The vast majority of sexuality isn’t about the positions, the toys, or even the orgasms. It’s about the emotions. It’s about how we make our partner feel during and after sex. Your biggest sex organ is your brain (yes, even men).
I think sometimes we underestimate the power of a moan, a “you feel so good,” or a whispered “yes, baby, just like that.” These little pieces of feedback are what transform sex from an act into a story that your partner will remember, replay, and crave again and again.
Because here’s the truth: sex doesn’t live only in the body. It lives in memory, in the ego, and in the stories we tell ourselves afterward. That’s why the way we frame our sex life verbally has such a huge impact on the kind of relationship dynamic we create.
Is he walking away from sex thinking, I’m such a stud, she couldn’t get enough of me?
Or is he thinking, Wow, she’s way out of my league. I’ll never measure up and I’ll never be enough for her but God, I love how she teases me about it?
The story he takes away from the bedroom comes from you. You’re shaping the narrative with your words. And that narrative is the foundation of whatever dynamic you want to build together, whether that’s a traditional modern marriage, a hotwife arrangement, or a cuckold dynamic.
Words Matter More Than We Admit
When I think back on some of my hottest memories with Kev or Erik, it’s not always about the physical sensations I felt in the moment. It’s about what was said. The whispered encouragement, the playful taunts, the moans that slipped out of me when I wasn’t trying to hold back.
And for men, this effect is magnified. So many men are hardwired to measure their worth sexually. They want to be told they’re good, big, strong, skilled, satisfying. Or they want to be reminded that they’re not, there’s always a bigger man waiting to satisfy you and they’ll never measure up, that they’re yours only because you allow them to be. Either way, the words you use control how they interpret the sex you’re having.
The psychology here is simple but powerful. Men crave narrative. They don’t just want to feel good in the moment, they want to look back and feel aroused again because of the way you made them feel about themselves. That’s why verbal encouragement isn’t just sexy, it’s key to an ongoing dynamic. Give him a sexual experience that leaves him thinking about you long after you leave the sheets, positive or negative. It doesn’t really matter.
The Stud or the Sub
As women, we hold the map of the relationship dynamic. We get to choose the story we want him to take home with him. We get to choose the fantasy we want him to have when he jerks off and thinks about you.
If you want him to feel like a stud:
You shower him with praise. Tell him he’s big. Tell him he’s the best you’ve ever had. Tell him you can’t walk straight afterward. Moan like he’s breaking you apart (in the best way). When he looks back on the experience, he remembers being powerful, wanted, irresistible and manly. That feeling keeps him coming back, eager to reclaim that role and those feelings again and again. This dynamic gives him feelings of sexual power in the dynamic.
If you want a cuckold or submissive dynamic:
You play with his insecurities. You remind him sometimes gently, sometimes teasingly, that he doesn’t quite measure up. Maybe you use small penis humiliation (SPH) to underline the contrast. Maybe you moan louder when you are with your boyfriend and let him hear the difference. Maybe you tell him how cute it is that he tries so hard. That leaves him feeling inferior, but in the way that fuels his desire for you. He wants to prove himself. He craves the dynamic of being “not enough” yet still desperately yours.
Both approaches work. Both are deeply erotic. And both come down to the words you choose.
Men Are Simple
I say this with deep love for men – men are simple creatures when it comes to sex. Their brains are designed to be wonderfully manipulatable. The male ego is tied so tightly to sexuality that the way you speak to him can condition his desire almost like Pavlov’s bell.
Moan for him, and he’ll want to repeat what made you moan. Tease him about being small, and he’ll crave that dynamic because it’s linked with arousal. Praise him as your king, and he’ll step into that role again and again because it makes him feel powerful.
Now, when I use the word manipulatable, I don’t mean sneaky or underhanded. I don’t mean tricking him into something he doesn’t understand. Quite the opposite. The most powerful relationships are the ones where we acknowledge the game we’re playing. Where we say out loud, “Hey, I love teasing you about this, it turns me on when you squirm.” Or, “I love when you talk dirty to me, it makes me want you even more.”
