were both sick timing is everything.
I’m lost on this.
Ask away with question, any suggestions are welcome.
thank you
Posted : 25/04/2021 1:39 pm
It sounds like the last few weeks have been pretty busy. Once things settle down, I think a conversation is in order. She owes you that much. You also owe her a loving and open mind if this simply isn't something that she wants to do anymore. Talk about the parts that she enjoyed and the parts that she didn't. Maybe she saw it as a kinky short term game while you saw it as an introduction to a lifestyle change.
@chris So glad to hear! Did she give any thoughts on why she wanted to take a pause? What did the pause make you think about chastity? What specifically did you find lacking without her control? Taking a break from time to time is a good idea and it can give you both a new perspective.
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Posted : 27/04/2021 7:23 am
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@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j
Hi Emma.
we finally had the talk yesterday. It was a matter of her feeling uncomfortable. Most of the issue was we weren’t communicating. In September when we started we had a discussion about my masturbation habit. Her words were find a comfortable cage because you’re gonna be in it a long time. I took it that she decided she was going to take charge and I would have no say so. I decided I wasn’t going to bug her about it unless I needed to get out for an issue like Dr appt or a good cleaning. If she asked about relief I would let her know. Last night our discussion went pretty deep as we lay in bed. We talked about everything from my masturbation to her lack of sex drive. Her needs and my needs and frequency of release. It’s a really good feeling to have an open dialogue and be able to discuss and solve issues together. Not everything is perfect but we are in a continuing conversation which will continue tonight. Our topic of conversation tonight will be her desires and my duration and frequency of release and ejaculation. (Her idea)
To answer your question about the pause and what did it make my think? It gave me a chance reflect on what chastity is. We are not a FLR couple. In my case I wanted to relieve my guilt of masturbating. I love my wife and feel guilty as if I’m cheating. I’ve never cheated in 28 years of marriage and I don’t plan too plus I don’t like that feeling.
We talked in depth about your question about “control” as well. Our relationship is not about us controlling each other or in this instance her controlling me. Our discussion did lead to talking about my lack of self control towards my masturbation. I told her my urges are strong and I’m just unable to ignore them. My words to her were that I’m basically asking for her help. The conversation circled back to her teeth, root canal, and both of us getting Covid. It’s been a tough couple of months for her. I’m fine but she’s still lingering with after effects of the virus and hasn’t had her teeth completely fixed yet. She’s still not feeling 100% and doesn’t have the energy to deal with me. I told her I completely understand and I’m not asking her to do anything but hold the keys and help me control my urges. We both agreed that we need to have a more open dialogue about our feelings and needs.
So that’s where we are right now. I’m looking forward to continuing our conversation tonight. It seems like last night was very productive because before the lights went off last night, without any relief, I was locked up again.
Posted : 03/05/2021 6:58 am
@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j
Her words were find a comfortable cage because you’re gonna be in it a long time.
Oof. I bet that statement was arousing yet intensely scary. I am so glad to hear that the two of you have strong communication. Deep ongoing conversation about what does and does not work about chastity is important for everyone and it sounds like you've employed it especially well in your relationship.
One of the challenges that we've had is when locked, all Kev wants to do is talk about his cage. My rule is that conversation about his cage, lockup, releases etc can only be started by me unless it is an emergency or safety issue. I got tired of his badgering and statements like "I forgot how difficult it was" come on dude, it has been a week since you were last locked up. He says things like that to prompt conversation but guess what, we have a life to live and relationship to navigate together. It isn't all about your locked wee wee. You get the idea, don't overwhelm her and if you do feel like you are overwhelming her talk about rules regarding conversation.
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Yes you were correct it was arousing yet scarey. That was on September 28, 2020, It was almost 2 months before I was allowed out. Talk about punishment. The hardest part was the teasing and not allowed to cum.
Starting over, right now we are in dialogue about each other’s needs. Her current need is to get healthy again and I’m happy to wait for her. If I can do almost 150 days locked I’m sure I can handle this. I only want her healthy again so we can enjoy life together
