I've received the above question more times than I can count on this site's contact form. I figured that I'd write a blog about it so you know that you aren't alone and help provide some answers. Let's talk about male chastity at a very high level and learn about some of the benefits. Clarity and understanding will help you understand what your husband has brought to you. If you keep an open mind, this might just be a blessing in disguise - admittedly a confusing one.
Why would he be interested in this? Am I not enough? The male sex drive is a one trick pony, his body is constantly producing new sperm and he is hard wired to want to release it. If you have mismatched libidos, he may be feeling guilt for wanting sex more than you. Perhaps he is feeling a greater guilt from unhealthy sexual views or role models during his upbringing. How about has feelings of not being good enough, being sexually deficient in some way. Masturbation is a huge one as well; he may feel guilty for wanting to masturbate or perhaps when you have sex, he may feel guilty for masturbating earlier in that day. Sex isn't as good for either of us if we've already masturbated, right? Does he keep that to himself and feel guilty or does he admit that he already masturbated. Sex is complex wrinkle in our already complicated relationships. For many men, the cage is about guilt, paying penance and handing control of sexual freedom over to you.
I think most of us feel some sort of negative body image or sexual deficiency. The cage is his way of sexualizing those insecurities and redirecting them to a healthy outlet. Don't get the wrong idea about his intentions, the cage does not mean that he wants to be celibate or stop having sex with you. Of course by it's very nature it rules out the possibility of there being someone else in the picture.
Alternatively he may have learned the positive benefits of orgasm retention and denial and simply wants to bring some of those benefits into your relationship. After a few days of being locked, the cage does a wonderful job of redirecting subconscious sexual energy and focus to you. When his subconscious shifts, he doesn't start pestering you for sex. The change is much more satisfying. Do you remember how he acted when you first started dating? Do you remember when he would open doors for you, give you unsolicited compliments or small gifts. Do you remember when he knew how to speak your love language fluently? Those are the types of changes that you can expect to see although that's not to say there won't be an adjustment period.
My boyfriend and I are on a 7 day cycle which sounds complex but it really isn't. Every Sunday we unlock his cage, clean him up and allow him to ejaculate. Once the boys are empty, we put on a chastity cage for the next weekly lockup period. During the week we have sex a few times but here's the kicker - he doesn't ejaculate when we have sex. It took some time and most certainly effort but sex without the constant focus on orgasm is truly divine. His focus is on me and not the parts of the my body that he holds most dear. This means massages, touching and lots of attention which is more valuable that everything else combined- at least to me.
Your husband has brought this desire to your attention and is communicating a sexual interest that he has probably been thinking about for some time. Remember that if your husband is bringing this to you and he wants to experience this fetish with you. If his request makes you recoil in horror, step back for a moment and realize that there is nothing to be worried about. Your husband is simply trying to improve your relationship in a way that he knows will be effective. He is certain it will be effective because he knows just how strong the male sex drive is. …
This sounds like me! I had a hard time getting over that the cage isn’t supposed to be sexy. It is more a tool to help him. His behavior changes is the sexy part. In my case he told me he feels guilty if he masturbates and then I initiate sex with him because he knows that his performance is not like he had saved his energy for me. I am interested in learning more from this site since it seems to be so incredibly true so far. Thanks for this page Emma!
This one really made me think about why it makes me feel so good when my wife locks me up. For me it comes down to wanting to feel desired, necessary and important to her. She knows that she is sexy to me, I tell her all the time.
I think for many women it doesn’t feel natural to tell her man the he is sexy. It doesn’t feel natural for her to tell him that she desires him sexually. That she needs him inside of her. Just as women have a need to be desired, men have the same. On the flip side of that, it doesn’t feel natural for us guys to be told that we are sexy. In fact, society tells us that we are not sexy and that the female body is the only body that should be sexualized. Women are oversexualized and men are undersexualized in our society. What gives?
The cage gives importance to my anatomy, my penis is the center of attention rather than a tool to get her off or a mild inconvenience that she tolerates (all in my head). Yes, it sounds like I have some deep seated issues that I need to communicate with her and we have done just that. Your site encourages communication about sex and especially the uncomfortable topics.
Chastity is a win-win for us since it makes me feel sexually valued by her and your site lists all the millions of reasons why male chastity is invaluable for females. My wife and I love your site thank you so much for everything that you do. Your blogs are so thought provoking and all of them seem timely and relevant to our marriage.
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