Reinforcing your modern marriage dynamic with subtle manipulation is a great way to guide your relationship with purpose and intention. “God, he made me feel so good last night with his big dick. Did you like seeing me with a real man’s cock? You are the best husband, thank you so much for being so supportive of my needs.” This type of comment gives him security, importance, and makes him feel like he is doing a good job as a husband. If he can’t please you sexually, he can facilitate someone who can and that creates a win/win relationship.
That’s not manipulation. That’s erotic transparency. It’s choosing to shape each other’s desires consciously instead of leaving it to chance.
Building the Narrative Together
So how do you actually put this into practice? It comes down to three things:
- Encouragement in the moment. Don’t be silent. Let him know what’s working. Tell him how he’s making you feel and then exaggerate it for effect. Those words stick in his memory and build his arousal for next time.
- Reinforcement afterward. Pillow talk is your secret weapon. After sex, as you’re cuddling, drop a few lines that reinforce the narrative you want him to believe. “God, you destroyed me. I’m going to be feeling this tomorrow.” Or, “You looked so cute trying to keep up.” “I loved looking deep into your loving eyes as he filled me.” Those are the sentences he’s going to carry with him into his next fantasy session. Those are the sentences that will think about time and time again.
- Integration into your dynamic. Over time, you’ll notice patterns in what excites him most. Build on that. If he melts every time you call him small, lean into SPH. If he lights up when you tell him he’s the best, feed that. The more consistent you are, the more you condition him to crave that exact dynamic. Prioritize your needs, if you want to feel in control of the sexual dynamic, go for the cuckold/SPH path. If you want to feel submissive and let him be your sexual conqueror, go that direction.
Relationship Positivity First
Here’s the important part. None of this works if it’s done with malice. The goal isn’t to hurt your partner or tear him down. The goal is to shape the kind of erotic story you both want to live in. Your erotic story is the backbone of your relationship. If you lose the erotic story, you shift to a friendship dynamic. If you cultivate and curate that erotic story, you get a rich, thriving relationship with a deep rooted sexual dynamic that ties everything together. Make mundane everyday tasks like grocery shopping and oil changes exciting by giving the entire relationship a sexual undertone.
That’s the difference between relationships that last and relationships that flounder. Decorate a wonderful layer of sexual icing on the cake of your relationship. That’s the part he craves and the part that will keep him coming back for bite after bite of delicious cake.
That means communication, lots and lots of communication. Talk about what excites you. Talk about the things you’re afraid to admit. Laugh about the fact that you are shaping each other’s turn-ons and how fun that is to experience together.
I know in my own marriage, the hottest moments are the ones where Kev and I are completely transparent. He knows I love teasing him about size, and he loves that I get so turned on doing it. There’s no secret manipulation, just playful honesty. That’s why it works.
Words Without Sex
Sometimes words carry all the weight. I love sex and I write about it endlessly, but words and sex don’t always have to be glued together. They can stand alone, each powerful in its own right. Silent sex can be electric; bodies colliding, heat building, no words needed. But on the flip side, words without sex can be just as charged. The mind is so wonderfully erotic that sometimes all it takes is a voice painting the picture, guiding the energy, and weaving a story to ignite desire.
One way this plays out beautifully is through verbal instruction. Think about talking him through his own masturbation, coaching his hand on his little peen as if you were his director. You’re not touching him, yet your control is absolute. The words drip with power; faster, slower, edge yourself, stop and he follows, intensely locked into your voice. You’re not having sex with him, but you’re completely entwined in his arousal. That’s words becoming sex without the act itself.
Another playful twist is incorporating erotic stories into your dynamic. Imagine handing him a story to read aloud while you stroke him, making it a little trade-off. He provides the words, you provide the touch. You can pause when you want, tease him with your hand, then pick back up again, all while his voice carries the heat of the narrative. What’s so beautiful about this is the transparency it creates. You get to feel, quite literally, the moments in the story that excite him the most. His body will betray his arousal, and you’ll know exactly what grabs him. This can be especially powerful for husbands who carry shame around what turns them on or who struggle to articulate their fantasies. The story does the talking for him, and your hand keeps him honest, creating a safe, intimate way to explore his hidden desires together.
