FLR 101

Reader Letter: Are There Self Esteem Issues? (FLR101)


This is one of a few blogs that were published by Yoga Girl at her website at http://flr101.blogspot.com. This site is now offline but all credit goes to her.

He’s responding to the Sticking to the Program article I wrote.

Wow, yum, yipes. 
I think both what lucky husband but I also wonder what is the quality of consent that you can get from a lizard brain. Does the effect of repeated stimulation, repeat edging and semen retention effectively render a Man intoxicated and perhaps for longer that his erection lasts after sex. 1 year ago there was an entry called, “His Week Off.” I understood that entry to be an affirmation of the virtue and value of retention and male submission. He got what he asked for and in the end, after a week he discovered it wasn’t what he wanted. But is that what it showed. The week off came after a 2 week period of more intensive preclimax stimulation. Did yoga husband every reach a level place in which he could take stock in himself and his situation and truly make a decision from an empowered or self possessed position or is what was described really just a man recovering from a neurochemical maelstrom. While men and women are different imagine that genders of voices in the companion inventory are reversed and imagine a man who is the breadwinner having just had sex with his financially dependent wife, and the sex was profoundly asymmetric and she was unsatisfied and to keep her in line he reminded her of her dependence on his salary for food and shelter I think many would find that scene disconcerting, regardless of the quality of the orgasm she had once a week. Do any men in these relationships suffer lowered self esteem when the preorgasmic haze clears?

JD

“He got what he asked for and in the end, after a week he discovered it wasn’t what he wanted. But is that what it showed. The week off came after a 2 week period of more intensive preclimax stimulation. Did yoga husband every reach a level place in which he could take stock in himself and his situation and truly make a decision from an empowered or self possessed position or is what was described really just a man recovering from a neurochemical maelstrom”

My husband is not in a constant state of delirium.  After sex, he is back to a normal thinking man in a 2-3 hours. My husband has had years of ejaculation on demand.  He remembers what life was like in that state.  I think this comes down to what is mans  true nature.  You’ll often hear me say that as man retains, his true nature is revealed to him.  Is his depleted state his true nature? Is constantly masturbating and ejaculating with no energy left for his mate the way in nature.  After all in the animal kingdom it’s a rare animal that can ejaculate without the female.  They are driven to court and penetrate a mate.  Of course they ejaculate every time they have intercourse, but the female is only receptive at selective times so there is quite a bit of retention going out there.  At least they must find a mate and don’t sit in the woods masturbating by themselves except for primates.  I maintain my husband’s vitality and essence by insisting on retention and eliminating his masturbation habit essentially returning him to the state that nature intended.  And in that state, he courts me until I’m receptive and allow penetration.  Consequently, he is in a state where he loves, cherishes, and adores me much of the time.  When he was depleted with ejaculation on demand, that state didn’t exist.  I feel that depletion from masturbation is not man’s natural state.  And that’s the problem with many men in our culture.  Combine that with the availability and ability to view novel females that never existed before in the history of man, and our culture is in crisis.  

Are we doomed to be a culture of grass eaters – a term used to describe the Japan phenomenon where men have lost interest in engaging in finding a girlfriend or sexual partner.  They are becoming so prevalent that it’s effecting Japan’s birthrate.  Men are becoming less interested in being in relationships and even touching a real woman.  Are they still sexual?  You bet,  where else would they channel their sexual energy?  They sit in front of a screen and masturbate looking at one novel female after another.  It’s much less dramatic with my husband, but he was certainly less interested in me when he was a regular masturbater.  I can see how grass eaters have become an issue in Japan.  My husband now craves to be with a real woman all the time with retention.  I submit basically that depletion is not man’s natural state, but retention is.  People can compare and see what they prefer.

Being empty might be a cup’s natural state.  But the cup maker had an idea and purpose for it to be full.  Relevant metaphor?  Maybe not, but I like it. 🙂  The bag between my husband’s legs is meant to be full.  He’s a different man when it is.  And I would submit that is his natural state.  Depletion is not.  We are all a product of neurochemistry and hormones.  In a sense we can shape who and what we are by influencing that chemistry.  Constant ejaculation influences testosterone production and zinc levels for the worse. So from a health stand point, yes, it’s better to be full and stimulated, IMO.
The reader will have to research and come to their own conclusions on this.  It’s certainly not a mainstream medical opinion based on evidence based medicine.

