We had an interesting conversation this evening that I decided to share with you despite family being in town and all of the Christmas festivities in the household this weekend. The boyfriend confided in me that he sometimes doesn’t feel normal wearing his cage and is sometimes self-conscious about it and knowing that he is different that the other guys.
Rather than immediately start reinforcing all the reasons why our life is better when he is retaining, I decided to hear him out. He explained that he feels like he is hiding something and is sometimes self conscious about it even though very few other people know about it. I really wanted to hear his perspective and understand where he was coming from because this stuff really intrigues me… if you can’t already tell. It sounds to me like he is just feeling different and questioning why he has to be different than all his guy friends.
I reassured him and told him that there is no “normal”. His feelings of being different are absolutely the same as everyone else. Some people have blonde hair, some people are overweight, some people have green eyes. All of these things are simply different but no less normal than the anyone else.
He knows that not retaining is a relationship deal-breaker for me. This is something that we’ve discussed numerous times so he is careful with his words. In fact, I don’t think that he regrets his situation. I got the feeling that he was just being sensitive about his schedule. I reminded him that he has told me that we have more sex than any of his friends. After locking him up my libido significantly increases because I am in control of every aspect of our sexual relationship. I don’t know if this is typical but I am a bit of a control freak and I do find a level of control and order arousing so it is typical for me. I reminded him that we both are very thankful for our relationship and we both truly enjoy all aspects of each others company.
I explained that his cage is no different than me having to wear a tampon when I am on my period. No different than a construction worker needing a hard hat when he is on a construction site. No different than needing a seat belt while driving in the car. His cage is just a piece of plastic that fills a need for enforcing a certain aspect of our relationship.
With family in town and last minute Christmas shopping, he is certainly hoping for tomorrow’s release but I may string this one along for another week or through the new year just to see where this conversation takes us.
I am not sure if I will post again this year so if I don’t, I would like to thank everyone for all the comments and questions. Keep them coming, I love all the great insight and questions about your specific situations.