Then there’s fantasy talk, which can tiptoe into something even more deliciously vulnerable. Imagine sharing a fantasy about a strong, handsome, well-endowed man who’s caught your fascination. You describe every detail this beautiful man holding you down and pounding the ever loving life out of you while your husband listens, pleasuring himself, fully aware he’s not in the fantasy. He is on the outside, not included, listening, aching, and aroused because your pleasure is real. It’s a borderline cuckold experience without another man even present. Just your words, his hand, and your willingness to share your desire. For many couples, this can be a safe, thrilling first step into the idea of cuckold dynamics with no physical risk, just the mental spark of letting him feel what it’s like to be on the edge of exclusion.
Applying This to Cuckold and Hotwife Dynamics
For those of us who live in cuckold or hotwife arrangements, words are the glue that hold it all together. Without them, the experiences risk feeling flat or even confusing.
When Kev watches me with Erik, it’s not just the physical contrast that excites him, it’s what I say. Both of them respond so vividly to my responses and I know how to play with those strings. It’s how I moan louder for Erik. It’s when I look over at Kev and tell him how much better it feels. It’s when I thank him afterward for letting me be fully satisfied. That verbal play is what transforms the experience into a deep, erotic ritual that feeds all of us.
When you tell your husband, “You’ll get your turn later,” or “I need you to clean me up,” you’re scripting his arousal. You’re controlling the story he takes home; whether that’s humiliation, pride, or devotion.
Encouragement in Modern Marriage
Even if cuckolding isn’t your thing, the principle still applies. In a modern marriage, where so many couples struggle with boredom, distraction, or dead bedrooms, verbal encouragement can be the key to keeping things hot.
When you tell your husband he’s sexy, he’ll believe it. When you whisper in his ear that he makes you wet, it fuels him. When you praise his efforts, even if it was far from perfect he’ll want to try again.
If you criticize him, if you give a lackluster effort, if you seem disconnected and disinterested, if you make sex an obligation without sexualizing the effort (positive or negative) you are missing the mark. The point isn’t whether he’s actually the “best you’ve ever had.” The point is how he feels, because that feeling keeps him connected, aroused, and devoted.
Next time you’re intimate with your partner, pay attention to your words. Rather than focus fully on your own pleasure, give a tiny amount of focus to the story you’re telling him. Are you making him feel like your stud? Are you reinforcing his submissive craving? Are you leaving him desperate for more, or proud of himself?
You control the narrative. You get to decide what kind of dynamic you want to cultivate. And once you do, his desire will follow.
Evolving the Conversation
- How do you think your words during sex shape the way your partner feels afterward?
- Have you ever consciously used encouragement or teasing to guide the kind of dynamic you want?
- If you’re in a cuckold or hotwife arrangement, how does verbal play intensify the experience for you?
- Do you think men are more influenced by what happens during sex or how they remember it afterward?
- What’s one phrase you could say in bed tonight that would change the story your partner tells himself tomorrow?
Love this advice and it’s spot on
I love this. I was thinking how much it works for cuckold relationships especially when I am locked and my wife encourages how much the cuckold dynamic makes her feel powerful. Last night watching her with her bull and knowing how much being locked FOR HER brings to our sex life and her happiness. This video reminds me of many of our nights where I am allowed to be present.
She needs to feel that sexual power and energy to feel at ease in her sexuality as a powerful, sexy woman. She is a little overweight and I think the cuckold fantasy is what lets her live her sexuality without obsessing over what she sees as shortcomings. She instead reminds me that I bring less sexual power to our relationship than her bull. 100% of the sexual satisfaction in our cuckold and chastity relationship has always been her reaction and the energy that she shows me. That energy is what I thrive on, her sexual power is magnetic.