“While men and women are different imagine that genders of voices in the companion inventory are reversed and imagine a man who is the breadwinner having just had sex with his financially dependent wife, and the sex was profoundly asymmetric and she was unsatisfied and to keep her in line he reminded her of her dependence on his salary for food and shelter I think many would find that scene disconcerting”

But women have been in that exact position for Millennia.  They have been dancing for their supper for centuries.  No one seemed to ever be disconcerted about it.  It’s simple, I have right to decide who I want to be in a relationship with and under what terms I will be in that relationship.  He also has the same right and is able to make choices.  He has a cozy comfy existence in this dog eat dog world.  I require one thing from him in order for him to maintain it.  I only want to be in a relationship with a man that is retaining.  Now he has to decide if he wants to be that man.  He can be in a relationship where he’s crazy passionately in love with his woman with an unlimited debit card in his wallet …..or not.  His penis is community property in this relationship, and it’s mutually agreed that I have the say in when and where it ejaculates.

“Do any men in these relationships suffer lowered self esteem when the preorgasmic haze clears?”

I would say his haze clears after intercourse in an hour or two.  I don’t know any other men doing this.  Maybe it’s not for them.  I only share our experience.  People will have to navigate their own relationships.  Also after his ejaculation on E-Day, he is pretty clear and his self esteem is just fine.  My husband recognizes his need for structure, and that he doesn’t have the willpower to discipline himself during intercourse as far as retaining goes.  There are always things that are going to crop up  that impact our sense of self worth.  When he has a spill, his self esteem will be lower like when he had his little accidental spill on my fifth orgasm during intercourse the other day, and I delivered a very stinging over the knee whipping with a long thick wooden spoon that left him in tears, but he knows there needs to be consequences for those accidents to keep those spills rare – accidental or not.  I just summon my inner Lilith, ignore his screaming, and we get through it together.  It’s just as hard on me, though I admit I am a little moist between my legs when it’s done.  Then all is fine, and he has a renewed sense of what’s expected in my house, and that yes, I really do mean it when I say “No ejaculation unless you hear the release command.”  For the most part he’s pretty good about controlling it.

There are always going to be events that build a persons self esteem and events that tear it down no matter what you’re doing in life.  Maybe that’s called building character.

I imagine it’s very self esteem building when I compliment him on his nice full weenie and how good it feels when it’s pumping me for such a long time giving me orgasm after orgasm which is something that didn’t happen before retention.

It’s probably tearing down his self esteem when he’s on his knees in tears after a whipping explaining to me why I just had to do that because he failed to retain.

Both events are building character in my estimation.  It’s just between him and I.  If I shared it with other people like my mom or my coworkers, I think your concerns would have some merit. When he services me delivering me my nine, his sense of self worth is much higher, and that happens 99% of the time.  I would emphasize the importance of companion inventories and make sure there aren’t any problems.  All of this should be discussed between the couple.  Good communication is the foundation of any great marriage.  I wouldn’t want anyone to get depressed or suicidal because they can’t play with their weenie.  I can only make decisions about our relationship, and I expect my husband to step up to the plate and be a man and accept that ejaculation isn’t going to happen all that much for him.  I only share our experience.  I don’t recommend it.

This is how we exist in our relationship.  Every couple can enjoy what works and what doesn’t work for themselves in their own relationship.  As long as the couple is finding mutual fulfillment and closeness in the relationship, that is ultimately what matters, no matter how one gets there.  I explore semen retention as a means to that end for us, but how that occurs is each couple’s own choice and journey.  I don’t judge and wouldn’t dare label any behaviors bad or good to get to the goal of a happy, healthy, flourishing relationship.  I hope people can give me the same courtesy.

 ~Namaste
YG 

 Thanks to my hubby for help with the website …and the orgasms!

DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane, and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

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