Not only words but her erotic energy is what makes her sexy. Show me that you are a sexual woman even if you don’t crave me as your primary lover.
I find this to be true, the words matter and drive the emotions of my sexual relationship with my wife.
Oh yes words are important…… Also watch your words …. A tool can become a weapon if you swing it at the rong time …. Let’s take a example ( don’t worry you’ll get yours later )…. Let’s say you sead that but let’s say oppss you sead that three times in a row without following through… Suddenly it became a weapon boom 💥 ouch ….
This is a example of when you have to always practice being self awareness…. And to not only communicate but listen…. One word at the rong time can take a long time to undo ….
This is where Emma points out this is to build up if you found you might have misused a word back up do after care instantly listen and work with the situation to make shere it doesn’t happen again
Play safe and be aware and you can overcome any mistakes
Be epic to eachother 😎
“This is a example of when you have to always practice being self awareness…. And to not only communicate but listen…. One word at the rong time can take a long time to undo ….”
I agree with this. Not to nitpick, but if one is not listening, they are not communicating. They are merely talking. Communication, to be successful, must include both. As you point out, many people mistakenly believed they communicated when all they did was talk.
And yes, a word or words can cut deep. Sometimes so deep that the wound cannot be healed without leaving a scar … or worse.
When I say listen I mean don’t just listen to there input but listen to your self as you say these words……. So many people say something and don’t really understand what they just sead so listen becomes a very broad term
I mean i agree that what we say is important to keep the spark alive and its important to communicate what you like and what not, but i don’t see how some stuff, that Emma said, work how it is intended.
May i am wired differently, but when someone says :
“Oh you are so big, you are the best I ever had ”
my thoughts are :
” Ehm…..that is clearly not the case, who are you trying to lie to ? Yourself or me ?”
when someone says:
“aww it’s so cute how hard you try”
will lead me to shut down and stop trying if that is the reaction I am getting.
What am I missing here ? Or am i an anomaly in this regard?
Your not missing anything your one of the people that words might not work with and actions are more in line with how you relate to people nothing rong with that
It all seems strange to me because I’m in a femdom TPE marriage. My wife and I believe a cuckold is a submissive husband that tolerates his wife’s infidelity. My Mistress’s pleasure comes first, cuckolding is for her sexual satisfaction I don’t have any say in who she sleeps with or when it’s none of my business,I’m lucky when I am occasionally involved. I do get to eat her cream pie all the time. Mistress doesn’t need any help with finding lovers. She has one restriction she can’t do anything that would jeopardize our jobs.
Regardless of your relationship dynamic, the words we use matter. The enthusiasm we carry for the dynamic, for the roles we play or for the love we share – it all matters.
“She has one restriction she can’t do anything that would jeopardize our jobs.”
I suppose one could argue that your jobs are more valuable to her than your marriage.
I think reading a blog post like this, you could believe that all Kev gets is a constant stream of negativity or, at best, backhanded compliments that are still designed to diminish his sense of masculine value. I’m hoping that, in ways other than raw sexual prowess, Emma tells Kev he’s a giant of a man that puts the guy with the dick in the shade. I fuckin’ love the guy. He must be ten times my strength to endure what you play with together. And I hope you tell Erik “you may be a good fuck, but Kev’s the real thing”.
You nailed it in this one!!
I’m with you 100%. Without a doubt, the most memorable sexual experiences I’ve had began to be built even before we got to the bedroom. From the subtle whispers in my ear during a party, that look full of desire and lust, to the moans (which might have just been a beautiful act, but which turned a good moment into an incredible one) during that intense touch, they took me to heights I never imagined reaching.
Men in casual encounters, in general, as long as they orgasm, don’t care about the quality of sex. Unfortunately, some of them don’t even care about providing pleasure to the women they’re with. After experiencing being with a woman who knows how to craft this narrative of building sexual tension before the act begins, escalating the teasing gradually through a light touch, the use of moans, and dirty talks until we reach the climax, it became clear that the sexual experience is completely elevated to another level.
It feels like we’re living in a very well-written erotic novel